I was diagnosed schizoaffective years ago and still cannot come to grips with it. I have been through many diagnoses over the years (Bi-Polar, BPD, MDD with psychosis) and just don't trust that the doctors really know what's wrong. My illness onset was insidious, starting with depression in high school and progressing to full blown delusions and loss of control by the time I left college. I know that 'something' is wrong. I have lots of negative symptoms and paranoia constantly. Delusions and whispering voices come sometimes, but I can usually keep it together. I am almost 40 now, on disablity, and divorced because my wife couldn't deal with me anymore. I do not have any times when I am 'all better' (remissions), but do seem to cycle very slowly (measured in years). Are there any other possible explanations for my symptoms? Are there any definitive tests (genetic, etc.) out there or on the horizon? Maybe it doesn't matter, but I don't want to be on so many meds, yet I am afraid to go off any. I am costing society over $20,000 per year in meds and all I have to show for it is that I'm still here. I always want another opinion, a more concrete and cureable disease, let it be anything but schizophrenia.





