It will only get worse if this continues and then you will have reached the point of no return. Your husband needs immediate treatment. It is possible he can turn violent if he is not taking medication to control his delusions.
Your concern is your children right now and their safety. Think of them because if it gets any worse they won't have a father. Already you mentioned your husband's self-care and attention to household duties has slipped. This is a clear indication that he is in great trouble as a provider for his family. Especially with the confession you made that he frequently changes jobs.
You could wait to see if he suddenly turns around and is amenable to seeking treatment. However you know that at this point in time he is not. You have only today and you have been given clear signs by your husband that he cannot function well enough to be responsible to take care of his family duties right now.
He is jeopardizing your work situation too by calling you at every hour and harrassing you on the phone when you need to be at work.
You might not want to take a time out from your involvement however you have to protect your kids and establish your own sanity and maintain boundaries even though he is your husband.
It will not get better unless he gets treatment right away. You can set the terms here. Tell him you'll go with him to talk to someone. The presence of a mental illness in your husband is no excuse for him to continue with his behavior.
You need to protect yourself and your kids first of all.
For more support and suggestions you could contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) national hotline to get the name and number of the local chapter in your city or town that has family support meetings.
(800) 950-NAMI (6264) is the number.
Should your husband not be willing to go with you to seek treatment you have other choices.
I will stand by you whatever choice you decide to make.
Simply said, your husband needs to seek professional help/treatment. You would not want to believe your husband would in any way hurt you or your children, but his symptoms and accusations are already hurting you, aren't they? I know that sometimes when the paranoia and accusations start, and he no longer trusts you, the situation begins to deteriorate. Tell him that for your own peace of mind, you would like to see a doctor with him. If he won't see a psychiatrist, then go to your family doctor. Tell the doctor the changes that YOU have noticed with emphasis on the paranoia and false accusations. Make it abundantly clear that you love and care about your husband and you want only the best for him, and the best for you and your children. Most likely, medication will be prescribed. Ask the doctor (for your husband's sake) to explain to your husband what the medication is and what it is for and why it is necessary. I think you should be as above-board and honest as you can around your husband because he is already paranoid and might think you and the doctor are conspiring against him, which you don't want.
And if he ever threatens you in any way, know that you have the right if not the obligation to protect yourself and the kids by caling 9-1-1 and telling the operator that your husband has threatened you and that he needs psychiatric evaluation. The police and emergency techs are trained to handle these situations, and they do it every day. I was picked up by the police twice when it was thought I might be of danger to myself or others. I was not arrested, just taken to a local hospital for evaluation and admitted when necessary. And it was the best thing that could have happened under the circumstances.
One of those options/choices might be forced hospitalization where he is involuntarily committed to a psych ward for treatment.
The other option you might not want to consider. Like I said I will stand by you either way.
The reality is: this could be the rest of your life with your husband if he keeps refusing treatment. This could become a permanent state of affairs unless he gets treatment and stays in treatment.
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