Friday, October 09, 2009 Donna-1 asks

Q: family relationships -- should I keep trying?

I have some family relationships that are finally falling into place. But my lifelong friendship with my younger sister seems to be suffering. We never seem to agree on things or have fun anymore. She thinks it is my fault and I think it is her fault, so we aren't seeing much of each other right now even though we live only a few miles apart. Should I just let it rest for a while and stop trying to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, or should I keep trying to repair our relationship? I really care about her.

Carolyn

Answers (3)

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Christina Bruni

10/10/09 1:59pm

Hi Carolyn,

Xavier Amador also wrote another book, I"m Right, You're Wrong, Now What if I recall the title correctly. You may want to check it out of the library. It has nothing to do with anosognosia, the topic of his other book, yet uses the same techniques to break the impasse two people have.

My contention is that two people aren't always going to agree so there's no "fault" involved in having different opinions. You may think she's responsible for the change of heart and she may think you're responsible for the fading relationship.

You might want to think back on what topics are off-limits, such as differences in politics or in where you are in you recovery, or other topics that cause contention when you're together. Then you could refrain from bringing these things up.

She is your sister. Unless direct physical or emotional abuse or verbal or psychological abuse is involved, I would try, at your comfort level, to repair things in your own time. If things can't be repaired, you can decide whether you want to see her less often or in a casual way or talk mostly on the phone.

Regards,

Christina

David Robbins

10/10/09 3:14am

Carolyn,

I "cast" out my brother, because of the abuse I sustained from him. It was a "healing" for me.

I am not gonna tell you what you need to do. I will however, say to search your heart and your true feelings for the right answer.

Peace,

Dave

abcd

10/12/09 9:09pm

You have a sister, a family? How very fortunate you are...

Perhaps you don't realise it, but you have more that many people have and i do envy you...

Even if your long friendship with your sister has cooled, and you're both angry with each other... don't give up totaly. You will surely regret it somewhere along the way. Be diplomatic, as you would with ordinary people. Be polite and pleasant, avoid sensitive topics, pay compliments and little attentions. (Such as birthday wishes etc.) You will never regret it. Most of all, watch your speech. A word out of place, or something said that might hurt or be considered humiliating can not only destroy a relationship, but the person herself...

My mother (now almost 85) had three sisters. Over some past wrong, real or imagined, they haven't spoken to each other for over 60 years... My mother's youngest sister passed away in a nursing home approximately 3 years ago, and believe me, when my mother found out, she was completely distraught. Not only over her sister's death, but that they never forgave one another, that they never mended things, and now it's to late.

Be wise before the fact, so that you don't cry when it will no longer be possible to mend...

Donna-1

10/12/09 10:28pm

Thank you for your wise advice. I think what I need to do is stop emailing her -- that is where we get tangled up over words. I need to just call her once in a while to say hello and leave it at that for now.

Carolyn

Q: family relationships -- should I keep trying?

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