Very worried about my aunt.
Hi, I just stumbled upon this site while searching for various mental health sites.
My aunt has been acting erratically for about 6 years now. It has escalated in the past few months. She is currently obsessed with this man who lives in the same town as her. He's an owner of a restaurant.. She looked up the restaurant, and proceeded to send multiple emails to the address listed on the site as his personal email. Basically saying that they had this chemistry blah blah.. oh and also that her 'spirit guide' told her that his girlfriend was cheating on him. Meanwhile she doesn't even know if he has a girlfriend. The guy responded once to ask her who the heck she was? and that she was freaking him out.She believes his girlfriend intercepted this email, and that it was her responding, not him.
After not getting the response she wanted with email.. she took it to the next level. She wrote him a 40 page letter and mailed it to his home address. The man, who is friends with a mutual family friend, told my uncle about this letter, and that he was thinking about calling the cops. The family friend convinced him not to -- and we got the letter, read it. It's basically jibberish. She says the same things over and over again. She asks him if he works for the CIA, and talks about how her spirit guide told her who all the drug dealers were in the town. And again, that his gf is cheating on him.
We tried to talk to her about the letter. she flipped out. said it was illegal to read others mail and refused to believe that this guy she's in love with even read the thing. Again, that the gf intercepted. Now she believes the entire family is against her, and plotting to ruin her life. Also she believes a local bartender of this bar that the guy she's obsessed with visits - tried to poison her drink. And that the family is making up all these lies about her and spreading them all around town. Which is not true.
She thinks there is nothing wrong with her, it's everyone else who has the problem! She has a job, works full time, has a 16 year old son. On the surface it seems she's functioning but this cannot be normal behavior! We really don't know what to do, have contacted crisis intervention but they said they can't do anything bc she isn't a danger to herself or others. Any thoughts or ideas would be sooo appreciated! thank you for reading.
I'm sorry to say this sounds like something that could escalate. If I were the restaurant owner, I wouldn't think twice about calling the police. It is wonderful that you are concerned about your aunt. Maybe you can make a difference in her life and in the course of her illness. If she would like to be free of these delusions that is your starting place. Do you think she might agree to a trial period on medication, or would that merely be another "poison?" Sounds like it will be very difficult to reach her without arousing suspiciosns that you, too, are an agent of the CIA or in league with the gf of the restaurant owner, etc. And difficult also to get her to a psychiatrist. Your hands may be tied because she will refuse help.
You said she has job responsibilities and other responsibilities she seems to juggle okay. But still I would be they are all affected in some way by her obvious illness. And I am afraid I'm not helping much. If she could be convinced that her delusions are negatively affecting her whole life and the lives of others....? Perhaps there are some goals she is unable to reach because of this -- that might be a backdoor entrance for her to at least discuss what is going on? Probably not because delusions can be very powerful. And they do not often respond to reason.
Please continue to post here and let us know how things are going. I do feel deeply for you and your plight.
Carolyn
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Hello mollis,
I feel for what you're going through as right now, hospitals won't admit someone unless he is a danger to himself or others. You will need, to the best extent you could, monitor her behavior and at the first change you can exaggerate that she is a danger to others or herself, get her to a hospital. This could require boldfaced fudging of the truth that she is a danger.
Because, already, she has crossed a line. The restaurant owner would be within his right to call the police, yet if they arrested her for a petty crime, she could be jailed and that would start a cycle of going in and out of jails instead of a hospital where she'd get the best treatment for her mental illness.
Your aunt also needs to get tested [bloodwork] to determine if there could be another medical condition causing her delusions, yet it is quite likely schizophrenia from what you've said.
When a loved one lacks awareness that he has an illness [it's a symptom of the sz, called anosognosia], I recommend the family members read Xavier Amador's book, I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help, which coaches the family members in how to talk to the person to influence him to seek treatment. It sounds like your aunt lacks the insight that what she thinks is happening, isn't really happening.
Like I said, you may want to greatly exaggerate the danger she is to the restaurant owner if you see it getting out of hand [though it's already gone too far]. The thing you could do that's a strong possibility is to talk to the restaurant owner, explain what is going on and offer to go with him to the police to urge themt hat your aunt needs help. The restaurant owner could lay it on thick that he doesn't feel safe and she needs to be in a hospital, not a jail.
I wish you find relief soon.
Regards,
cb
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