Tuesday, July 08, 2008 endorope asks

Q: Lazy or not

Well, I certainly did not expect that response. I do sometimes wonder if the "feel sorry for me " card is being overplayed. I have been to nami support groups and seen people that are obviously afflicted. I guess in some cases I do not understand why the lack of cleanliness - food dishes left on the dining room table for days, trash overflowing, the car a collection pit for trash and beverage containers. From my limited exposure to mental illness, it seems that no progress is possible until the client decides to work for thier own betterment.

I cannot let him become homeless so I guess I'll just have to find the cheapest place possible to warehouse him. Most or his trouble getting and holding a job is because he informs the potential employer up front that he has issues and will have to be taking time off with little or no notice and of course, there is asking for days off before he is even hired.

Thanks for the responses. I guess sometimes it is easier to share information to strangers.

endorope

Answers (3)

Notify me when there are new answers

Christina Bruni

7/13/08 9:13pm

Hello endorope,

Yes, I hope you feel we helped you.

Even someone who is doing well has no right to ask for reasonable accommodations until after the job offer is made. I see why your son isn't getting any jobs.

I do not know if others responded to your first question after I left a comment.

I see the situation is even deeper than you let on the first time.

I wish you the courage and strength to do whatever you feel you have to do.

We're with you on this.

Regards,

Chri

David Betzer

7/17/08 2:04am

You have a very existential delimna here, one is reminded of sartre speaking of the boy who would go to war to find glory or stay with his mum to support her. I know that when I was steeped in psychosis, creating grand webs of interconnecting conspiracies which implicated everyone from the radio anouncer to my wife in a grand scheme to destroy my sanity--I kept my house so meticulous I could have been Martha Stewart. Maybe there is a trade off, some undiscovered law of entropy which demands that chaos be either internalized or externalized so that order may exist in its couterpart. And you certainly know better than anyone if your son is just a shlepper and a patzer--to use the yiddish.

Just remember, it is better to err on the side of nobility--because then, even if you are wrong you are honorable. There is an old jewish saying that if a man pretends to be poor and gains charity thereby, he will end up needing charity. Therefore we are required to be charitable to all men within our means, without skepticism, because even if you give to the undeserving, it is only poor timing.

Chris

7/24/08 3:54am

Hello, concerned frustrated father endorope,

I can relate to your feelings here and the 'catch 22' of the job/home/illness/ financial support dilemma, but my gut feelings would go with believing your son is sadly left coping with the 'negative' symptoms of schizophrenia,(is he on treatment?) rather than being 'lazy'... think the disordered home surroundings he allows around him, go along with this. (Possibly also positive features like internal voices etc, may be sapping his energy and keeping him 'busy' making him 'absent' from his surroundings? but feeling exhausted) It could feel like constant sleep deprivation!

These things are not visible to bystanders...(Who knows our internal world ,thoughts/dreads/nightmares?) Would that fit possibly?

You ,as concerned father, with your unimpaired mental function and brain pathways working well see it as ludicrously inappropriate to tell a potential employer about a serious illness and its likely consequences (time off etc)!! But to 'pretend' like this, surely in your son's state of health would be deluding himself , and set himself up for failure.

So I do feel your son is being honest here and showing important insight recognising and admitting with truth how he sees difficulties functioning reliably at the present time for gainful employment. A good sign.. but with considerable implications for the need for focussed treatment,support and directed targets to improve his function in small steps. And that's the challenge....shared here by our family in Uk.

Good luck and keep posting

Chris

Mother of untreated ('am not sick') son with schizophrenia, 28,

also unemployed and being financially supported at present.

Q: Lazy or not

Related Questions

Ask a Question