Hello unforgivable,

I have read your question and given it careful consideration.

Depression is a lack of good feelings, unable to take pleasure in things you once enjoyed, a pervasive feeling of hopeless and other symtpoms which I cannot diagnosis in you as I am not a professional.  As well, there is a diagnosis of "depression with psychotic features."

If at all you were smoking marijuana heavily, that could've caused you to develop schizophrenia or at least, the symptoms of paranoia.  Statistics prove that heavey marijuana use can cause schizophrenia.

From what you said, your paranoia had come on gradually before you starting hanging out with the wrong crowd.

It is possible you have schizophrenia, and if that turns out to be so, I will tell you the good news.  You have asked this question, so that indicates you aware there is some kind of problem going on.  Based on what you told me, you seem to be open-minded about seeing a professional to rule out whether or not you have schizophrenia, depression with psychotic features, or another medical condition that could cause schizophrenia-like symptoms.

If you search the "ask" archives, you will see that I responded to a question about "marijuana use and schizophrenia," quoting statistics.

Please, if you at all were doing pot, I urge you not to smoke or toke in the future.

My recommendation is that you immediately see a professional, get bloodwork done to rule out a medical condition, and consider what your options might be, possibly including medication.

In my situation, I had subtle paranoia all my life, and when my beloved grandpa was in a coma, hooked up to a respirator in the intensive care unit of the hospital, that was my breaking point.  More recently, I worried obsessively what people thought of me.

The bottom line is, whether you have schizophrenia or not, now is the time to put your mind at ease.

Because, if you do have schizophrenia, the earlier you get treatment, the better your outcome.

You've articulated a problem.  Yes, it is a problem affecting the major activities of your life (work, relationships).  I salute you for wanting to take action to change things.

Best regards,

Chri

My personal opinion (I am not a professional) is that you do not have schizophrenia.  I think that you are just way too stressed out.  I have had episodes of whatever you are experiencing and over time, as I grew out of my hormonal late teens and early twenties, these problems faded.  It is understandable that you would be depressed in your situation.  Whether or not you get professional help is up to you.  If not, you should take matters into your own hands to improve your life as much as possible.  It is something that you must vow to do for yourself.  It will not be easy.

What I recommend is that you eat a very balanced diet, including lots of fish and green leafy vegetables, avoiding as much junk food as possible and start a regular exercise routine.  I jog every day, regardless of the weather, and it seems to be an easy way to keep myself balanced.

As far as relationships, keep the friends you have and let everyone else go, try not to worry about them.  They are really not important and you won't remember those people in a few years anyways.  Make new friends as you become who you would rather be. 

Explain to your parents that you are aware of your past mistakes and plan to be more responsible in the future.  Thank them for standing by you (even if they suck at giving you emotional support).  They will be proud of you for acknowleging your mistakes and moving on or they will at least respect you more for it.  Respect leads to pride.

Good luck!

personally, I really think that you have some symptoms of schizophrenia, because you thought that you were being watched.

I'm an individual with schizphrenia and I think that someone is watching me all the time. I also here voices, and I intend to isolate

myself, when I am around other people.