he loves me and wants to have a future then says he wants to be just friendswhat to do?

I feel I ought to comment on both sides of the issue.  First of all, I understand that you may be confused and uneasy about where your relationship is going.  What do YOU want?  Be honest with him, with an understanding that any relationship, perhaps especially one involving mental illness, will have good and bad times.  Maybe over the 2 years you have been with him you have developed a feeling about whether he is stable on his medications and whether you feel comfortable committing to a long term partnership.  The sex issue could be because of his medications, even if it has not been a problem in the past.  It sounds like you could use some couple's therapy.

I can say, too, however, that I understand where he may be coming from.  I have schizophrenia.  Even though I am stable on meds right now (and have been for 2 or more years) there is that worry in the back of my mind that I may come tumbling down in the future, and that all the king's horses and all the king's men may not be able to put me together again.  I was married for 13 years and neither of us was an ideal marriage partner.  It ended up in divorce, but we both contributed to the strain that caused the rift.  It may be because your partner DOES love you that he his hesitant to involve you further because of the possibility of future relapse.  Talk with him.  Again, be honest.  Talk about it all.  Your fears, his fears, and whether you should continue to be more than "just friends."  Find out what he is really thinking.

Best wishes to both of you,

Carolyn

Hello confused,

I was going to respond a certain way until I read Carolyn's response.

She said it all.

Schizophrenia is a medical condition, like diabetes, that requires life-long management with medication, the use of coping skills, and other techniques like volunteer work or a full-time job to feel productive during the day.  Sitting at home watching TV all day is not the way to go for someone with schizophrenia.  A person diagnosed with this illness can have a full, productive life.  I work full-time and have a Masters degree so I know it is possible to recover from schizophrenia.

Even with the possibility of recovery though it is also possible that a person could have recurring episodes.  As Carolyn said you would have to be honest about your feelings about your ability to meet the challenge of a lifetime partnership with someone who may indeed relapse here and there.

Like she said he may be protecting you because he knows what he goes through living with this medical condition.  As always, be honest with him and ask him to be honest with you.  I do not believe people in long-term relationships should lie about or deny how they feel or keep things private if those things are central to having a healthy relationship.

So the last thing I will say is for you to sit down with your boyfriend and talk with him in confidence about this.  Your ability to resolve this matter and work on it will open the door to future communications should you stay together.

p.s.- He should see a doctor if the medication is causing a low libido and he should tell his psychiatrist about this too.

Best wishes,

Christina