• concerned78 concerned78
    May 17, 2009
    My boyfriend has paranoid schizophrenia.
    concerned78 concerned78
    May 17, 2009

    He is 29 years old and for the past 7 months, our relationship has suffered dramatically. He only recently disclosed to me about the voice in his head, which he has now named. We talk about it sometimes and he thinks that he will go on meds, but, he has always hated any kind of meds at all. Our 2 year relationship is now down to every other day or so that we see each other. The reason for this is because he is always asking me the same questions about how he thinks i am going to hurt him (mentally). I have hurt him in the past and we have been trying to get past that, but it seems that every day is just getting worse for him. He has lost 30 lbs in the past year and does not like to eat. He has already lost one job and, because of his OCD, may lose his current one. I love him so much but I am also afraid of his "episodes", he has not physically hurt me, but mentally he has alot. The verbal abuse is more than I can handle but I don't want to give up on him. He has been seeing a dr for awhile now and seems to be understanding of his issues, however, with me, things don't seem to be getting better. When he has good days, things are wonderful and I am reminiscent of the past.  But the bad days are really bad. He looks at me with such hate and disdain and tells me that the voice is telling him that I am lying and am going to hurt him. Then he will get really angry and say hurtful things and then storm out. Is there anything else I can do for him, and for myself? I haven't told anyone about this because I am afraid everyone will just tell me to run the other way, and I don't want to do that, because I love more than anything but I don't want to see him suffer or experience the bad days anymore. Thanks for your advice.

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FROM OUR EXPERTS

  • Christina Bruni
    Health Guide
    May 17, 2009
    Christina Bruni
    Health Guide
    May 17, 2009

    Hello concerned78,

     

    First of all, your boyfriend needs to get treated with medication right away. If he's seeing a doctor who knows about his voices, I would consider the psychiatrist to border on committing malpractice for not having prescribed SZ medication already.

     

    It is possible that he is treating you the way he does because of the symptoms and what goes on in his head, however, to simply look the other way when he abuses you is to give him permission to continue to abuse you for as long as you stay in the relationship with him.  Make no mistake about it, if you do nothing, you have given him the idea that you accept his verbal abuse.  Of course you don't want to be abused, so you need to tell him the terms under which you are willing to stay in the relationship: either he gets real help or there will be consequences.  Those are the two choices I see right now that would help him and help you.  I really don't see any benefit in things remaining status quo.

     

    I must tell you that the longer your boyfriend goes without medication, if he truly has SZ or a related illness, the worse the outcome will be and he may never recover.

     

    So now is the time to take action.

     

    Offer to go with him to the psychiatrist and wait in the waiting area when he's prescribed the meds.  Offer to go to couples counseling if both of you can afford that.

     

    Respectfully,

    Christina


FROM OUR COMMUNITY

  • teresa July 19, 2009
    teresa
    July 19, 2009

    my boyfriend has  schizophenia, too. i know what u are going through, just stick with him and help him. he calls me names and says very hurtful things to me. i wonder why i even stay but i love him and i want to help him through the bad times.

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  • ninna22 February 25, 2010
    ninna22
    February 25, 2010

    my boyfriend has paranoid schizophrenia and i also kno how it feels he calls me terrable names but it has got fisical he refuses to get help thinks hes fine and theres no hope for meds i really need to get him some help but i dont kno were to start but im hanging in there becouse i beleave he will make it threw the good days are worth going threw the bad days !!!

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  • ninna22 February 25, 2010
    ninna22
    February 25, 2010

    my boyfriend has paranoid schizophrenia and i also kno how it feels he calls me terrable names but it has got fisical he refuses to get help thinks hes fine and theres no hope for meds i really need to get him some help but i dont kno were to start but im hanging in there becouse i beleave he will make it threw the good days are worth going threw the bad days !!!

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  • Sandra101 April 15, 2011
    Sandra101
    April 15, 2011

    Hi there - I was with a partner with Paranoid Schizophrenia for a long time. There would be times when it was great and times when he was very low and no one could reach him / help him. Times when everyone was against him and constatnly looking around him. After being devoted for many years and hindering my own happiness ie. not doing all the things I should have been doing in my life instead of being an emotional crutch for year - he starts to feel better and end the relationship with me. He told me he would die if he continued with me and that was it - over! I am completely mortified and don't know how to build my life back up! O hope you have a great relationship and this person is very lucky to have you - but don't forget yourself- Best of luck

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    • lrcintexas
      October 01, 2011
      lrcintexas
      October 01, 2011

      The last time we were together, he "went off" again and thought I was spreading some crazy rumor.  This is so hard to deal with, especially if you love the person.  I have been called very bad names and have been accused of some crazy stuff!  He swears that he has seen "me" on this porn site, he says thats what broke us up after 6 years.  He also tells me that "if I just tell him the truth, he can deal with it".  Theres nothing to tell him unless I make something up, I refuse to do that.  I wish there was a way I could prove to him, but my hands are tied unless he realizes that he needs help and actually gets it.  Im having a hard time dealing with this and at the same time, I want to be with him because I miss "us".  This just started a couple of months ago, we were a perfect couple before this.  I cant help but think of the person he used to be, I miss that person and want so desperately to have him back.

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    • lonelyfrustrated
      June 25, 2012
      lonelyfrustrated
      June 25, 2012

      how are you coping these days? I too love a man that I assume at this point has some sort of schizophrenia... problem is that he has been involuntarily committed about a week ago, and was ripped from my life with no words spoken. I am paralyzed with fear of the unknown, put up with so many of the exact things that you mentioned... just wondering what you are doing to live... I feel that I need some sort of support group as no one - not family or friends, feel that I should pursue the relationship, when he is released (whenever that may be) ---I keep going over and over in my head what he must be feeling, has he forgotten me completely? is he out of his mind lonely like me?   I can't even reach him to talk, and have no idea when I will be able to. any ideas? I am not the type that can just walk away, that is so wrong, especially when I think of our good times. I could use some advice... thanks for listening.

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