Hello angelpunky,

I feel for you.  Stigma is a term used to describe the outright discrimination, stereotyping, or ill will that other members of society harbor against people with SZ.  It is possible his family has bought into this myth that people with SZ are hopeless and helpless and don't deserve to better themselves.

It appears to me that your love and respect for your boyfriend boosts him up.  With compassion and empathy shown to us, people with SZ can and do get better.  I am a woman with a Masters degree and a professional job as a librarian, and I obtained my degree and my job AFTER getting sick.  So all these things are possible for your boyfriend if he stays in treatment, takes his meds, and works on being involved in positive, healthy relationships like the one he has with you.

As someone diagnosed with SZ, I can tell you my life and what I go through isn't easy. I soldier on because I believe in my vision that people can recover, and so I aim to be a messenger of hope to everyone I meet.  I know other people with SZ who get married, some of them even risk having kids [SZ has a genetic component].

One thing you could do is work on the relationship before committing to marriage, if you weren't sure about marrying him.  As for his parents and family members, like with anyone who has the disease called stigma, they will come around slowly and maybe not ever, when it comes to accepting that he is a successful individual who is a person first with a personality and traits all his own, NOT a sick person to be identified by his symptoms.

I have been out of the hospital 17 years, employed for 19 years, and will be moving into a new apartment in June.  I'm at a loss as to what you can say to "convince" his family that he is a fully-functioning member of society, just like anyone.  The fact that you say they tell him he's "not normal" gives me the idea that their stigma is deep-rooted and will be hard to change.  I was lucky that my mother drove me right away to the hospital when I first got sick, and she never abandoned me or treated me differently.

I feel the bottom line is, your boyfriend needs love and support from the people who are in his life, and since it will be hard for him to get respect from his family, he may have to make some tough choices.  I am hesitant to suggest he break away or see them only at holidays.  The choice is his to make.  However, when your parents don't encourage you to get better, that's not the kind of environment conducive to enabling a person to recover.

Like I said, people with SZ can and do recover all the time.

Regards,

Christina