(It's long I know. You don't have to read it all, if it is too long for you, just the key parts.)
Something's wrong with me, and I'm wondering if it is indeed Schizophrenia or some type of it.
So you can better understand why I think that I am here are some of my symptoms(?). Racing thoughts-- While it's not really a racing thought, it's more of a dream, but it's the same one I keep thinking about. I know what I'm doing, for now, but I will imagine that I'm in some house with people that I either don't know or do. It's basically just random things/conversations and nothing weird, probably something that happens to others on a day to day basis. I've been doing this since I was around 11, and quit for a while but I'm now doing it just about everyday..all day. It's gotten to where I can't break free from it. Insomnia-- I don't know if it is just my anxiety that my life is going no-where that is keeping me up at night, or the thoughts, but I cannot sleep for anything. I also have dissociation (I've diagnosed myself on that, I'm not 100% sure yet). I have to ask myself If I really am somewhere, or have just lost it and am imagining the whole thing. Irrational thoughts--I haven't seen anything or heard anything, but sometimes I get these crazy ideas in my head. like someone's going to kill me. I know deep down it's an irrational thought, and I don't know if it because I have seen this illness first hand and am picking up things that I have seen/heard and just scaring myself, or if I am getting it.
I also get the thoughts of hurting my pet, something I'd never do in a million years but they still scare me. Another symptom(?) Isolation-- I don't go anywhere or talk to anyone that isn't related to me. If I do I start shaking and acting rather odd. So if I do go out, I have to have someone I know with me at all times. This has been going on since 2006. I mean I've went places and dated, but never got a job or done anything on my own. I've suffered from depression when I was younger and ended up resorting to cutting to deal with my life. I have stopped cutting but I'm kind of depressed with my life. Not to the point where I'd cause harm to myself or another, just more like bummed out. I don't know if that's a sign or not, but maybe it'll help. I have family members with this illness, including my own father so I'm wondering if I'm starting to get this devastating illness as well. Or if I've just gotten messed up through the years from being around my family and their crazy delusions and the things that I've gone through with them. I'm just so afraid that I will start talking to myself some day to even try and get out and do something. I am starting school in august, something I'm pushing myself to do. I want to be a PA (Physicians Assistant) but I'm afraid maybe I'm trying to pursue the wrong career because if I don't get it now, and do later, then I'll lose my job. Does it sound like I'm developing the early stages of it? Or has anyone else experienced this? Please any information will do. I'm desperate I just want my life back and I feel like I'm on the edge of waking up and no longer being myself.
I've tried to tell my mom that I've got it, but she doesn't take me seriously. I WILL get help; It's something that I want so bad right now even if I don't have the exact signs of SZ. I'm tired of feeling so lost like this, not knowing if I'll slip into an alternate reality. I'm basically just looking for an outsiders opinion or someone that actually suffers from this illness before I try again. My family's either locked up or too embarassed to give me any information on this or I would've gone to them.
Excellent advice has already been given. I didn't respond sooner as I was busy moving into my new apartment.
Definitely see a psychiatrist who can best diagnose you or put your mind at ease. Like Carolyn said, so many psychiatrists and other professionals themselves have mental illnesses. The sooner you get treated if you have an MI, the better the outcome.
I also like the idea of living away from your family while you attend school.
Pursue your dreams now and you won't be disappointed. It is clear to me that you have the insight into what is going on, and that is to your advantage. Nip this thing in the bud, whatever it is.
Good luck with school!
Don't cancel your excellent plans for the future (like becoming a PA) on the chance you might develop schizophrenia at some point. There are psychiatrists and many other types of doctors who have sz themselves and function fine. The very best thing to do is to put your mind at rest and see a psychiatrist and present all your symptoms and questions. Let a professional diagnose you, if there is a diagnosis to be made. There was a lot of anxiety connected with going to college for me, but I got my bachelor's degree on schedule and made almost all A's. I had not been diagnosed with sz at that time, but I was having symptoms like severe social anxiety, paranoia, hallucinations and other perception problems. Don't give up on your dreams.
just for the sake of immediate comfort..while having a family member who has sz does increase your risk, to me your problems sound like they ALL stim from anxiety and your current living environment. I have had all these same issues that you have and have thought that I might have sz at times or might be on the verge of developing it. However, sz usually develops very quickly and it's been about 10 months that i've been having issues so i think i can rule it out. Also, while some people are aware of their initial symptoms, in most cases people who develop sz do not understand what is happening to them and do not have the insight like you obviously do. Take care and I hope things start looking up for you!
i am not an expert but it sounds like you might be suffering from depression or an anxiety disorder.
If you have money, you should see a psyciatrist and find out. There are very good medications that can help with these 2 conditions too.
If you don't have money, you can go to an emergency room at a hospital. Tell the triage nurse you're having an emergency and you must see a psyciatrist immediately.
i myself have a close family member with a severe case of paranoid sz, and it can really devastate a person.
So if you are able, perhaps you should move away from your ill family members. At least for awhile. A good environment will do wonders for you.
You mentioned that you are going to school. Maybe you can live in the dorm (financial assistance is available for this), or share an apartment with other students so that you'll be able to afford living away from upsetting family members.
Perhaps the positive experience of independent living will raise your self-confidence.
Finally, don't do it alone, your problem will only escalate, once you share it with a caring and knowledgable person your situation will improve.
Don't lose hope.. and may comfort and better fortune come your way.
I am glad That you are seeking help. I hope that you will get a professional opinion because personally I cannot say for sure. I do know that some of the symptoms you are having are some of the symptoms. You do need to talk to a physician, there may be something else causeing the symptoms those symptoms do not automatically mean that you have schizophrenia.. Don't worry but do go and get a professional opinion. Hopefully someone else on here will have more insight and be able to answer better I hope they will.
My Scz took 5 years to develop fully before it was diagnosed. There can be a period of time called a prodome (weeks, months or years) of incomplete symptoms before all symptoms develop and it is recognisable as Scz. That said, it doesn't mean you have Scz, just that your symptoms should be checked out. And if they worsen at a later stage, get them checked out again no matter what your initial assessment was, as your condition can change. Your insight is a massive asset for you, in seeking treatment and recovery from whatever might be going on for you. I just wanted to say, if it is Scz... you are not alone, and it's not the end of the world or of your oppotunities in life. I am 29 years old and my symptoms began around age 14. I do not have a mild course of illness, nor does it fully remit between episodes, but I am managing to study Nursing part time at university (College), and I am doing well. You are you greatest advocate, your life is valuable and very much worth living.
I would like to thank everyone who answered this. Some of you had really comforting things to say, and gave me hope that if it was Schizophrenia I would still live a normal life.
I would like to update everyone. I went to countless doctors, brought up family history, told them how I felt and got the same diagnosis-- depression & anxiety.
Three years later the fear of getting SZ hasn't gone away, as I do have the tendency to overly worry sometimes. However, my life right now has gotten a lot better.
I made a lot of changes in my life. Most of it was a struggle just to get past the fear, but I did it. I'm no longer isolated. I have an amazing boyfriend who's there for me and understands my fears and is willing to stand by me no matter what happens. I'm also in college, majoring in Psychology.
All of my symptoms, or what I assumed were signs of Schizophrenia, were due to my anxiety and have since vanished.
Again, thank you to everyone who answered.
I wish you all nothing but the best.
Hey. I know this is like three years on, but just saw this and went through (just got out of) a very similar phrase, albeit with slightly different symptoms. It was without a doubt the most terrifying time of my life. I just wanted to say I'm happy you made it through and all the best with your life :)