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You've asked some very good question which deserve to be answered for you. If these sorts of behaviors have been going on for five years they must be causing you great distress and discomfort.  Rather than feeling so uncomfortable for so much of the time, perhaps, you'd be willing to take the first necessary step to have your questions answered first hand so that you can begin to feel better. I hope you'll listen to my suggestion and make an appointment either with your family doctor or with a mental-health caregiver (perhaps a Social Worker, or a Psychologist, or a Psychiatrist).  There are many city clinics in large cities which accept walk-in clients as well as many general hospitals that also have outpatient clinics where you could be seen.  Coming to this site, as you have, is a marvelous first step and I sincerely hope you continue on until you find someone to help you find the answers to your very important questions.  Please come back and let us know how you're doing.