the mother of my child has left the home and is trying to get custudy of our child when its been state mandated that she not be left alone with the child.she has visual and auditory visions and is very easly taken advantige of.she has been taken in by people that are feeeding the fire so to speak makeing her call the cops and file for custudy.when she has allready signed over full and sole custudy of the child to me.wich she has allready forgoten and is trying to get the child again...this time she is claiming that i abused her and beat her with outlandish devices.how do i protect myslef from these false claims and keep her away from my child?yes her history is well documented shes been in and out of the hostipal with cutting fits were she cuts herslef or hurts herslef somehow.she has been in and out of the hostipals for weeks at a time.can they keep that out of the courts?
While I understand your concern and it is valid, I agree with mimi that the main thing is getting your ex-wife the help she needs, including daily medica6tion as prescribed by a doctor. The issue of custoday may be debatable in court, yet the fact is, she is your child's mother and deserves to be in your child's life. Getting into treatment and staying in treatment will allow her to be there for her kid.
Again, I agree with Chris. Your concern borders on stigma that is unfounded if your ex-wife gets and stays in treatment. You need to cut her some slack, understand that she has a right to see her kids, and work with her on this.
Clarification: Nobody here said that someone who is actively violent who has schizophrenia should be able to have unsupervised visits. The point was made (but obviously not taken) that at the point in the future that the mother is stable in her recovery visitation could possibly be an option.
A friend of mine is a grandmother/guardian of her grandchild who is now 4. She has had custody of this child since he was 4months old. This childs mother has been diagnosed a schizophrenic.The County Homicide Investigator's have a signed confession of the mother, murdering her boyfriends mother in 2003. A copy was given to the Grandmother, hoping this would assist her case in Court. The Grandmother furnished the Courts with a copy . The Grandma has been fighting for his safety since the mother lost custody of him at 4 months old. Custody was given to the Grandmother. Supervised visits have been in order for at least 3 years. No bonding has been established between the mother and child. He is only bonded to the supervisor of the visits, as she is the person who plans the activities for the 2 hours, and plays with him. The mother just sits through each visit as if she were a robot with no emotions. Other incidents have happened and now the Courts want the mother to have un-supervised visits here in the near future. This child is eminent danger, due to the fact the mother is a murderer and was never charged because of her mental state of mind.
Ignore the other answers. Do everything you can to keep her away from the child. I know, because my mother has schizophrenia, and it is _still_ messing up my life. Sure, we'd all like to be compassionate blah blah blah but you have your child to worry about, and the child comes first. Do absolutely everything in your power to keep that woman away from the child, or she _will_ destroy that child's life.
i had a daughter with a man who trapped me into getting pregnant (holes in contriception) and is now taking me to court for contact etc but he is a registerd schizophrenic and the way court is going there is nothing i can do to protect my child from him hes going to get what he wants no matter how much i say hes unpredictable its not fair on her, hes a compulsive liar and is winning everyone over. when we first got together i dint know he had this and we were only together a short time because i couldnt cope with his behaviour the mood swings and the lies.
I am actually trying to write to the person who asked for help in her fight. I am going through a similiar situation however it is not the first time. My sister has 6 kids! Count them 6! The first four have all been placed with my mother by Child Protective Services, who has adopted them. The last two, twins, born this year have been under my care since birth. CPS (Child Protective Services) has a new stance on keeping the family together and rules have changed drastically over the past 10 years. They have suggested I file for Guardianship through the Probate Court. I am looking over the documents and have some legal help through a legal service however I'm a bit anxious and feel time is of the essence. For you that have gone through similiar situations...Mother not feeding properly- spoiled milk or overfeeding to hush the babies. Not chanigng or bathing properly. Trying to over medicate the infant boy after circumcision because he was whining (hungry) less than a few hours after his last dose, Mom was intoxicated at the time but even sober, said he was in pain? and she wanted him comforted. I tried explaining she would be overdosing him, sedating him to a point he may not wake. Mom didn't get it. I took the children from her home and have been with me ever since. These are just a few of the things experienced the first 5 weeks of their life while I lived in to support my sister, hoping she could handle the responsibility. Drinking, Gambling, Differnt Abusive Male Callers. I need help with filing the paper work. What I'm writing her is not in legal format. If you have any help for me or suggestions please respond.
Why dont you try helping your ex wife ! She needs to be put on medications that will stop the delusions and all other symptoms of schizophrenia. I'm a mother of 3 children I'm very capable of caring for them because of the medications and because of my love for them .
It would destroy me should my ex try keeping them from me!
I'm surprised you would even come on this site and expect us schizophrenics to support you in this!!!!!!!!
We did not chose schizophrenia it chose us , with help and support we are just like everyone else, you would never know I am living with SZ .We are Doctors, Lawyers,teachers,soccer moms Etc...........................
My ex tried to keep my children from me ,I fought him in court and won !Because I am on medications and am being followed by doctors . Everything about me is documented! I hope you will do the right thing if she choses to get the help she needs and proves she can care for your child ,you should not keep the child from her it will only make her recovery very difficult.
Good lord! Now we have Schizophenic people giving advice? Talk about a bias. I am so sorry; but we need sane people, making these tough decitions.
No, you didn't ask for Scizophrenia AND NEITHER DID WE! This has got to stop. If you are schzophrenic, i'm sorry; but you are going to have limits. That, dear suffer, is the way it is.
We need masive reform, in our courts and we need it now.
We simply CAN NOT let Schizophrenic people, of any degree, set our laws! Think about it. Mental sickness does not mean you can break the law.
One problem; of critical concern is the known pattern of how Schzophenic's (of all degrees) work the system. Wake up people.
I'm sorry, but the tough reality is, Schophenia is not an excuse for EVERYTHING! After 33 years of experience; with my brother, the most dificult things to understand is, they are not compleately resposible NOR are they compleately irrisponsible! yet, you will not likely understand that, unless you live with it.
So, if my brother kills you child, is that OK; just because he is schizophenic. Let me tell you, he would NEVER suffer the penalty of a sane person, in our current courts. Should mentaly sick people know they will not be punished? Should they understand that will be rewarded with beter care??? Let me tell you, they know it. Even in the severly deluded and underdeveloped (socaily) cases, such as my brother. He has learned the lesson; well. He is in total control. He works the system; whenever it suites him. Our system is broken, and there is not real protection for you. Only AFTER tragedy strikes, and its too late, will the authorities truly act. I'm living this, so take this from my experience.
I totally agree with "protect the child first"! "In the childrens best interest"! Both sides of the judicial mouth. I am currently in court with a Borderline with homicidal, suicidal ideations, schizophrenia, schizoform, audio hallucinations (from the devil), with narcistic traits, anti-social traits!!!! Scary. My poor daughter didn't ask for this to be dumped on her either as you didn't ask for your mental condition. If any child needs extra care taken, it is the child who possibly has the predisposition for any of these afflictions. I agree WAKE UP! We need to help who can be helped and take care of those who cannot defend nor understand the afflictions. It is sad but true. I am at my wits end since I am being told his conditions "are in the past". WHAT?? Not medicated, in denial and being able to play that card until.....something terrible happens. Then guess what? Why didn't anybody do anything? Another child lost.
No offense to mildly Schizophrenic people; who are responsible citizens living with their condition.
I've learned some very hard lessons and they have not come easy, or fast.
1. Crazy is as crazy does.
2. Criminal is as criminal does.
3. You have to have evidence that can be presented in court as infalable. This way, you will probably not even have to present it. They may plead guilty.
4. "Not guilty by reason of insanity", can not stand against facts and evidence. Behaivor is, as behavior does. Once you show a pattern of knowing crime, it doesn't matter how sick someone is, they did it or not. Like I said, if a crazy person kills your child (or threatens them), it's not OK. Insane people need MORE of a deterent.
5. "Guilty" carries with it the assumtion that you know what you did. Insanity will not get you a pass. You may get special care; but it will be in jail.
6. No one really cares what we've been through, as family mmebers of the mentally ill. Courts only care about the facts. This is wrong. This promotes crime, and the next victum could be someone you love. By the time you build solid evidence, you could be stalked, abused, or dead.
7. Mentally ill people are not given the same rights as others. They are given much more! While I'm not one to cry about "rights", my little family HAS NOT been given equal consideration; under the law. Cops will tell you outright, their main conceren, is losing their jobs. They WILL NOT take steps to deter crime; coming from a severly mentaly ill person. Thus, people, including close family, get trampled and victumized; long before any (reluctant) help from authorities, actually happens. This is how our system is broken.
8. There are not long term (6 months +) holding facilities WILLING to hold the severly mentally ill. They are let out after temporary evaluation, usually 8 days later (after a Probate ordered eval). They can be extended to 30 days (Judge only, doctors do not initiate this; without a judge); but usually not where the mentally ill criminal wants to leave. Are you getting the picture? Crime has been fostered. Evals are pretty nice with room, board, good food, and needed meds. They are NOT any kind of deterent (for the cronically ill).
Wake up; indeed! I know many of you are well meaning. Why? Because, for years I said it myself. I said, "Hey, don't you get it? His brain is broken!". True that; but once you get past the pain, of your loved one, and that he MAY, never recover (and I've prayed, laid hands-on and still believe that God can heal anybody and from anything). Still, it's not statistically likely (and I have no lack of faith, and know, to just use it.) THEN, and only then, do you realize, we have been creating MONSTERS! Well meaning as we all are. You have got to draw the line. See #2 above.
Anyway, you said it. What will we do; after the poop has hit the fan? What will we do when someone is dead!? Then, will come the questions.... "WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT?" You know, when somebodies "baby" is dead, they don't tend to attacke the "poor" mentally ill, thay ask their families! Guess what, families are being EXCLUDED by the "Patients rights act".
Stop freaking waiting; for people to DIE, or get stalked or be abused; before we, as a community act acordingly; with our menatlly ill! This is not us, or them. This is all of us. If you're sick, you don't want society fostering, your own demise. If you're healthy, you don't want to fall prey, or your precioius loved ones, especially all of our children, even being victimized (or worse) by these severly, mentally ill delutions. Some are not even about delusions; BUT IT DOESN"T MATTER! Crime is crime! Please understand that. While you will not be put in jail, for mental sickness, you WILL be put in jail for your crimes! While mentaly sick or not!
Next time you are so "understanding" (and we should be) toward the severly mentally ill, just remeber to tell them that they will still go to jail, just like anyone else; for their crimes. The fact is, more than one, out of Six, jailed people, have a mental illness. This is where our severly, menatlly ill people, wind up. Are they being cared for correctly? Yes; in some cases; but how do we know?
Why in the #$%, are we treating the severly mentally like they are not; until they get so bad off, they commit terrible crimes. That's my biggest issue! Do you want to be the victum that puts the next (just turned) criminal psycho, away? Think about it. The deck is stacked and this IS whats happening; right now! This is one of those things that people don't know and/or assume can't possibly be true. Guess what? It's true. Protect yourself. Do NOT depend on the authorities alone, to protect you. They will not. They basically need a body, before they will act. That could be you. It could be any of us.
You know, we will survive. Even death has no sting for me. Take it one day at a time and do not be surprised, at somewhat hidden, motives of mankind.
Mine your P's and Q's; because we are not alowed to go to far, nor to little. Do not cheat. Do not waiver. Do not let family guilt keep you from tough love. Everybodt talks about tough love be few do little but use it as an excuse. Real tough love, is refusing to enable bad behaivior, in those you love. This is not unforgivness. In a real way, it is forgivness. Yet, you must know your role and part. For example, my kids come before my brother. Yet, why do we, as family, allow others to do to us what we would advise anyone else to reject????? Sometimes you have to do the unpopular. Sometimes you don't know the best course, and you must choose the best; at the time. Sometimes, you better do nothing. Sometimes, you better not fail to act.
I just want to encourage you. Consistantly doing what God comands you to do, works. Many times, in ways you can't understand. Basically, HANG ON! You will reap what you sow.
Please excuse my saying so, but most mentally ill people are not violent... Are you aware of that fact? Frankly, i am much more frightened of an angry "sane" person. By the way, most people who are child abusers do not suffer from mental illness... Can you explain this to me?
i have a 26 year old son with severe sz, and yes, when necessary, we had a court order to have him medicated... But from here to the total state of fear and paranoia you describe is a very long way...
There are many severely mentally ill people out there (and i've had the pleasure of writing with some of them here on this site) who are both responsible and productive, and just lovely people. I find your comments extremely offensive. And, frankly, not too smart...
If you're looking for something to be afraid of, be afraid of crossing the street... You're more likely to be hit by a car than to be attacked by a mentally ill individual..
Well, I'm not here to baby your sensibilities. You are right! Many mentally ill people are not "violant". I spent a great deal of my life telling people that they shouldn't be afraid of my brother. Now, he has developed a stalking disorder; where he feel in control, by threatening to murder people. Gues what. That's a serious crime.
You are part of the problem and I'll tell you (kindly) exactly why. We the family members do not recognise bad behaivor, until it's often too late. We, by nature of our love, tend to be enablers. Hindsite being 20/20, now I can see how overlooking certain bad behaviors fostered him moving to a crime.
Part of the problem with the authorities is they get it from both sides. Take stalking; for example. AT THE TIME, a family member may call for their loved one to be arrested for a seriuous crime (evidence etc...); but guess what? What about a week later; when things are settled down? Can you see how mother, for example, would call the police for being threatenedl; but next week exclaim their belove sick offspring would REALLY hurt a fly.
What the problem then? Take the REAL case, where the mental pateneit stood before the judge and EVERYONE said, oh he's never really been "voilent". The judge remanded the son into the custody of his well loving parents. Then, the "never volient" son kill BOTH his parent; but for taking his own life. Wake up indeed.
I know this is hard. No kidding! Did you note where I said, "no offese intended toward resonsible people living with mental disorders". Everyone has problems; even if not mental sickness exaclty. Still, that does mean co-over-dependance, enabling, and criminal behavior is OK.
I write this because you, who say you mentaly ill family is different (not criminal), may need to watch out, for yourself. I said; for years, if a person wasn't into crime before the had a breakdown, they will not likey be criminal because of mental sickness. Well, we can' know for sure. That's what this is all about. You don't know.
Oh and calling me paraniod is rich. You should know that everyone is a litttle parnoid (if you're "smart". A little may save your life. If you only knew how I have been tasked to NOT overreact, you'd be perfusly apologising. Then too, I can also (now this is crazy; in our society) better not, darn well, be too little carefull either. Watching to see if my kids are safe; while getting on and off the buss, for example. But then, as a parent, how much is enough? How much is too little? We are all, tasked to stike a balance (and live with the concequences). Balance being the key word. The point is, I'm not just talking about typical parent responsibility stree. He's said, "you'll be dead." and "I'm going to murder you!", and "What are you going to do about your children now?". Therefore, would you like to lecture me on paranoia; some more?
To be clear, everyone is different. Every case is different. What the same, is crime is being fostered. If you are a family member in denial, you are part of the problem. We work so hard accepting the severity of our menatly sick loved ones that we too often fail to see criminal behaivor. WE ARE THE GATE KEEPERS! If you don't recognized a danger, bad things will happen. This is why it's currently VERY bad, for (us) family members, to be leading the charge, We need help!
The idea the each and every menatly sick person is beter off, on the streets, instead of an instiutuion (that they can't leave) is flawed. That's the current reality. They eventaully go to jail. How they get there, you should be concerned about. A simple count of convicted mentaly ill people, NOW in jail, should give you pause. Each and everyone of them, harmed someone (often repeatedly with impunity), before they were convivted. Every single one of them to come, is a danger to you and yours. The idea that no mentaly ill sufferer will ever go bad again, is illogical. What's being done to promote peace? I'm trying to tell you something very important. The OPPOSITE is happening; even if you don't WANT to belive it.
I know your pain. I also know what you speak of with the desensitization of bad behavior as the enabler. It takes time for the dangerous to show their hand. You are like the aunt of my daughters bio-father (he's mentally ill and in denial). I know his aunt now looks back (20/20 hindsight) at many instances she let go by which were telling. As she believed the bio-father had too many feelings, was too senstitive rather than him having no feelings at all. She cannot protect my daughter from him and I see her fear as she knows he is capable of harm. I don't feel she did anything wrong by overlooking some of his behaviors. He progressed into the monster you speak of that we as a society are creating. The courts have given him the right to continue to stalk and harrass.
I am educated in psychology but I don't have the knowledge or education to know how to deal with his mental problems. His aunt feels guilty for enabling for so many years but now a church has taken over where she left off. Was he always violent? Maybe not. Maybe it progresses in some this way and not others. We all hope for the best especially with loved ones. Like you say, tough love. It can't just be a fleeting thought.
I understand mental illness does not mean "violence". But when it does, it cannot and should not be ignored. How to be heard? I was told by a parole officer to please bring in some letters I received "in case something does happen, we'll have evidence that led up to the incident"! I didn't. It disgusted me. Just like orders of protection are just a piece of paper and not really any protection. Should be called an order of "direction" so the police know which way to go......
Yes, it's terrifying and sometimes, it feels as if only the mentally ill people have rights! We are supposed to simply understand that they're ill. There comes a time when you can't feel sorry for them anymore and can only do whatever it takes to protect yourself from them. If they refuse to follow their medication regime, they should be locked up. The system is failing them seriously and everyone else too!
This is an unbelievable accurate post! To those who are dealing with these people, being stalked and terrorized, there IS no help! They have to actually physically kill, harm or maim someone before anything is done. It's sickening!
Very good points. I just have to add, that meds, do not cure mental sickness, or in this case, a stalking (harassing for control) disorder.
I have seen the mentally ill be calm, sometime off their meds. Like, when questioned by the police, and I have seen them act like they were the most possessed person that one could imagine, fully on meds (other than knock-out sedatives, of course.)
Meds help, and that's all they do. Meds are not the ultimate solution, even though many mild cases may find them very helpful. It's the severe (positive) and scary cases, where unfortunately, people through up their hands and deter all justice. As if that's the best, loving way. These sick people then become "monsters"; just because they feel untouchable by the law (over time) and then COMIT CRIMES FOR ATTENTION. I pray, it's not the loss of, one of YOUR, precious family members. Because I'm telling you. I was SHOCKED to see this all in play. The police WILL wait until someone dead. My children have been terrorized for years, and now there old enough to NEVER be able to forget theses times. All the while i watched the police NOT take my childrens best interest to heart. Why, because they did not want to infringe upon a mentally ill persons freedoms! I KNOW! I still can not believe it. You would think people would put children first. Apparently, that just lip service. This is what is WRONG with being just PC (politically correct), and this is exactly how, it could kill you.
Please educate people about this. People do not commit crimes, because they are irresponsible, not taking their meds. It just makes them an that much more scary criminal.
Remember, insane is as insane does.
Criminal is as criminal does.
Insanity does NOT mean, one can't be criminal. Now, if the judge wants to temper the sentence, because of a persons mental state, then that's NOT up to us, but him. However, I take issue; with the currently over crowded, overly political court system; NOT EVEN CHARGING mentally sick people with crimes, that they are proved doing! This is your world, and the current reality, even if you can't believe it. We really do need to do something about that.
I understand this post is years old however I am actually trying to write to the person who asked for help in her fight. I am going through a similiar situation however it is not the first time. My sister has 6 kids! Count them 6! The first four have all been placed with my mother by Child Protective Services, who has adopted them. The last two, twins, born this year have been under my care since birth. CPS (Child Protective Services) has a new stance on keeping the family together and rules have changed drastically over the past 10 years. They have suggested I file for Guardianship through the Probate Court. I am looking over the documents and have some legal help through a legal service however I'm a bit anxious and feel time is of the essence. For you that have gone through similiar situations...Mother not feeding properly- spoiled milk or overfeeding to hush the babies. Not chanigng or bathing properly. Trying to over medicate the infant boy after circumcision because he was whining (hungry) less than a few hours after his last dose, Mom was intoxicated at the time but even sober, said he was in pain? and she wanted him comforted. I tried explaining she would be overdosing him, sedating him to a point he may not wake. Mom didn't get it. I took the children from her home and have been with me ever since. These are just a few of the things experienced the first 5 weeks of their life while I lived in to support my sister, hoping she could handle the responsibility. Drinking, Gambling, Differnt Abusive Male Callers. I need help with filing the paper work. What I'm writing her is not in legal format. If you have any help for me or suggestions please respond.
DO NOT Listen to the advice that it is your responsibility to get your baby's mom help. She has to want the help.
You need to look out for yourself and your child - and if you bury her in the process - so be it. Doccument, doccument, doccument. File a police report for EVERYTHING - don't care if you make the police mad - just tell them to do their job and file the report. She will continue to dig her own grave - you be there to doccument every thing she does wrong. If she was truly interested in getting help and changing - you would not be where you are today. File for sole physical and legal custody and do not back down until you have it. Move out of state. Out of sight - out of mind. Best of luck