Q: Need Advice - My safety or support husband?
Hello katlady,
I'm the expert blogger here and I wrote in one of my own SharePosts that I take a zero tolerance stance on violence or anger or aggression or hatred by someone with schizophrenia towards their partner or someone else.
I would get out if I were you.
Most people with schizophrenia are not violent.
However among people with schizophrenia who are violent there is the possibility of repeated violence if they do indeed have a history of violence.
Your husband's history of violence has begun right now.
Michael Jeffers is right (the person who responded to you first):
You are absolutely no help or support to your husband if he kills you.
And he needs the kind of support you can't give him and aren't qualified to give him.
In the past I might have hedged in my comments to women who have posted the same kind of question that you did just now.
I can tell you I will no longer hedge in my responses:
When there's a question of violence, you get out.
Regards,
Christina
You ask, "Any Advice?"
(marriage is sacred. Till death do we part. But who's going to die?)
Thought: He almost killed you.
Thought. Can I be his support?
Thought: I wouldn't be much support as a dead woman, would I?
Thought: If it happens again, am I going to escape again, or die?
Thought: If I die for him, is it dying for him, or because of him, and what more than just Psych Corrections Facilities will happen to him if he kills me? Will they give him the death penalty?
Thought: So would I be helping him if I were to risk my life again and he took it? NO!
Thought: Does loyalty to my spouse require me to stick by his side in sickness and in health till death do us part, if he is the one who may decide to try again to kill me? NO!
Thought: What God has joined together, let no man put assunder: (My own insightful advise). I wouldn't touch this anymore with a ten foot pole. I'm scared just reading about it, but I'll take a chance on going to hell and tell you, "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THAT MANIAC PERMANENTLY! NOW! DIVORCE. RESTRAINING ORDER. MOVE TO ANOTHER LOCATION. AND DON't EVER LET ANYONE TELL HIM WHERE YOU ARE. IF YOU SEE HIM AT A DISTANCE CALL THE COPS RIGHT THEN.
MAYBE I"LL ROT IN HELL.
GULP.
I HAD TO SAY WHAT I THOUGHT!
Say a prayer for me,
Mike Jeffers Olivete MO
Christina,
I had to tell her what I thought. I had to. May God not strike me dead for coming between a husband and wife.
Mike Jeffers
Michael,
I have zero tolerance for abuse or violence.
Christina
Hello again Christina,
There was something i found rather curious about this post.
Doesn't sz usually begin in the late teens/early twenties? Isn't it safe to say that a person who has reached the age of 47 years is safely over the danger zone?
Hello abcd,
there is such a diagnosis as late-onset schizophrenia and who knows we don't have the whole story as to the build-up before the attack. there could've been subtle signals throughout the years that weren't picked up on. however yes late-onset schizophrenia while rare is possible.
Christina
My husband is a CPA, with his own business, and in 203 when he was 44, he becamme schizophrenic and refuses to take medicine. He also has diabetes, and will not take care of that issue, either. He blames my family, friends, ghosts and even strangers for his failing health, yet he continues to do his job correctly. This is very confusing to me and is causing a lot of stress on me.
I Interviewed Xavier Amador about the technique of motivational interviewing to help loved ones who are in denial seek treatment and stay in treatment. see the Amador Interview One and Amador Interview Two.
Also contact NAMI to find the name and number of your local chapter that has family support meetings for family members of loved ones with MIs. Ring them at (800) 950-NAMI (6264). The members will give you even more advice.
Christina
abcd,
by the way a cousin in my family has schizophrenia too and his symptoms worsened later in life so he might have had an undiagnosed version all his life, he has anosognosia and will not get help. however the family was not aware of his illness all these years so he too could've had a late onset.
Christina
Very well said.
You clearly and fearlessly stated what needed to be said without being worried about being "politically correct."
A lot of times I'm able to overcome my fears and say what I think or what's bothering me. Not always but a lot of times.
Mike Jeffers
Marriage is sacred. So is all human life. I won't tell you to divorce,,but I will tell you that you need to be safe. If he gets out and is as delusional as he was he may attack you again. You must think of you. He needs to see the need for help. Your safety is your primary concern. He tied you up once..it may happen again.
I pray that you make the decision that is best for you.
Take care,
Dave
Since he had these kind of delusions involving you trying to poison him, and you are the enemy in his psychotic frame of mind, I would not be surprised if these same delusions come back in the future. Say he decides not to take medication prescribed for his illness, for whatever reason. Say next time he has a loaded gun instead of a hammer. I am a woman and don't think I could risk being terrorized and tortured this way ever again. I divorced an abusive man after 13 yrs of marriage, and I have never regretted it. I still love him, but I will never understand him. And I am much better off mentally. Oddly enough, I am the one who has mental illness, not my ex. And I never tried to harm him. Love does not require that you expose yourself to harm from another. And like I am saying, he will doubtless never fully recover unless he complies with his psychiatric treatment plan, including the meds.
Best wishes to you. Let us know how things turn out, please.
Carolyn
Many years ago i knew a woman who was violently attacked by her 21 year old mentally ill son. He attacked her several times over a period of months. She always glossed it over. After all, he was her son and she loved him.
One afternoon he attacked her again. This time he stabbed her over and over -all over... He just missed her heart. He almost murdered his mother, and he did cause her a permanent physical disability by partially severing a nerve in one of her hands...
He has been in a closed psyciatric hospital since. He is, of course, not to blame. But she is too afraid to take him back to live with her.
The sad truth is that some people belong in a closed ward.
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Thank you Michael for your comments.
I'm glad you spoke your mind.
Regards,
Christina