Hi folks I am in a gay relationship with a man I love very much. I suspect that he has gone through some sex abuse because when we do things of this nature it always while watching a pornographic video which I didn't mind in the beginning but I'm sensing that something is clearly wrong. He likes having sexual activity with other guys with me which I have pretty much gotten a hold of putting a stop to. He did have an hiv test just last week and he is negative. My concern is there are certain areas he doesnt like me to touch which I dont want to name here. My question is also if he has schizophrenia I remember him telling me his father had it when I asked him the other day he said no. He connstantly lies to me and I get the impression he believes them and he doesn't know what he is doing. Also he'll walk past someone think they are saying something to him and be ready to fight when its clear and obvious nothing goes on. At times he gets real angry and it scares me how he gets. Today for example I merely introduced him to a good friend of mine and he went off the deep end. He said I dont have time to meet him I have to go shopping was rude and so arrogant I was insulted. When I tried to tell him his behavior was not nice he began calling me names and said that I didnt mean nothing to him and that he dont love me. It took me several hours to calm him down to see the light of the situation and he told me the reason for his outburst is he heard people talking about him. I'm concerned cause I love him deeply and I see these episodes getting worse like he'll say mean things about my family then turn around like he did about his father's illness and said he didnt say it. I notice there are days he dont sleep at all and others he sleeps for extended amounts of time. I know he works overnight but it just don't make sense to me. I love him I tried talking to him about getting help but he said he isn't crazy. I never said he was I just want him to be healthy. I feel he is impuslive he makes rash decision the other night we get into a big argument over a blu ray dvd player and he threatened to break up over that. Then hours later he cools down and acts like nothing ever occurred. Sometimes I even hear him mumbling to himself or talk real quiet. Are these signs of schizophrenia and if so how do I help him he loves me I know he does weve been together for a year and I love him totally as well but I know he needs help but he wont allow is there a way I can explain this to him if this is the condition to get him what he needs. I am sorry this is so drawn out and long but I am distraught cause it breaks my heart to see him this way and dont know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated. He is a great guy and he is so young only 28 to suffer this way. I could go on with other things but I hope I explained enough to get an answer. Thank you folks. Bill
Q: Does my boyfriend have schizophrenia?
Hi Bill,
Sounds like you're going through a difficult time. Nothing you said in your description suggests schizophrenia, with the possible exception of an element of paranoia. That said, very many 'normal' people are hypersensitive to what they believe they may have heard from others or simply having been looked at in what they regard as a strange way. All sorts of personality issues, thought processes and behaviors have to be accounted for before a diagnosis of schizophrenia is made. If you'd like to know the basics of schizophrenia read this introduction.
Anger can, and often is, a sign of mental illness. However, it is associated with many possibilities ranging from anxiety, to depression, bipolar disorder, personality disorder and so on. Therefore it is unwise to speculate without proper investigation and diagnosis. Your post hints at a darker side that has not been resolved. An obvious consideration is the extent to which his past may be contributing to current behavior. Unfortunatley without some level of insight on the part of your partner, it can be very difficult to persuade someone that they might benefit from visiting a therapist. He first needs to appreciate that something isn't right and that professional guidance could be useful. Sometimes it can work if you come into the problem from a different angle than simply suggesting someone is ill. For example, his anger sounds like an issue that could get him into trouble, so suggesting anger management might be the starting point to uncover deeper issues.
Hope this helps a little
Hello Bill,
Jerry is right on the money: it could be any number of things or unresolved issues impacting his behavior. Do you feel it would help to suggest to him how his behavior is affecting you? You could frame it in terms of "working on this together" to let him know you'll stand by him as he works on whatever it is that's going on. Something like telling him "I want to help you feel better and have more peace."
Jerry is also right that without insight it's much harder for someone to even admit he has a problem, let alone work on resolving it.
You of course would not say "You make me so mad," you would say something like "When you act [insert behavior here] I feel [insert feeling here]. I want to help you." Because that would alert the other person that they have hurt or upset you and hopefully they would then want to see how they can change to help get your needs met in the relationship.
That's about all I have for now as Jerry really was on target.
Regards,
Christina
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