Saturday, September 27, 2008 ladyfern asks

Q: He thought I was his sister then a saint for 3 years.......no real relationship for years.

What happens when you want to hide the disease and have been for years from your beloved ones ; including the children and your husband is `so strange you have touble keeping up the charade but won`t hurt him, nor them . I have a friendship with a husband and can`t deny something is wrong any more. I am a registred nurse and lie day after day about my wonderful husband who is so very calm. I want a real life but would hurt them all if I tell about what has been going on. e denies there isa problem and thinks our married life is fine, we are good friends.

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Christina Bruni

9/28/08 8:28am

Hello ladyfern,

I feel for what you are going through.

However, you must tell the truth.

What is the payoff in your keeping up the charade?

Is your husband in treatment? Has he not been taking medication? Perhaps the medication doesn't alleviate the symptoms.

Either way, you need to be honest with your children. How old are they? If they are at least 12, that could be the cut-off age at which you tell them. Any younger, I'm not sure you need to go into detail, but you do need to say something.

I am sorry your husband's behavior has affected your marriage.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has local affiliates in the United States that offer weekly Family Support Meetings for people whose loved ones have mental illnesses. You may want to start out by attending one of these meetings, which are "stigma-free zones" where you talk with others who have similiar situations, and share your story to get support and coping techniques.

Call NAMI at (800) 950-NAMI (6264) to find the phone number and location of an affiliate in your area. If you are outside of the United States, consider starting your own support group. There are organizations similiar to NAMI, throughout the world.

It will only eat at you if you bury your feelings and lie and deny throughout your life. To quote James Baldwin, "Nothing can be changed unless it is faced."

You deserve to have a relationship with your husband. I don't believe that people with schizophrenia are so hopeless that they can't work on themselves and take steps, however small, to be in relationships.

I detect an undercurrent of resentment that you have been put in this situation. That is why you can't go on as if nothing is wrong. Please seek out a Family Support Meeting, or individual sessions with a therapist.

You have options. Silence is an option. However, I don't think it's the healthiest one.

I wish you to find some relief and comfort.

Please feel free to write SharePosts at this Web site, if you want to talk more about what's going on.

Peace,

Christina