Hello Christina,

It's been a long time since i have visited the site, but now have a rather urgent question and wanted your expert opinion. I am simply at a loss here.

i have a friend whom I've known for more than 30 years. She has 2 sons in their early twenties, whom i have also known all their lives. Her younger son has been diagnosed with sz and has been in and out of mental hospitals since age 17. She also had a (now deceased) mother with mental illness, and her half-brother has been in a mental hospital for a great many years.

Her older son, aged 23, graduated university last year. He has a degree in finance, tall handsome and charming. He was her comfort with all the grief she has had due to so many of her family being ill.

Well, last year after graduation she told me that he is behaving differently and in an unacceptable manner. Not wanting to work at all, behaving with no consideration to her and others. (Waking up in the late afternoons every day, and going to bars all night, till day light. When he is at home he spends about 12 hours playing a certain computer game, and does little else. Things have gotten to the point where both his mother and her ex-husband (his father) have "kicked him out" to get him moving.

Now as a friend at first i thought this is an exageration, that he needed time to relax after 4 years in university, and told her to be patient etc.

A few weeks ago he asked if he can come stay with us for a few days, and i gladly agreed. Well, he stayed for several weeks and practically took over our home. Waking up the children at night with the computer, and us early in the morning to open the door after been out all night. It was quite an invasion... He is no longer here, but what impressed me most of all was that he did not understand why his behaviour was inappropriate and unacceptable!

Last week my friend, his mother, came for a short visit and asked my opinion. Frankly, i am clue-less! Not wanting to hurt her or give mis-leading advice i just said it might be a phase. But in truth something tells me this isn't a simple matter at all. That this might very well be a mental condition. (As you know i have a 27 year old son with sz, but this doesn't look the same at all.) Her son speaks well and clearly, doesn't hear voices, isn't violent, and is quite polite and charming. (He has been stopped by police for reck-less driving etc. and usually is able to charm his way out of trouble.)

What do you make of this? He isn't functioning in an ordinary sense of the word, yet he doesn't seem mentally ill in the ordinary sense of the word either...

Sorry to write such a long question, but i am simply baffeled and would like to give an old friend some helpful advice.

(Please don't say to take him to see a professional, his mother has already tried. He thinks his behaviour is just fine!)