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Sunday, July 19, 2009 teresa, Community Member, asks

Q: why does he call me names

my boyfriend has schizophrenia, sometimes he calls me names and and tell me he done with me, is this from the illness

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Answers (2)
Christina Bruni, Health Guide
7/20/09 10:26pm

Hello teresa,

 

A person with SZ is a person first with his own quirks and traits and personality.  It is possible that's the way your boyfriend is.  On the other hand, people with schizophrenia can sometimes say and do things that hurt their loved ones and it's hard to know if it's because of the illness.  I would hesitate to excuse behavior based on the possibility that it's caused by the SZ, when that behavior is abusive, threatening, or disrespectful.  Some illness-related quirks you can handle and shrug off [like current poor grooming that may get better with time as the person begins to tend to his appearance].  Others you do not have to compromise on.

 

When it comes to being disrespected by someone with SZ, or by anyone who doesn't have SZ for that matter, you deserve better and have the right to state to that person what you expect in terms of acceptable behavior from them.

 

Regards,

Christina

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teresa, Community Member
7/22/09 11:43pm

thanks for ur comment, im just at my wits end. i love tom so much, it hurts when he calls me names, hes abusive at times, i know i should just walk away before i really get hurt or end up dead. somestimes i dont think its SZ i think he might be bipolar. can u have both.  please tell me how to get over him, we been together for 5 years/ AM I THE CRAZY ONE. i cant eat, sleep or do anything, i drive by his house all the time to make sure no other girl is there. CRAZY huh.

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Christina Bruni, Health Guide
7/23/09 2:49pm

Hello,

 

What you have suggested you do [drive by his house to make sure no other girl is there] is unhealthy and possessive and insecure.  You wrote just now that he's abusive at times.  I will not tell you whether he can have both SZ and BP, because a person can have both illnesses.

 

What I will tell you is that you need to get out if at all he is abusive.  I really can't say much more than that.  I won't feed into any desire you may have to stay in a relationship where you've said abuse is taking place.  If you are looking for me to tell you what to do, I can't give you advice.  I can only give you a suggestion: start dating other guys.  Or take a break from dating guys until you've recovered from this abuse and are clear on the behavior you will not accept from a future a boyfriend going forward.

 

Five years is a long enough time to have put up with this behavior.  In the beginning, maybe it was easier to ignore any warning signs.  Now it's different.  He's laid his cards on the table for you to see.  If it were me, I would get out.

 

Regards,

Christina

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Daleri, Community Member
7/22/09 10:13pm
Sometimes there are two sides to a story. People don't usually just come out with names or threats without a reason but if it is totally without a reason, it could be from sz. In a relationship there is sometimes an escalation of retaliatory actions as the saying goes, "all is fair in love and war". That is not to justify any actions taken but when one person steps beyond the bounds, the other often retaliates. In that case a name might not be so bad when it could be something worse but threatening to leave is a little extreme for a relationship. Name calling happens when a person feels helpless to do anything. Not to diminish the severity of the situation but perhaps you could be glad the person is not doing more. Reply
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By teresa, Community Member— Last Modified: 10/23/10, First Published: 07/19/09