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You have a very existential delimna here, one is reminded of sartre speaking of the boy who would go to war to find glory or stay with his mum to support her.  I know that when I was steeped in psychosis, creating grand webs of interconnecting conspiracies which implicated everyone from the radio anouncer to my wife in a grand scheme to destroy my sanity--I kept my house so meticulous I could have been Martha Stewart.  Maybe there is a trade off, some undiscovered law of entropy which demands that chaos be  either internalized or externalized so that order may exist in its couterpart.  And you certainly know better than anyone if your son is just a shlepper and a patzer--to use the yiddish.   Just remember, it is better to err on the side of nobility--because then, even if you are wrong you are honorable.  There is an old jewish saying that if a man pretends to be poor and gains charity thereby, he will end up needing charity.   Therefore we are required to be charitable to all men within our means, without skepticism, because even if you give to the undeserving, it is only poor timing.