Tuesday, May 12, 2009 drifting s13 asks

Q: i am so confused and dont know what to do...?

ok, a little about me and then to my situation.. i am 18 years old, i am sure i have schizophrenia wich i will get into shortly, have been battleing with depression for the last 6 years, im drowning in debt with very little to show for it, working 50 hours a week and clearing a little over 550. i find it extreamly hard to talk about this to people around me simply due to the fact that i think people will be scared off by it wich is the reason im here today. now to my situation, for as long as i can rember i have had not only other voices, but mainly my own voice in my head, telling me things i dont really want to hear, and it was only about 4 or so years ago that i clicked on to what it was, like.. i allways knew it was their but never understood why, it was what i thought was normal, that was untill i got into deep depression and started to poke around to find out what was 'normal' to others and what was normal to me in my every day life, since then, i have been able to manage very well with it, and i guess its because i understand what it is and have read alot of info about it.... but, i can only manage with the occasinal, what i call outside voice, wich is a voice other than my own, i find it difficult to do this when im with people and i hear their voice, but im rashinal and i can usually tell the diffrence between whats in my head and whats actually their, but its when it comes to my own voice that i find it so extreamly difficult to deal with, because when you think, you hear yourself in your head, such as when you type, you think it then type it. well that same voice i think with also tells me things, (and i apolagise if its hard for you to get what im trying to say, because the hardest thing to do is try to explain what goes on up their so ill use an exsample.) i recently convinced myself to kill myself, and i thought it was me thinking theis thought and that it was the best thing for me to do because of my situation, but when i confied in my best friend a couple of week ago and told her for the first time about my battle with schizophrenia and told her about everything that was going to happen and my plan to kill myself, it was then that she said something that really confused me, and it has had me in a war of words in my head to the extent that i dont even no that what im thinking is actually what im thinking and not just my voice, and all she said was, "are you sure it was you thinking that.." and now i am so confused and i feel like my head is about to explode with this war that is going on up their, that i just dont no what to think anymore because im not even sure if its me thinking theis things, im sorry that it took so long to get to the point but its just so hard for me to think of what to say because i have to second guess everything and it kind of becomes confusing, but anyway.. any help, sugestuns and advice would be much appreciated. also any questions will be gladly answerd. thank you for your time in reading this massive jumble that is my head. Cheers, Chris.

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Answers (4)

Christina Bruni, Health Guide

5/12/09 9:38pm

Hello drifting,

I understand what you are going through because although I don't hear voices, troublesome thoughts pop in my head that upset me. They are my own.

At the least it would benefit you to talk to someone like a therapist, psychiatrist or if you feel you would be helped, a priest from a recognized religion that you are a member of, not some kind of self-proclaimed guru.

Because you have expressed a thought about suicide, now is the time to talk to someone. You could go in an Australian directory on the Internet or one for your town or city and look up mental health agencies. In the U.S. and most likely in Australia, you can see a psychiatrist and therapist on a sliding fee scale, that is, you pay them a fee based on your income level.

Now is the time to talk with someone in person. If you are clear-headed and lucid enough in your thinking to write in and ask the question you just did, with the level of detail and insight you bring to your situation, there's a good chance you can get treated outside of a hospital. In the U.S., the criteria for admitting a person to a "mental hospital" is that he or she is a danger to himself or someone else.

You want to get better, so I suggest you find someone to talk to. Log on to http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/australia-suicide-hotlines.html

to find hotlines in Australia to talk to someone. Stress to them that you want to avoid going into a psych ward yet you want some comfort and peace of mind.

Another alternative is to call the local good hospital that does have a psych ward, and ask for the names of two or three doctors they recommend in the community. They may also be able to recommend a mental health clinic or other outpatient services.

Best wishes,

Christina

Donna-1

5/12/09 1:44pm

There really is no need for you to kill yourself in order to get away from the depression and voices. There are medications on the market that can help with both. Many counties in the US (are you in the US?) have mental health resources that can provide counselors and doctors and medication, usually on a sliding scale according to how much money you make. Get started and find out what services are available to you from the gov't. Also, most of the major drug companies will help you get the meds you need if you are unable to afford them.

I suffered greatly with depression and voices for years. I started seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed depression medicine and it has helped tremendously. I am no longer depressed or hear voices. It took a while to recover, so start now. I hope you will be feeling better soon. Also, everyone at this site would be glad to read your posts on how things are going and offer helpful suggestions.

Best wishes,

Carolyn

drifting s13

5/12/09 6:12pm

thanks for your reply. i dont know why i ccame up with the souloution to kill myself, but i was convinced for some reason that it was the best thing to do, it is so hard to determain what voice is mine. i live in australia and im not really sure were im ment to go or who im ment to see to get help, plus i have this massive fear that ill get thrown into a mental hospital, not sure why and i no deep down that its not going to happen, but my head still tells me it is and that i shouldnt get help, cheers chris

Christina Bruni, Health Guide

5/12/09 9:57pm

Hi drifting,

I'm back. I found a web site link that I feel may be comforting to you. Read near the bottom of the page that I link to, about the biochemical connection in people who are feeling suicidal. You may need medication to set the chemicals in your brain in balance.

Here it is: http://www.suicide.org/index.html

You are honest and self-aware, so please take the next step. Be courageous and talk to someone. We all care about you and trust me, the pain you are feeling can go away and you can live and feel better.

Peace,

Christina

just trying to help

5/12/09 9:57pm

Chris-

In order to get an accurate understanding of what is going on internally and externally for you, I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist. If the quickest way to do so is going to the hospital, I would encourage you to do so. I work in a psychiatric inpatient hospital and I see all walks of life. I can imagine how intimidating it would be if you have never been hospitalized to seek hospitalization; however, I must include, most of my patients that present with the fear you have noted, after treated, find their hospitalization EXTREMELY helpful. I do not endorse hospitalizations, but if they are needed they are available. I wish you well in your recovery and please make sure that you continue to ask questions! Knowledge is power.

Good Luck-

A social worker

Q: i am so confused and dont know what to do...?

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