How to adapt to a paranoid schzophrenic husband? Should I stay or leave for myself and my sanity?

Thanks for your support. I am still evaluating this as I have been for 2 years however he is now taking his meds after we eventually separated. I appreciate the perspective regarding the fact that an illness is no excuse for bad behavior. That's a wonderful way of thinking about this. Thanks again!

Well, he says he has not cheated. However, I found an email of a women he was pursuing. However, when I talked to her she said nothing happened because she was not interested in him.  I don't really know of any other women however, I have felt that he would have cheated if the women was willing to be with him. I also know that that issue is something I can't deal with on top of the schizophrenia -- plus its such a double standard because he was always so paranoid about me and my friends (male and female). As of the past month he is saying that he is going to commit to meds and has been taking them for a month. As for the marriage, I think the problem is that I have been the one working overtime because I believe in marriage and meant what I said to him and God on your wedding day. Thanks for the insight.

Currently, my husband is working some on his recovery as he has been on meds for a month. I however, am not sure if it will last because he has stopped before. My husband is really intelligent and at his best very helpful. However, he has been in denial for a long time as says that he is excepting it this time. He still goes back and forth and I find it difficult to explain and justify why I feel the way I do. I think that if he can be on one side or the other I would have no problem in addition to be committed to the marriage. I am not sure if him pursuing another women was a really issue between us or a poor judgment due to schizophrenia because he was off his meds.

Currently, he is connected to the local mental health and has confidence in one of the nursing there. She truely understand my situation only does not want to lose his trust as he is so mistrustful and paranoid about things. There are not many support groups here however, there may be one I can start and possibly also attend in the fall through NAMI.

Question: How can I sort through the situation with the women he was pursuing via email-- an if it was indeed just bad judgement that could be related to his condition?

Also, the situation were he was going to put our 2 year old daugther in the bath tub with him even though that was not something that was ok in the past? However because I was home I prevented him from doing so.

There are some parents that are strange like that in regard to nudity and children. I don't know until what age they would do that but the tub thing seems a little extreme. I taught my children to wash themselves as soon as they were able and their mother was not that way and ended up unteaching them. The mother often wants the children to stay babies while the husband usually wants them to grow up.

Hi Marie,

Your husband may say anything to keep you hooked and have you believing he will change and commit to taking the meds.   Then he'll feel better and could risk going off them again once he knows you're in his corner.

The nudity is totally unacceptable and so is taking his daughter into the tub with him.  Schizophrenia is no excuse for such behavior.

Right now you say you are separated and so I understand you need to take care of yourself and your daughter right now.

As for the other woman you really have to decide what you want to accept and whether you are willing to trust your husband right now.  If he is giving you the indication that you can trust him that is one thing however now he is in the position to need to earn your trust after what happened. 

I feel you know in your heart what you need to do for yourself.

Regards,

Christina

Thanks for the different perspective. I am not sure how it will go only I know that at times he is still unstable and now that we are separated this is good for me and our child. He does not really understand why when he is unstable I don't allow her to go over to his house. I really don't want a divorce but if he does not make a serious committment I have no choice.

Thanks for the passionate response. Actually, I am a therapist and I very well understand his condition however, for the past 2 or more years he has been in denial and refusing the treatment, meds and professional advise I have been giving him. Not to mention that there have been several causes with our 2 year old daugther that I can neither confirm or deny. Frankly, I love my husband first and foremost or I would not be realistically the only sure support he has. However, understanding from an therapist perspective has been quite different from a personal situation. In my work, I get to leave work with my hours or duty is done however in such a case I am on call and working all the time with limited support. Perhaps, being on the other side of this situation makes it more easily said than done. I would not be leaving for the reason of his condition along only at the result, he makes a choice not to be committment to the marriage, me, our daughter, recieving support and his condition. I can make him be apart of something he does not want to be apart of and I will not allow him to make excuses as to why he should have favor in spite of poor judgements. Just as he can make a choice and I can make one as well. I have no problems with marriage.

On another note, I realize that helping him is by no means a validation of me as a therapist. I am not in the business of saving anyone. It's a choice he must make just as its a choice all clients must make to actively participate in recovery. Once again thanks for your point of view.