Ever since i hit puberty I had these two emotions. All I ever wanted was love, it is the only thing that has kept me from killing myself. I would be fine, but all the other symptoms keep me from even having friends. I try to socialize but all I am is mean to people. I do not know why, but it has made me alone in this world! No one can ever stand me. I have no friends and most of my family just send all the mean right back. Right from the start I always had dilusions of wife and kids. Taking care of them when their sick or sad. Through the fights and the friendship. It is all great, but it is not real. I was a fourteen year old kid who wished he had a wife and kids. With love you have to have hatred. It is the ying to the yang, the dark to the light. I live in a state where everyone around me hates me. With this i have grown to hate humans. I tend to find their flaws, and sort of think of myself as of not of this world, as a higher inteligence, a demon, or an alien. I know none of it is real, but I can not help but go along with it. Over time i have learned to keep most of my thoughts towards love, but the others do come back from time to time. I was on meds, but the doctor took me off. I thought I was fine, but I did not realize these emotions were part of it. Even with the meds I always felt the love and hatred. Now I wonder if I can even be treated. Scientists still today debate whether or not love and hatred are acctually true emotions.