Greetings, I have been experiencing a bizarre and discouraging series of events which I can at best relate to mental health, and am looking for a second opinion. I have long battled hypochondria, obsessive compulsive disorder and paranoid anxiety, and am aware of the power of psychosomatic influence over symptoms. About six months ago I did something very foolish and am ashamed to reveal it but I feel it is a necessary factor to the introduction of what, I suppose one may say, is "happening" to me. I was heavily peer pressured by my supervisor at work to begin smoking pot with him, I weakly gave in, it wouldn't be the first time I had done it but I am not a regular user or even an advocate of recreational drugs. I hadn't done it in quite some time, since I was in my early teens almost a decade ago, and decided to ingest it orally under the assumption that it would have less of an effect if any. The story of that day is a long one, but to shorten it I began hallucinating intensely and had a panic attack under the impression that I was inches from death, my wife drove me to the ER, they gave me Ativan to slow my heartbeat and all was well again. Needless to say I haven't touched it since and feel really stupid, but the experience I had that day rapidly and almost completely annihilated my ongoing perception of reality. Aside from a constant fear that my heart is going to stop functioning properly and the occasional panic attack proceeding that incident, I've begun to gradually, I feel, 'lose touch'. At times, usually triggered by the mention of anything metaphysical or relating to death, I am haunted by this complete altered state of consciousness in which everything feels 'wrong'. At this point in time I am aware that it is irrational, but I fear that I will lose grip of that awareness and begin to eventually cease being able to snap myself out of it with logic: I worry that I do not belong on this plane of existence, that this is all a very dark, very unnatural illusion, that reality as we know it is a very centered joke upon myself for some otherworldly and inconceivably cruel reason, and everything feels 'fake', surreal, hollow, other adjectives which have no place describing anything grounded in reality. I know that this sounds insane, and that is precisely what I am worried about, of course no one can relate to these strange and dangerous feelings because these thoughts do not occur naturally to a sane person. I cannot convey this altered sense of reality to anyone, but it frightens me to the point of core terror, and I am afraid that these irrational episodes will begin to last for longer periods of time if not permanently, because they are occurring with perpetual frequency. I have serious OCD, am a chronic hypochondriac and my doctor put me on paxil to sedate my panic attacks, but even with all of this knowledge I still fear that I am going completely insane. What's worse, when I am experiencing this frightening state of mind I have this overwhelming need to get away from it, even and especially to the point of suicide, I become convinced that it is the only way out of this maddened state of perception, it is not spawned by depression or fear, more of a simple need to get away from 'where I am', equated emotionally to stepping into an adjacent room where the walls are painted a more pleasing color, not spawned from a desire to die. I am afraid that I will not be forever able to combat this nonsense with the rational understanding that it is indeed an irrational state of mind and not a true perception. I further fear that that part of my brain which separates thought from action will eventually cease to be under my control and I will do something I do not rationally wish to. Is this schizophrenia? It feels so unnatural, I live a perfectly happy life, am happily married, have a steady job and have never had any real difficulties which I could not cope with efficiently, I have however always battled consistent anxiety, I think I may have always had this craziness in me and that stupid pot trip I put myself on sped things along. Maybe it was laced, I certainly haven't encountered anyone else who has had this happen to them. Thanks for reading, special thanks for responding.
Q: Fear of developing Schizophrenia or perhaps another psychotic disorder.
Hello,
I cannot give you a second opinion in a formal way as I'm not a professional and do not diagnose or treat medical conditions.
However you yourself know that you need to stop smoking pot and that means never again because heavy or repated pot use can cause psychosis as you have found out when you gave in to peer pressure.
We all have made mistakes in our behaviors and it is a good thing you have learned from your mistake.
I would suggest you talk to a cognitive therapist for a round of sessions. I recently saw a cognitive therapist who treated my increased worries as if they were OCD and he helped me greatly. Or else talk to a regular therapist however I'm a big believer in cognitive therapy when someone has worry that is out of control.
The other community member who responded to you first is right:
You are ahead of the game because you have the insight that something is wrong.
The bottom line is: what's going on is greatly upsetting to you.
So please talk to a professional who can put your mind at ease and help you discover coping strategies.
I wish you all the best.
Regards,
Christina
A lot of people who experience these types of symptoms lack insight. With your awareness and desire to feel better, you are way ahead of the game. Congratulations! My two cents: A diagnosis doesn't matter, but peace of mind does. A psychiatrist can help to find medication and NAMI can help you and your loved ones find education and support. If you start with both of these resources, they will help should you find the need for more. Good Luck!
Hello
i would like to start off by saying i know exactly what u r going through it every detail
it started happening with me not long after spring began in 2009
i am crunched on time at the moment
please respond to this
thanks
now that i have more time i will finish with a second post
i am a frequent marijuana smoker with mild ocd but with extreme ADD
after being prescribed with a trial run of ridelin to help my add i smoked marijuana the same time i was on ridelin
during my extreme high i had non stop occuring deja vu and my thought process was completly disorientated
i was woundering if i was truly going insaine
it felt like i had already lived what i was currently going through
it felt like a dream
like everything was staged and i was it the truman show but it was all about me
it wore off and i was fine and continued to smoke about once a week
ever since i would get deja vu atleast once a day and wounder if weather i was in a planned day to day life or if i would dream each day before it happened and when i would get deja vu it was happening auccuratley to what i dremt
i am very intelligent and usually over think almost everything
the thought of going insaine kept running through my head and no matter how much logic i put in such as "just a bad high" or "bad trip" or "ridelin made my high bad" i couldnt stop woundering from time to time
on top of that thought of insainty i remembered my doctor telling me the side affects of ridelin. ( deep depression, thoughts of suicide, nausia, ect.)
the one that stuck in my head the most was suicide
i was in a depressed state to begin with when my parents got a divorce and father moved out a week before the bad high
i woundered if the side affect of ridelin (suidice) was going to happen to myself
that is one of my biggest fears
like u said i dont want it to happen but it would end this madness of parinoia and insanity
i would much rather live with a normal mind set than be dead
the schizophrenia factor of my parinoia came in when i learned that smoking marijuana can cause it
i did research on the disease and know fully i dont have it but i am scared i might have the begining stages
every ten min or so i will remember my phobia of a mental illness and i will get anexiety over it
i can block it out most of the times but ever hour or atleast 3 times a day i will have to think about it in my mind to settly down my paranoia of being insaine
i dont have any voices in my head except my normal thoughts but its not like i hear peoples voices talking to me
i just want to know what is going on with me
and i would like to talk to someone that is going through the same things
im sure there is some sort of name for what we r expierencing but im sure its not skitzophrenia because i am not socially outcasted, i make sense when i talk, and i am a very normal high school senior with many friends
i just cant stop thinking about if i am sucidial or insaine or skitzo or have some other illness
today in pysch class the teacher told a story about a skitzo that killed himself
it made me start freaking out about if im going to do that if i cant fight this stupid phobia that my pot smoking is making me insaine
i dont know how long my defense will last
i am perfectly stable currently but i fear what will happen if this lasts for years on end
sorry if i am rambling but i needed to get it out and needed to let someone know they r not alone
thanks for letting me know im not alone friend!
please reply
Please understand I want only the best for you, as I want only the best for every community member here at the Connection.
This is not what you are going to want to hear. All of this appears to have been caused by the pot smoking. Please do yourself a favor and consider not smoking pot any more. The longer you continue to smoke pot the worse it will get. Who knows maybe you smoke pot because your friends all get high. Then maybe they need to respect you if you choose not to smoke and if they don't respect you maybe you need to get a new set of friends.
What I sense you are looking for is a confirmation that you do not have schizophrenia. You might not have schizophrenia or depression or any other mental illness right now however if you continue to smoke pot you run the risk of some very serious trouble down the road.
I knew someone who smoked pot every day [he was an adult] and it got so bad that he couldn't function normally without smoking a bowl before attending a meeting or social function. His brain was fried and he needed pot just to get through the day. A true fact: this same guy was fired from every job he ever had as an adult. He couldn't hold a job, he had a string of girlfriends who abandoned him. I once went to a lecture with him hosted by professionals in our field and he whispered to me from our seats in the back row that if he had known how the talk was going to be he would've smoked a bowl beforehand.
Seriously. Having your life revolve around your next toke is no joke, it's no laughing matter.
I'm sorry for coming on strong however when I hear that pot is harmless I can tell you I know better.
If you would like some peace of mind, try doing something else with your extra time like working at a part-time job or doing volunteer work.
You are young and you deserve to have peace of mind.
I will leave you to sort through what I've written so that you can decide for yourself what you want to do.
Please understand I mean only the best.
Regards,
Christina
I have been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety (severe), and chronic depression. I am not a doctor, of course, but I am in nursing school and as a fellow OCD sufferer I'm sure you know one's tendency to research symptoms online. With that said I can assure you that you-do-not-have-schizophrenia. If you're anything like me you will dismiss any reassurance someone gives you, over-analyze your symptoms until the reassurance means nothing to you, or assume it doesn't apply to your particular situation. Again, this is something else I and every other OCD sufferer has in common. If you were developing schizophrenia you would not be seeking help online, let alone typing as articulate as you are. Schizophrenics are not logical thinkers without medication. They think everyone else is wrong and they are right. You clearly realize something is wrong. You might be right, but in saying that you have just marked schizophrenia off the list of possibilities.
What you are experiencing is called depersonalization/derealization. This is very common for people living a stressful lifestyle and it induced by anxiety and OCD. I had it for quite a while (4 months) and was scared to death I was experiencing psychosis. It's not. It's your brains natural way of "shutting down" not breaking down. Your brain goes into hibernation to where you can function just on the edge of consiousness... this allows the brain to get a break from the intensity of the obsessive thoughts and anxiety. Relax and let it come over you as hard as that is. (I know it's extremely hard but as soon as you accept the detached feeling it will begin to fade... especially as it reached spring and summer time). The sunlight will help trememdously. Good luck... things will improve, take the word of someone who's been there.
God Bless.
Hi There,
Do not be afraid of this cannabis psychosis.
The same thing happened to me when I was 17 years old.
I had a 2 day trip, which was one long, constant Deja Vu.
I felt as though my entire life was pre-scripted... it was hell. Literally.
I have spent many decades living in the shadow of this experience and when I was in my thirties developed Manic Depression.
Sometimes if I am tired, I 2click" back into this state... and interestingly, the awful physical (mechanicla grinding feeling) that accompanied the original trip (due to the cannabis' affect on my nervous system I assume), comes back.
Clearly, the link between the memory and mental thoughts I experienced at the time if the psychosis, created a very strong link / conneciton with the physical feelings.
Now, I have to use simple logic to convice myself that it was only a nasty reaction to this trip.
Pre-determined actions / thoughts on a micro-level (ie from second to second), is ridiculous. It is pointless. Totally !
No God would do this to everyone.. and why do people not experience this feeling all the time ? Maybe, the canabis allows us to "tap in" to what is REALLY happening ?
No. Again, ridiculous. Cannabis muddles the thoughts, sedates the feelings. If it were a stimulant... then maybe. Maybe !
The simplest explanation - which is usually corect (!) - is that the cannabis has messed with your brain. You only have to read about all the symptoms people have described as a result of taking drugs... especially mind altering drugs.
The simple explanation is: cannabis scrambles your brain. End of.
I promise you, you are NOT receiving an "insight" as to "reality". Reality is as it appears witohut the aid of drugs !
I am just glad, I am not the only one to have experienced stuff like this. For twenty five years, I thought I was.
Now, it makes things easier. If others experience the same things on cannabis... that explains it !
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Thank you for your response, I should state in case I hadn't made it clear in my original post that I do not smoke pot, or consume it in anyway way. I had not used marijuana more than three times in my life, that was the third and the last, and that was about 6 months ago, and even then I didn't smoke it, I ate it.