Concerned for my 6 yr old step daughter she acts not what I know as normal.
Examples:
Kisses on lips and tries to press her body against me, and her father. We pull her away and tell her that only married people kiss like that. She still tries again and again. Tried to get her to tell us where she learned this from we got nowhere.
She is sleeping with a mother that sleeps with no clothes on, now she is starting to remove her clothing at our home when she goes to bed. This concerns us greatly. "is she now sleeping with her mother bare too?"
She saw her father and I give each other a peck on the lips when he arrived home one day. She was playing and having fun then she stopped and said "I don't like it when you do that to me, I am going to cut you" She marched into the kitchen open the knife drawer and searched for a knife.
She stole 4 times from her kindergarten teacher. When caught she has no remorse. She is only concerned that she will get into trouble. She said she takes things because she wants them.
She tries to manipulates by emotion and words.
She can be a real joy though. We love her to death. We want to know how concerned should we be. Her mother is Bi-Polar, belimic, On the wagon Alocoholic. Is this learned or is it a mental condition?
Her behavior can turn on a dime, she is laughing and having fun then she can grab your face and look you squarly in the eye and grawl meanly "I don't like you"
We want to understand her.
i am no expert, but a mother of three, and this is certainly something to be concerned about.
It may not have anything to do with mental illness, though. The kissing, bare sleeping, stealing is not appropriate behaviour.
When my children sometimes show highly inappropriate behaviour, i don't yell or tell them they are being bad. Instead firmly tell them that "kissing mouth to mouth isn't appropriate unless you are married etc." or whatever she is doing, and then go on to state what is the correct way to behave.
i first learned this wonderful tecnique from my daughter's school (she has an autistic spectrum disorder) many years ago. It's called ABA and can be used for ordinary children too.
Do this in a positive spirit, with a genuine smile on your face and real love in your heart (not when you are angry). And every time you see the negetive behaviour repeat this.
It works every time, though not always immediately...
At the tender age of 6 you can completely change a child's behaviour from negative to positive with patience and genuine love.
A child, like an adult, doesn't fail to recognise real love and caring.
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Most of what you described appears to be learned behavior. This child is seeing and experiencing a lot of things that she should not. It could lead to some sort of mental problems down the road but it is hard to tell right now if it is contrived behavior or learned behavior. It seems learned to me and from the description of her mother, it likely is but if she does have any mental problems, it makes it harder to tell and regardless of the origin, the actions are unacceptable.
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Hello Ashley,
abcd gave you some good advice.
I'm concerned about this behavior too.
Did you mention something about a knife?
Again, children go through phases or stages however this behavior to me doesn't seem within the acceptable range.
You do not say if the stepdaughter lives with you and her father or her mother. Sometimes the courts give the child to the mother simply because she's the mother. I know someone with a daughter who has a similar situation going on with the mother.
This is the time to nip it in the bud as the expression goes and keep reinforcing the appropriate behavior so that your step daughter changes her behavior.
I am not sure if I should be suggesting this however I will tell you that if it gets any worse with the mother's behavior if it were me I would re-consider allowing the overnight visits.
Stay strong.
Regards,
Christina
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Hello Ashley,
Further to respond re: what you said at the end of your question about the quick changes in your stepdaughter from one minute to the next.
Please read up about bi-polar so you are aware of the manifestations, as mental illnesses have a genetic component. I'm not a professional so can't diagnose mental health conditions, however, I do want you to know that bi-polar can develop in children at early ages. My friend's daughter started going through her condition when she was eight years old.
So educate yourself and be proactive should something happen that resembles what happened to her mother. I'm not saying that something could definitely happen. However, your stepdaughter's mother has bipolar so you should know about this illness if only to understand how it effects the mother.
Lastly and again, be strong and reinforce the positive behavior.
Regards,
Christina
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