It was in the early morning darkness, sitting on my bed. Eventually I was not sure but that it was a dream. Still I had scratched/dug deep bloody wounds in my forearm.
I feel so embarassed. I try to stay at home because if I am with people anywhere I am sure they can understand my thoughts though I do not speak.
Dear K,
It's natural to feel as you do about the scratching. We have all done weird things on occasion, even people who don't have SZ. I have also done embarrassing things because of the SZ, and I won't tell anyone about them.
So I respect your trust in us that you shared what you did.
My suggestion is that you find a therapist to talk to every week, joining a support group can be helpful, too. You can also write SharePosts here at the Connection, as well as "Ask"ing questions.
If you feel people can understand your thoughts even though you're silent, rest assured, I feel that way, too. I often worry what people think of me when I'm on the train or at a restaurant. I feel that if you had support from a therapist, or your good friends at a support group, you would in time feel comfortable going outside.
You could attempt going outside, and write a SharePost here to let us know how it went, and the community members here would support you.
You are not alone. You are brave and courageous every day that you wake up and live with the SZ.
Please understand it can get better with the right help.
Best regards,
Christina
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