Wednesday, July 09, 2008 Rollin asks

Q: Is it possible to be better?

A man who I know have a paranoid, maybe it is heredity. He told me about this before.

He has been doing well until now. But recently he got to be stranged.

He always think of negative side in life. He thinks he can't live with anyone.

He doesn't trust anyone even his family.

He has a lot of stress when he have to do 'something'.. But I think the something is very normal.

We pormissed to get marry several months ago. We talked about marriage in detail recently.

It made he difficult. He think it is a 'duty' and 'His life will be destroied, His whole life will be changed, His money will be gone'

He wants to avoid the 'duty' that following of marriage. He has a lot of unknown fear.

He think he will be unhappy, the world is a hell.

He said it is his nature, even though he love me.

He even knows it is not normal, he get to be upset just normal thing.

He is in difficult, he can't understand his feeling and fear like that.

He say "I don't know what I do?"

So He decided to go a doctor. He has to wait the meeting day due to 'book'

But His anxiety and worry getting deeper. Even though He think his worry is not normal.

I don't know How I can understand him.

Is it possible he can be better and he can live a normal life?

How can I help him? I love him. Please let me know...

Answers (2)

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Christina Bruni

7/13/08 9:21pm

HI Rollin,

I second what Carolyn says.

You love this man. However, it's too soon to consider marraige.

Only down the road, and only if he gets treatment, stays on the medication, and I would also advise he should see a therapist once a week. If he doesn't have the money, he can get SSD or SSI from the government which will pay for an outpatient clinic.

Show him your love by offering to go with him to the psychiatrist. Give him support and encouragement.

As Carolyn said, if he doesn't work on his health, you will have to be his caretaker in the marriage. That is not healthy for you.

Please consider what you are about to do. If I were you, I wouldn't push him to marry you right now.

I wish you all the best.

Regards,

Chri

Donna-1

7/10/08 9:52pm

I advise you to proceed with caution. It sounds like the man you love is not stable enough right now to deal with marriage. He needs to stabilize his illness first, and the best way to do that is to see a psychiatrist regularly and take all medications she prescribes. Offer to go with him if he is too paranoid to go alone.

Bear in mind that even a marital relationship between two mentally and physically healthy persons can be stressful. A disability just compounds the stress. You don't want to get yourself into a position where you must be his caretaker because that is never a good basis for marriage. He has to be able to give to the relationship as well as take from it. And if he refuses treatment and is non-compliant with taking the medications, I would urge you to call off plans for marriage and just remain his friend. He obviously needs caring friends.

Carolyn

Q: Is it possible to be better?

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