I am very concerned about my husband. Over the past month, his behavior has become increasingly bizarre. He has repeatedly accused me of infidelity (which, of course, isnt true, and he has no reason to suspect it), will not talk near windows, thinks his co-workers are trying to destroy his career and family. He also accuses me of trying to indirectly terrorize him, by setting out certain books (which he actually sets out and accuses me of doing), or by a specific word I happen to say. I used the word "pack" the other day, and he thought I was implying that he was a wolf... He thought his own family was verbally attacking me by certain words they used, he also gets "messages" from books he's reading. To complicate matters, we have a 1 year old son and another one on the way. At times, he admits he has a problem, and promises to see someone about it. But typically, he says I'm the one with the problem. I am very uncomfortable around my husband these days (and it seems to be escalating), and stressed out most of the time. He refuses to seek help, which doesn't surprise me, but I'm literally close to walking out for the sake of our unborn child and my own mental health. Any advice would be very welcome!!!
Q: Is my husband schizophrenic?? What can I do?
Hello Jessica,
First, I feel for what you are going through.
I'm sorry to say that it is only going to get worse unless your husband gets treatment [with medication for schizophrenia, if it turns out he has this illness and blood tests don't rule it out]. Quick intervention is best; early intervention bodes well for a better outcome.
Up to 50 percent of people with schizophrenia have a symptom called anosognosia, the lack of awareness that they have an illness, so of course they'll refuse treatment, or agree with their loved ones that they need treatment [ultimately only coddling them] and then not follow-through, just to get you off their case.
At least 10 times in this "Ask" feature I've referred family members to Xavier Amador's book, I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help because in it he coaches you how to talk to a loved one to get them to seek treatment and medication. So you may want to read the updated 2007 edition.
Your husband needs to get in treatment as soon as possible. You have your children to think about, and he is on his way to becoming disabled by his paranoia and unable to care for them or you, so you have to take action. To be hospitalized, a person has to be considered a danger to himself or others. If you could make that case, he could be forced into a hospital and given medication, if you claimed he's jeopardizing his children's safety or your own.
The point is, you can't wait until it gets to that point, though sometimes that's the only way to get action taken. I also urge you to log on to www.nami.org and call them at (800) 950-NAMI (6264) to find a local support group in your area for people whose loved ones have mental illnesses.
It's you're call. Go with your gut. If you feel at any time that you have to get out of the relationship, I will support you in that decision. Read the SharePosts and Ask questions here, and sometimes even message boards here have similar stories to yours. Be prepared for the struggle, because it won't be easy, and it could take a long time before your husband gets well, if it turns out he will consider treatment. Because if he doesn't get in treatment, that's not a pretty picture. You will have to think twice before staying in that kind of environment with your kids.
And you are right to do what you feel you have to do, for the sake of providing a better life for your children. If you choose to get out, know that you have what it takes to succeed. I firmly believe that women have what it takes to survive any kind of challenge.
Best regards,
cb
Hello Jessica,
I so feel for you in your situation and am very glad that Christina, as usual, has posted her expert reply with all her knowledge and experience and empathy.
I would just add that your husband certainly seems in the grip of an acute and escalating psychotic episode with strong paranoid features and is rapidly losing touch with reality (and judgement..) No doubt he is feeling increasingly mistrusting and threatened, therefore is in mounting mental and physical distress, which can't be reasoned with. (Don't try!)
Please take heed of Christina's strategies for getting help, because medication is needed urgently.
Have some Mental First Aid Emergency plans in place, but if your gut feelings say, Danger, follow them, do not hesitate.
Involuntary treatment might be the necessary beginning of recovery.
Chris from UK,
untreated family member with probable paranoid sz
I really feel for you because I am living with the same problem. Mine thinks that people on television can hear our conversations, that the guys he works with are wearing secret microphones, and I can't even hire a handyman to fix things because I'm having affairs all over the place. He hears stuff that nobody else hears, sees people and things...AND he's ON medication! The medications help somewhat but they won't eliminate all the symptoms. My husband is so bad, the girls where I work can't understand why I stay with him. I do love him but I also know that if I don't stay with him, he probably won't take care of himself and either end up in an institution or in jail. I did alot of research and it seems to happen to young adults; they don't know why. It might be an early dementia of some sort. I wanted him to get tested for some sorta lead or metal toxicity because he does work in a metal shop. One lady my mother knows, her husband does the same thing but he would get mad, quit his job and just leave the house on foot and walk till he had no money left; then the police would bring him back home. They are getting a divorce. I've even tried to get my husband to read other people's responses, such as yours, and he thinks I put them up to it and that everything on the internet is fabricated. So far, tonight, my husband found an old phone book that I haven't seen in years, pulled out the name of some guy name "BILL" and so that's who else I'm seeing now!...it's not funny, ...I don't know who the person is because the address book is so old. I am constantly justifiying myself as he stands there questioning me with that glazed look on his face. I don't know how old your husband is but if you and him have family, you need to get them involved...you're going to need all the support you can get.
All of what you describe sounds SO familiar, too! Shortly after my first post, my husband did escalate rapidly, and (thank God) sought help from a close uncle. He inevitably checked himself in to a nearby psychiatric hospital, where he stayed for about 10 days. He was put on a variety of anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, etc. which had to be closely monitored and adjusted. This was two years ago, and I am happy to report that he is completely off medication and symtom-free, I really can't beleive it. He is very apologetic of the whole situation and thankful that I stayed with him, which he told me after the fact was below the surface for a long time before I even began noticing. He doesn't like to talk about it too much, but he described the delusions as being very real, but which seem completely preposterous to him now. Perhaps your husbands medication needs to be adjusted, I know that when he was first put on medication it sometimes made things worse. Most importantly make sure he's taking it!!! There were several occasions where my husband would start to "feel better" and stop taking his meds. I had to find out the hard way...
Keep me posted of any developments, you are in my thoughts.
-Jessica
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HI JESSICA
I HERE YOU I WAS MARRIED AN MY HUSBAND FAMILY HAD THIS THE MOM THE
SISTERS AND THE BROTHERS IT SCARED ME AN ME AN MY HUBBY DID NOT HAVE
ANY CHILDREN BUT THE MOOD SWINGS AN THE CHANGES AN THE STUFF HE WOULD SAY MADE ME WONDER ARE U OK HE JUST CHANGED FROM BEING A NICE PERSON TO HE COULD NOT GET HIS THOUGHTS TOGETHER SO AFTER A
WHILE JUST I SAID THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK I FILED FOR DIVORCE HE
WOULD CALL ALL THE TIME SAYING DO NOT DIVORCE HIM HE WILL CHANGE
IT WAS NO CHANGING BUT NOW HE HAS MOVE ON AN SO HAVE I. I WISH HIM
AN WHOEVER THE BEST.SO FOLLOW YOUR HEART AN HOPE U WRITE BACK