Hello tml2812,

Your concern is understandable and natural.

It's to his credit that your fiance has been up-front with the history of mental illness in his family. Of course you are engaged to be married so he couldn't not tell you.

I know women and men with schizophrenia who do have children and have raised them or are raising the kids successfully.  One person's son developed bipolar yet went on to have a good life.

That's not to say that if I tell you this is possible, it's a guaranteed possibility with your fiance.

The key is that, if your fiance were to exhibit signs of schizophrenia, you would assist in getting him immediate treatment, because there would be a better prognosis.  And if your kid or kids started to developed symptoms, you would get them immediate treatment.

Lastly, I want to talk to you as one person to another, setting aside for the moment the issue of mental illness in the family.

The choice of whether to have kids or not is a major issue for any couple planning to get married.  Even if neither one of the couple has a mental illness, both parties need to be clear on whether they together agree to have kids or not have kids.

So the choice really is, you know that your fiance wants kids.  Do you want kids so badly that you're willing to risk this big unknown possiblity?  It would be unwise to enter any marriage thinking you could change your mind about this after you tie the knot.  The other person will get hurt if one of you goes into this saying you want kids and then reverses this stance after you're married, or saying you don't want kids and then deciding you want them.

You love your fiance, you're engaged to this guy.  If he loves and respects you, he'll consider your views and work with you on this.

It's okay if you decide you don't want kids, you just have to be clear on this.  This is your right.

Trust your gut, yet be honest.

Regards,

Chri

It is like reading all the possible side effects on that piece of paper that comes with prescription meds.  That can scare you so bad you don't even want to take the med and risk the side effects.  There are risks with everything you do.  And everyone you love.  If you are so afraid of taking risks that you never step out and reach for what you want, you will be crippled for life.  But like Chris said, be honest with your fiance about what your fears and expectations are and make sure the risks are acceptable for both of you.  And even if you have a child with mental illness, or your fiance develops mental illness, that does not negate their importance in this world.  It gives you a special opportunity to love even more.

Carolyn