my partner is scizophrenic we have just had a baby but i am finding he is running away from responsi

Hello Siobhan,

It certainly isn't easy what you're going through; however, you don't need to go through it alone.  If at all you have someone who can mind the baby once a week, when the baby is able to have someone else look after him (her?), I suggest you do that and join a NAMI family support group for people whose loved ones (sons, daughers, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, etc.) have mental illnesses.  These groups meet once a week in cities and towns in America.  Call NAMI's hot line (800) 950-NAMI (6264) to find the group in your area.

The truth is, it is going to get worse before it gets better.  Is your husband in treatment?  Does he take his meds?  I'm sorry, I do not believe he is right to blame his illness for his withdrawal from his duties as a father.  You had the best hopes for this man and this union, so I suggest if you want to stay in it, you ask him to get treatment.  In a supportive yet FIRM way tell him what you will and will not accept.

The time to state what you expect and what you will do if those needs aren't met, is NOW.  You owe it to yourself and your baby.  Hundreds of thousands of people in America and also in the world together have been in your shoes.  You need to act quickly.  I wouldn't want you to feel you couldn't handle things on your own without a man.  Right now, you ARE handling things on your own without a man.

So if you want things to change, I suggest you join the NAMI family support group and if not, once a week, in lieu of the support group, see a therapist short-term to come to  a reconcilation about your long-term options.

I do wish it works out for the best, either way you choose.

I wish for you some comfort and joy.

Enjoy your new baby.

Regards,

Chri

Hello Siobhan,

It certainly isn't easy what you're going through; however, you don't need to go through it alone.  If at all you have someone who can mind the baby once a week, when the baby is able to have someone else look after him (her?), I suggest you do that and join a NAMI family support group for people whose loved ones (sons, daughers, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, etc.) have mental illnesses.  These groups meet once a week in cities and towns in America.  Call NAMI's hot line (800) 950-NAMI (6264) to find the group in your area.

The truth is, it is going to get worse before it gets better.  Is your husband in treatment?  Does he take his meds?  I'm sorry, I do not believe he is right to blame his illness for his withdrawal from his duties as a father.  You had the best hopes for this man and this union, so I suggest if you want to stay in it, you ask him to get treatment.  In a supportive yet FIRM way tell him what you will and will not accept.

The time to state what you expect and what you will do if those needs aren't met, is NOW.  You owe it to yourself and your baby.  Hundreds of thousands of people in America and also in the world together have been in your shoes.  You need to act quickly.  I wouldn't want you to feel you couldn't handle things on your own without a man.  Right now, you ARE handling things on your own without a man.

So if you want things to change, I suggest you join the NAMI family support group and if not, once a week, in lieu of the support group, see a therapist short-term to come to  a reconcilation about your long-term options.

I do wish it works out for the best, either way you choose.

I wish for you some comfort and joy.

Enjoy your new baby.

Regards,

Chri

Hello Siobhan,

One last thing.  I hope you do not feel I took your situation lightly.  All the therapy and support you get for yourself won't change your husband if he is unwilling to change.

If you have to get out, get out.  Low-income housing and other options are out there.  It's not the ideal, but you don't have to live with him just to get money for your baby.  It takes a village to raise a child, as the saying goes, and sometimes you have to find your own village.

Best regards,

Chri