This is not a question - just a tragedy. I posted a question back in October 2008. I knew that my son was suffering from Schizophrenia at this point but I lived in a different state from him. I received answers from this site but no one really read what I wrote. You see I tried to be my son's friend, I never told him I thought he was schizophrenic - I told him I thought he was depressed. A few years ago he had gone for treatment for depression, and I had done so myself, so I did not think it was so horrible to say that to him. I took the NAMI course. I've followed the advice of waiting for him to trust me again. He would not talk to me on the phone since I had visited him which was in September. I would text or leave messages several times a week just to say I love you, or tell him something that I was doing. His father and step-mother knew he was ill but did not confront him but they knew of the hallucinations and delusions he was having. In the state that my son lived in it would take 2 people to say that they heard this to have him committed. I didn't have the 2nd person. I wish I would have lied and said he was suicidal. His dad and I did ask him in September if he thought about that and he said he would never do it - it was too easy a way out. Yet now I find out he told a friend - the only friend he had - that he wanted to commit suicide several times. The day before he killed himself he told her but she told no one thinking he was just saying it again. I know that my son is at peace now, I know all the things I am supposed to be doing but I don't know how to go on myself. I feel I failed my child. If there is anything I learned it is that if you feel something in your heart that you need to do - just do it. I wish I would have just gone back to see him and hugged him and stayed with him until I could get him help. There is not a perfect way to handle someone with schizophrenia that is in denial - no one has that answer.
Dear Cheri,
I am sorry about your son.
I'm sure no words could express this adequately.
You are grieving and you feel you could've reached out to him more.
It is a loss no mother should ever have to bear.
I would try to let know you that you couldn't have predicted what would happen, no one could. As hard as it is to go on, you will go on.
The rules for committing a person to a psych hospital are in much need of changing when the actually "rule" is that it's hard to commit person who could need help.
This gives me the idea that working to change those rules is a priority for mental health advocacy.
I am sorry about your son and offer you my prayers.
Respectfully,
Christina
{{{{{{Cheri}}}}}}
My heart breaks for you. I can't begin to imagine how it feels to lose a child to suicide. When someone close to me took her own life, it gave me such a horrible helpless feeling.
My mother has schizophrenia, and I've gotten her admitted to hospitals several times because she told me she wanted to take her life. Once she's there, she always convinces the doctors that I misunderstood her and that she's fine. I often feel somewhat like your son's friend and wonder if she's "just saying it again."
I guess what I'm trying to say to you is that you did all you could possibly have done. As you said, there is "not a perfect way to handle someone with scizophrenia who is in denial." You have to know that he did know you loved and cared about him.
Your son is, as you said, at peace now. He's well now. I'd bet HE doesn't think you failed him. Cheri, you didn't fail your child. You did all anyone could have done. When someone is as ill as he was and really wants to take their own life, there's really nothing anyone can do to stop them. That's what my mother's doctors have told me.
Please, Cheri, realize that your son doesn't blame you or feel you failed him. Yes, that sounds corny, but I firmly believe it.
If you need some counseling or therapy to work your way through this, I hope you'll do it. Your life has value, and you should live it to it's fullest.
I wish you well working through this.
Teri
Hi Cheri
I am sitting here trying to think of any words to say. No words can take away the tremendous pain you must feel right now. To lose a child is a pain like no other.
Listen to me though...you are a good mother. You loved your son. You tried to do everything possible. I know you are probably going back in time trying desperately to find what could have gone better. But you didn't know. This was not your fault. You are not to blame. Please let go of that if you can.
You are going to need help with this. Please do seek out a therapist to help guide you. This is not going to be easy. Your words have moved me to tears. My mother has schizophrenia...and my youngest has autism. I worry about them constantly. But the thing is...nobody has a crystal ball. And as much as we want to be always there to protect our loved ones...we just can't all of the time.
I am so very sorry this has happened. I know my words offer little solace but know that you are in my thoughts today. I am very sorry for your loss.
Hi Cheri
My condolences to you. I know how sad and difficult it is to loose a child and no amount of consoling can take away the hollow deep feeling of loss. I hope God gives you the strength to pass through this difficult time. Just remember that he has rested from the torment of all the harsh things schizophrenic people suffer from in silence. Because of the intensity of the illness, they never know how to talk about it and we cant relate to their suffering.
My mom is 80 and has lived with schizophrenia for 40 years. I never understood what she was going through until last month when her doctor let me in during consultation to a advice me on how to administer her medication. When she started explaining what she was going through, I had a major reality check. Despite taking her medication daily, she still heard voices, hallucinations and all sorts of scary things. She could not tell anyone about these scary stuff not even me.
So Cheri dont blame yourself for not doing this or that. I know its natural to do so but you could never have known what he was dealing with on a daily basis and maybe he just thought it best to beat the voices and scary stuff by taking his life. Its sad but he is at peace now. Just remember the good times you had with him.
God bless.
I'm trully sorry for your tradegy. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers, as I worry about my own 16 and half year old son. He's been diagnosed with a major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. He's very bright, with an I.Q. of 137. He was an athletic child that loved the Lord a few years ago. But currently, smokes cigarettes and claims smoking pot takes away the hallucinations and voices. He no longer believes in God. He doesn't want to take Zyprexa or any other medication because he's afraid it will put on weight. He is also anorexic and was hospitalized twice. He wants medical marajuana, but I feel that he is just being manipulative.
Thank you for your comment. I will pray for your son. I miss my son too. We went to a psychiatrist appt. today and he is willing to try some medication other than marajauna. He's so smart and talented. I wish there was a treatment for schizophrenia. When did you first learn your son had it and/or when were his 1st symptoms?
Thinking of you and feel for you.
Thank you for your comment. I will pray for your son. I miss my son too. We went to a psychiatrist appt. today and he is willing to try some medication other than marajauna. He's so smart and talented. I wish there was a treatment for schizophrenia. When did you first learn your son had it and/or when were his 1st symptoms?
Thinking of you and feel for you.
Hi, well that's an improvement that he has agreed to take some medication, I hope he does. My son has been unwell for about 4 yrs now. There were signs that he wasn't thinking straight as he used to come out with weird comments but like your son he was smoking cannabis and we thought it was due to the effects of the drugs. Then he took a full blown psychotic episode, having really strange thoughts, saying some horrible stuff and also became violent. It was then that we got psychological services involved. They were unwilling at first to give any diagnosis due to the drug and alcohol abuse and maybe also because he was only 17yr old. They told us it was teenage behaviour and he ws trying to find his way in the world and we were over reacting. So we went with their decision but he got worse, his drinking and drug taking increased, he became very withdrawn and scared of everything, he was so paranoid. Went back to psychiatric services but this time we saw a different psychiatrist and he has a great C.P.N. but he still continues to drink and take drugs, the whole thing is such a worry. I am thinking about you, keep your chin up
Hi. My 26 year old son has schizophrenia and is also on a downward spiral. He self medicates through drinking so much so that he has fallen on his face several times and broken his nose. Breaking my heart is not even close to describe how I'm feeling. He was diagnosed during his last few years at UCLA. He was always a scholar, a spiritual person, a friend to many, and the perfect son. I miss him so, so, so much. I'm at my wits end. I think he may try to kill himself or accidently kill himself. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to talk to him when he calls over 10 times a day telling me he is scared, lonely, and without hope? I pray someone can help me. Please . . .
Hello annette,
[And everyone else, hello, too.]
Someone I loved more than life itself abused cocaine for many, many years. He didn't have a mental illness, so wasn't self-medicating.
However, I feel for everyone of you and understand that the word heartache is an understatement possibly.
Your son feels there is no hope. This could be something he feels when he crashes from the drug. The main thing is that he should take his medication even if he's still doing the alcohol or drugs.
Perhaps you could suggest that he would feel better if he spoke to a therapist [this would be a professional who treats MICA clients - mental illness chemical abuse patients.] He might also benefit from a support group or 12-Step type meeting.
The technique of "motivational interviewing" is often used with clients who have a history of substance abuse. You gently probe to see what their goals in life are and suggest that refraining from drugs or alcohol will enable them to achieve those goals.
To this day [15 years later] my friend still struggles with the lingering effects of his prior drug use. It is not unheard of that a person relapses a couple times before committing to staying clean or sober. We would all like our loved ones to quit and never go back the first time they try to quit, of course.
You may want to reinforce that he is not alone in what he feels and that he can get help. Reassure him that the pain he feels can be alleviated if he talks to someone and considers getting help. I stumbled on a great web resource, www.suicide.org where the founder talks about how a person who is in great emotional pain might not consider suicide if they were able to see a way out of that pain.
Elsewhere I recommended respite care so parents can get out of the house and not be burnt out by being caregivers 24/7. Respite care is where someone with a diagnosis meets with your son or daughter so that you can get out of the house, say to go to a movie or to yoga. Also, some communities have ComPeer type services where another person mentors someone with a mental illness. My City's ComPeer services were advertised in a leaflet included in one of my utility bill mailings.
To explore these or other options, I always recommend NAMI-the National Alliance on Mental Illness-in the United States. Call their local hotline at (800) 950-NAMI (6264) to find the name and number of the local affiliate in your city or town that will know about respite care, support groups or possible mentoring situations.
Double Trouble in Recovery is the name of substance abuse support groups throughout the United States for people with a co-occurring mental illness. You may want to find out about them as well.
Again, I understand your pain because it is what I went through when someone I loved abused street drugs. The path to recovery may be extra hard for such a person, and I'm not going to say it will ever get easier, yet I would encourage and give positive reinforcement for any strides they make, however small.
Regards,
Christina
Hi Annette, I know what you mean about missing your son even though he is still in your life. The illness changes them so much. What I do with my son is talk about positive things and try to get him to remember what good things he has in his life and encourage him to turn his negative thoughts into positive ones. I am not saying it's easy, it's very difficult as he continues to be negative, but it helps me to keep going and hang in there. I try hard not to take on board his fears, I think if I was too do that I would be no use to him at all. Have you ever heard of the Charlie Reid Centre, Elmbank street in Glasgow? They offer support to you in the form of individual counselling and also group sessions with other parents and carers. They will also offer support to your son and have activities like art therapy, creative writing therapy, discussion groups and recreational activities like outings, pool, etc
My son has been sick for 14 years. He finally takes his meds and does better. But The fact is I had to keep him with me . This was the only way I could be sure he was ok. They need alot of understanding and love. They can't do it alone. As far as the down falls, they do relaps into their self medicating stages off and on. One of the worse reasons was him hanging with people who didn't care and would give the drugs to him. For starters, if he has his hands on money. He will continue the behavior.
I loved your comments and really feel for you. No one really has the answers. We have to figure those out and it takes a long long time. Our 32 year old daughter, has left us with her two babies for 14 years, and yes they are doing very, and we love them very much, she has also left her youngest daughter with her father for three years and her newest arrival is about to be adopted from social services.I am now 60 next birthday and our son commited suicide in March. We are broken.
I loved your comments and really feel for you. No one really has the answers. We have to figure those out and it takes a long long time. Our 32 year old daughter, has left us with her two babies for 14 years, and yes they are doing very, and we love them very much, she has also left her youngest daughter with her father for three years and her newest arrival is about to be adopted from social services.I am now 60 next birthday and our son commited suicide in March. We are broken.
Just picked up on this thread - how is your son these days? My son is 42 and has had schizophrenia for 9 years - I don't know him any more and I cry every day I leave him when visiting. This illness destroys so many lives doesn't it? Really hope your son is doing better now.
Regards
Hazel
hello
you can try giving your son 1500milligrams of niacinamide and 1500 milligrams of vitamin c daily. also stay away from caffiene and refined sugar. i use this for my schizophrenia and it helps a lot. but the person has to stay on the program all the time.
sincerely
john
Never assume that anyone is being manipulative, obviously I do not know your son. my partner has schizophrenia and manic depression and has very seriously been looking at medical marujuana. This type of marujuana contains a very high dosage of something called cannaboids, this is a naturally occuring chemical in the brain and reasearch on it is conclusive it does help many different types of mental llness, never underestimate the lonliness and confusion of somebody who is ill... and do your research before formind judgements, because I bet your son has.
My son committed suicide November 16, 2009. He was schizophrenic. I did call the police for help. But nothing was done. They belived him. I finally had him commited for the voices he was hearing. He believed he was God and could read peoples minds. I was so releaved that he was in the hospital, The most they said I could do was 72 hours. I thought at least he would get started on the medication. But the hospital called and said he was ready for release after less than 24 hours. I was really upset. I know he was not taking his medicine. I had to work I could not watch him around the clock. I checked on him all the time. He gained all of his weight back and seemed like things were looking good. He started seeing his kids and never looked better. He also would not call very often. The past two weeks of his life he stopped calling. He had everyone believing he was doing great. Then I was picked up from work to be told my son took his life. No note, no nothing. I just seen him the day before and I did not know. I am sorry for your loss. I now how you feel, but I was with my son alot and tried my best but could not save him.
I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story with me. You tried your hardest. I guess that no matter what we do not everything is in our control. I hope that you have support from friends and family. It is a hard journey now too. I wish I could hug you.
Unfortunatly this happens. I beleive they get tired of dealing with it. And then again how do we know it wasn''t a voice in their head that told him to?
Oh my God Cheri, your letter has broken my heart. I am so sorry for you and for you son. My son is 24 and was diagnosed Schizoprenic too. He was trying to commit sucied by starving himself. He has a couple of small bite size pieces of bread for over a month. And thankfuly I was able to finally have him Baker acted yesterday.
It is so hard to get help for family members with mental illness. If you know someone who has a heart problem you can get help for him right away, same if it's a many of the health issues we face today. But try to get your son commited before he hurts himself is almost impossible.
I hope someone reads these leters and tries to help the next mom who wants to try to save her son...
I am so so sorry.
God bless.
Yvonne
there are better treatments for schizophrenia than just medicine. i use 1500 milligrams of niacinamide and 1500 milligrams of vitamin c (can get at health food store) for my schizophrenia. also, i stay away from alchohol, caffeine, and sugar and refined sugars. my condition is much better since i have been on this program (a person must stay on this program permanently). the book i found this program in is called-niacin:the real story by hoffer,saul, and foster.
this book has helped me a lot.
Cheri, my son also committed suicide last week. I'd posted a question here before but I said I was asking about a daughter, not son, as I was concerned about privacy.
Let me share with you and I hope it will help, help us both. My son, 30, had lived with his father for the last 3 years. He lives in the same small town that his stepfather and I live. He saw his Dad daily, he saw me a couple times a week and I talked w/him at least 1x day. I frequently went to his home and took him out riding around, to the drive-in for limeades and hamburgers. Occassionally he would come here to see us but he wasn't able to stay long, he never felt safe, believing the government was targeting him and trying to get him to harm people. He battled with the demons in his mind, going from being "The Devils Slave" to God.
We did everything we could think of to get him on medication, including involuntary hospitalization, Med drops from the Community Mental Health Center (he cheeked most of them) a court order for treatment after he had attacked my husband and threatened to kill us, I took meds by for several weeks and tried to make sure he took them, but couldn't continue due to the agitation and aggressiveness he was experiencing, then we got the med drops started from the Mental Health Center. I'm a social worker, mental health therapist, I knew the hoops to jump threw to get him help and I tried everything I could think off - for years. He had fought these problems for 8 years.
Many many times we contacted the police, we sent information to the Mental Health Center over and over, to the County Attorney - we continued to hear "we can't do anything until he does something"
My son had a Meth problem several years ago, I think he had been off Meth for the last 4 years (he was in rehab several times) but a Dr. here prescribed him Adderall,(pretty much the same effect as meth) a narcotic pain pill and Klonipin. So he was still using, only they were legal drugs. No anti-psychotics though, the Dr. didn't think he should be on them, thought he was "doing ok." How can a Dr. do that, I don't know.
My son shot himself Wed, am yes, he'd told some friends goodbye, he also sent me an e-mail but didn't mention what he planned. His friends tried to get him to go with them to the Mental Health Center but he refused and I didn't know he told them goodbye until after he'd killed himself. I'd seen him the day before, I'd talked w/him on his cell several times the day before and the day he killed himself, also sent him an e-mail. I didn't pick up on anything that would make me think he was planning to kill himself, I wish I had. I knew he was lonely, of course he was, he'd lost his dreams, his hopes, most of his friends.
Sometimes, it seems no matter how much we try to take care of our children, we can't save them. Our priest, during the funeral mass, talked about R as being an island, surrounded by Salt water, we could see him but couldn't reach him, he could see us, the moon, the stars, the peacefulness in the world but couldn't get off the island as the salt water wasn't nourishement. He found his own way to peace.
I miss my son, my heart is broken, I know you miss your son and that your heart too is broken. We were with him or talking w/him daily, we couldn't save him. My consolation, my belief is that R took the only step he knew to find peace, as your son did also. Cheri, you are in my prayers as you and I go through this heartbreak together.
Cheri, my son also committed suicide last week. I'd posted a question here before but I said I was asking about a daughter, not son, as I was concerned about privacy.
Let me share with you and I hope it will help, help us both. My son, 30, had lived with his father for the last 3 years. He lives in the same small town that his stepfather and I live. He saw his Dad daily, he saw me a couple times a week and I talked w/him at least 1x day. I frequently went to his home and took him out riding around, to the drive-in for limeades and hamburgers. Occassionally he would come here to see us but he wasn't able to stay long, he never felt safe, believing the government was targeting him and trying to get him to harm people. He battled with the demons in his mind, going from being "The Devils Slave" to God.
We did everything we could think of to get him on medication, including involuntary hospitalization, Med drops from the Community Mental Health Center (he cheeked most of them) a court order for treatment after he had attacked my husband and threatened to kill us, I took meds by for several weeks and tried to make sure he took them, but couldn't continue due to the agitation and aggressiveness he was experiencing, then we got the med drops started from the Mental Health Center. I'm a social worker, mental health therapist, I knew the hoops to jump threw to get him help and I tried everything I could think off - for years. He had fought these problems for 8 years.
Many many times we contacted the police, we sent information to the Mental Health Center over and over, to the County Attorney - we continued to hear "we can't do anything until he does something"
My son had a Meth problem several years ago, I think he had been off Meth for the last 4 years (he was in rehab several times) but a Dr. here prescribed him Adderall,(pretty much the same effect as meth) a narcotic pain pill and Klonipin. So he was still using, only they were legal drugs. No anti-psychotics though, the Dr. didn't think he should be on them, thought he was "doing ok." How can a Dr. do that, I don't know.
My son shot himself Wed, am yes, he'd told some friends goodbye, he also sent me an e-mail but didn't mention what he planned. His friends tried to get him to go with them to the Mental Health Center but he refused and I didn't know he told them goodbye until after he'd killed himself. I'd seen him the day before, I'd talked w/him on his cell several times the day before and the day he killed himself, also sent him an e-mail. I didn't pick up on anything that would make me think he was planning to kill himself, I wish I had. I knew he was lonely, of course he was, he'd lost his dreams, his hopes, most of his friends.
Sometimes, it seems no matter how much we try to take care of our children, we can't save them. Our priest, during the funeral mass, talked about R as being an island, surrounded by Salt water, we could see him but couldn't reach him, he could see us, the moon, the stars, the peacefulness in the world but couldn't get off the island as the salt water wasn't nourishement. He found his own way to peace.
I miss my son, my heart is broken, I know you miss your son and that your heart too is broken. We were with him or talking w/him daily, we couldn't save him. My consolation, my belief is that R took the only step he knew to find peace, as your son did also. Cheri, you are in my prayers as you and I go through this heartbreak together.
You are in my prayers as well.
The mental health system in this country stinks.
Pete Early wrote the book Crazy documenting what happened to his son.
It just isn't right.
You are in my prayers now.
Regards,
Christina
Dragonfly,
I am so sorry to hear about your son. It is just so unbearably sad. The broken heart is always broken but you do go on in some way. You did so much to try and save your son. Maybe they found their way to peace and at times I try to look at it that way. It has been over a year for me now, I've had counseling, but I still feel I let my son down. I feel like I should have never left him alone once I knew something was wrong. Maybe nothing would have changed - look at your story - but my mind runs it over and over.
I hope that you have family and friends to talk to. That has been hard in this process as well, missing my son and people acting as if I did not have a son.
On the one year anniversary I hung prayer flags outside of the house. When I see the flags I think of him but then I am always thinking of him. I don't know how to keep in contact on here but if you want to email please do.
I don't know what to say but I feel your pain and I am so sorry. C
I am sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through.
My prayers are with you.
David
My son hung himself this past sunday,4-2-10..evening,,I found him monday morning.Never in my wildess thoughts would I imagine seeing this....He too had mental health problems...He worked for me installing a/c units..I spoke with him daily..He had just bought his own house and was in the process of remodeling...I know I have to deal with this but I just don't know how......
my son too hung himself on 06/03/2010 I too was the one who found him. Although he had been suffering with severe depression for 7 months I never thought he would kill himself. He actually seemed to be getting a little better. He was one kid you never ever thought something like this would happen to. Good Looking, popular had everthing going for him and one day just woke up and bam depressed no matter what I tried he refused all help and i tried everthing. It still kills me everday wondering what happened and why did this happen to him. and why didnt he want to get better. I guess Ill never know till I oneday meat him again the only thing that helps me get by is knowing he is out of his pain but i still miss him terribly everyday. but I still have 2 daughters who need me and need to be there for them because they are suffering as well with the loss of their big brother.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.I to have been battleing myself as to why.But there is no reasonable answers.I feel that pain and empty feeling you have every day..It does get easier..but that emptiness will never go away..I am sure you had done everything a loveing parent could have at the time..Take comfort in the loved ones around you..As they will with you..I wish there is more I could say to comfort that pain,But I now know there is none..Take care of yourself and those around you..............................................
Hi my name is Sherry. My son was 25 and committed suicide almost 3 months ago. I read your letter. No matter what you feel we always will question could i should i why didn't I see it. I lived right next to my son in our apartment complex. He was the maintenance supervisor and I the manager and I never even knew he was that depressed. He was so happy with his new life of 2 years with his girlfriend and her two childern which he felt they were his own. He was telling me the night before he couldnt wait to take them to the amusement park that coming weekend. He hung himself and was found by his girlfriend. I now after a few months have found out they were not getting along and she wanted to leave him and he could not see himself without his kids (his words). I miss him so much. I know the pain and I cry every day to have one more minute with him. I wish I knew what he was going thur. Now that I found this out I am trying to get over the hate I have in my heart that she did not let me know. I am not one to hold on to hate and things to bring me down. But I am in so much pain I can not even know how to feel. I am taking minute by minute. Everyone keeps saying times heals some of the pain. I wish and pray for me to at least be able to feel something other than extreme hurt and helping me stop searching for the part of my heart that is missing. please know there are several of us that are here and know we are taking minute by minute along with you. If you ever want to talk my email is sherwish@aol.com
My son Anthony committed suicide whilst in physiatric care in hospital, he was only addmitted on friday 17/09/10 as he was planning suicide, but on the Monday they assessed him and decided to reduce his watch from every 15 minutes to every hour. Of course, this was all Anthony required and he hung himself at 1pm on the Monday 20/09.
I feel so let down by the hospital, they should have known that Anthony would put on a brave face. He was such a lovely man (aged 33) and had recently been diagnosed with Scizophrenia. My life feels over, I loved him so much and he was a dear friend.
I am deeply sorry about your son. My brother commited suicide May 21st (He was 31 almost 32). He was diagnosed as a schizophrenic when he was in his early 20's. I do not believe he was a schizophrenic I believe his symptoms were induced by meth.
My Mother is feeling just like you were. I spoke to her today and she is a wreck. She believes she is to blame for not knowing what to do for him. In her mind she is tearing herself to shreads with guilt and regrets. She is wrong though.
The truth is DRUGS, METH TO BE EXACT!
The week before he shot himself he was showing signs of using and had been working with people that were known to use meth. I truly believe Meth is to blame for his years of tourment not schizophrenia.
My Mom does not know of the symptoms of drugs and was not keen to drug use. When my brother would hang out with Meth users and use himself he would change into a completely different person. Even his eyes would change they would look hollow and completely black. Being his closest sibling and so close in age to him I knew it was drugs causing his behavior. She really believed he was delusional and suffered from "Schizoprenia". She took him to our local Mental Health Center. There they diagnosed him with it and he took his meds as perscribed.
He was a very private person and would never admit his drug use to the doctors. He was afraid of getting sent to jail. The symptoms of meth users resemble schizoprenia to a tee.
The weeks before his death he was clearly using. He had been working with meth users and he was showing every sign of being on a binge. I believe the depression that accompanies the user is so powerful it caused him to put a gun to his own head and pull the trigger.
I am not a mental health professional just a very close sister that knew her brother very well. He would limit his time with me when he was using and the week of his death he had not called or come by my home, which was very uncommon.
I was went to his home the weekend before he commited suicide. He had cleaned his car, every room in his house and was not his usual self. I could see it in his eyes he was using. We spoke about other things he called me the next day and he did not even talk to me for 30 seconds. I told him he could come over he never showed. I seen him face to face 3 days ( the Tuesday before it happend on a Friday). He was in an argument with my Mom and sister. We both left at the same time he did not talk to me and I did not talk to him. I really wish I would have. You never know when the last time you will see the ones you love.
I know in my heart he knows that I loved him, my children loved him. He knows he was welcome at my home anytime. We were close.
My Mom is the one who found him in his home. To her all of her efforts failed. The years of treatment and all the times she was there for him were not enough for him. She can't get the image of him out of her mind. She goes over and over it everyday. Without help I worry she might even develop mental illness. I want to help her realize the truth. . . .
METH KILLED MY BIG BROTHER NOT MENTAL ILLNESS!!!!!
Her love and efforts were pleanty. Meth got a hold of her son. It was nothing she did. She only tried to help him the best she knew how.
im sorry to hear about your son. But of all the replys you have recieved it doesnt describe any of the things my son has done. he was diag with schizophrenia when he was 22. He will be 27 soon. He was always in the gifted program in school, an artist, a musical artist, website developer, the most considerate person ever. then he started visiting homeless. he would come home to visit from college and would be so frustrated and impatient. one day I confronted him and he told me he felt like he was in hell. I just thought he was stressed. I suggested he put the computer down and take a break from developing web sites. Its a long painful trip and the last time I saw him was earlier this summer. He is happy being homeless and sees nothing wrong with itl he was sleeping in the desert and not worried about anything. he has been arrested many times for jumping trains. I dont know where he is now and I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I now dont know if he is dead or alive...cold or warm, hungry or not. I worry bout these things but it doesnt matter to him. I just want my son back.
Hi Cheri
It so sad it brake my heart he was a lovely lad Ifeel I can say that because I have a nephew who is trying to hold down a job we be told he has early learing diffculty the mind of 12 year old he is 20 He after saying on numours ocations that he want to end his life He attact his dad so he stay with us for 9 monts but he had all the above he taught we were all out to get him Theirs a lot of more to But to let you know we told Docture,Nures,Pro Officer,Solister,you name them they know we have Schizophrenia in my family His Mam and Dad are lovely people they took him back home but no one his helping them we reackon only when it to late somthing will be done.I am so so sorry for you and your family I am running some Marathon this year to raise some money for Schizophrenia but mose of all to ware the T/Skirt to let people out their know this illness needs to be out their It hidden to long xCara
Cara, I am sorry it has taken so long to reply to you. Thank you so much for your response to this post. It takes me off balance a little when I see a reply now after so long and I always appreciate it. Where are you funning the marathon or have you already? This hidden illness does need to be out there. So sorry to hear of the loss of your nephew. What a great way to honor him by participating in the marathon. I wish that love was enough to keep a person from harming themselves. I still find it hard to express all the things I feel about this. Thank you again.
Hi Cheri
I am just doing one seven half mile this week and the Dublin mini Marathon in June and then I am on for 26 miles in Dingle Sep and Dublin in Oct.I live with this illness in my family for a while never talking to anyone my Dad kept it like that.But now with grandchildren I am out their with my t-shirt on.I would love some surport.I done a lot of Marathon over the years for other chartys suicide,homeless,cancer,and make a wish,I am following Shine Ireland on facebook who are out their making a difference But I feel if people like us who care dont ware the t/shirt and say yes I am and have a family member with this illness who I love dearly And I know who need my love and care just LIKE anyone else who has Cancer,Aids,or any OTHER illness!!!Thanks for your reply hope your doing ok and my name is Helena Cara is my Grand child I never done this before !!I love to see some changes!!xxPs follow shine ireland on facebook x
Our son also commited suicide in February. He had no diagnosis of anything. He was such a fun loving person. He was very high up in the fire service and we cannot make rhyme or reason of this. We are heartboken. xxxx
So sorry to hear of your loss. It is such a roller coaster ride of emotions, especially the first year. I hope that you have a support system. I'm going to recommend a web based support group to you. It is POS - parents of suicide. I wish that I would have found it the first year. It is a good place to feel safe and talk about things such as your son and how you are feeling. You will always be heartbroken but you go on somehow. XXXX
Dear Cheri, thank you so much for your response. It is so good to know that the people that you connect with really do know what you are going through. We just have to accept that sometimes no matter what we say or do, we cannot change anything. Do we get on with the rest of our life? or do we owe it to the rest of the family to start living it? We are very raw at the moment. Our love to you and your God xxxxxxx
Tina,
Hello, I'm new to this website. I just joined ten minutes ago. I was on the line looking for someone to answer my question of if medicaid pays for Liposuction. Little did I know that this line is for people dealing with Schizophenia. Well, guess what? I was diagnosed with Chronic Schnizophenia for about 20 years. Within that timeframe, I was diagnosed by another doctor as having mood swings. About five (5) years ago, I was diagnosed as having a Schnizo-effective disorder. Who knows, really, I don't really care. I take my meds and I live to the fulliest each and everyday.
Now, on to you and your pain. Many will say to you that they know or don't know your pain. I can say I know your pain when it comes to losses. I losted both parents, all four grandparents, a host of uncles, aunts, two half brothers, two brothers, a sister, close cousins... as do many of us. But what I don't know, is do you know this or not: prayer changes things. If you are Atheist, Buddist, Jewish, etc... no disrespect, I just happen to be a Christian. Prayer and Jesus has substainted me over the years. I've lived an active life earning from $7.50 dollars and hour as a home health aide to $45K as a executive assistant (kept the jobs for years, until the company relocated). I have earned even more since I also have my own business (I have had my business for 26 years and worked simitaneously).
I feel your pain. My whole family had the gene that could spark into Schizophenia, we had a lot of distress in our lives due to the losses, but we had a great life, so due to the gene and the stressors the genes became active... But God. If it had not been for Jesus on my side, I don't know where I would be right now. If you don't mind, I would like to pray for you and your family in this email. I pray that God anionted this prayer. I feel an anionting come on right now: Father God, in Jesus Name, I pray that this anionting touch the bereaved family. I ask you to touch Tina and her Family right now. Touch everyone from the top of their heads to the souls of their feet. We worship you Jesus. We give you all the glory, honor and praise right now. Hallelejah, Hallelajah, Hallelajah, we worship you. We enter into your gates with thanks giving and praise. We love you Lord. Father God, help this family, the bereaved family. Give them the grace to go on with life and remember her beloved son as you give her the strength each and everyday to remember the fun times. Jesus, make sure she knows that this is not her fault and she could not have prevented it. We all have to go to meet you someday. Jesus, I ask that you embrace this family and send the Comforter. Open the flood gates of Heaven and let it rain, let it rain, let it rain on this family. I plead the Blood of Jesus over this family right now. Cover them with your Blood. Lead, guide and direct them to who they are and what this tradegy represents. Use it to transform their lives... she's taken the first step, let her take her message to the world. Use her in a mighty way Lord God... and I ask for it all in Jesus' Name. Amen.
Oh, I know how you feel.....i lost my only son in Nov 2010 ......he hung himself.........and i am so lost in this world.
My 15 year old son committed suicide one and a half month ago. The pain is unbearable...
If you want to learn more follow the link:
http://helpasinglemother.blogspot.com
My older brother was a schizophrenic whom committed suicide at the age of 28 in March of 1996. I never believed my mother when she told me he was sick. I always thought he was just an aggressive jerk and she was just being a mother giving excuses for his anger. So much so, (we'd argue as siblings alot) that I moved out of the house to live with my older sister whom had a family of her own. I was 17 when I moved out (my brother being 23 at the time). Over the years I'd hear how difficult it was for my mother to deal with him. Then my mother had him committed. That's when it finally hit me that he really was sick. That's when I learned of the disease. I visited him at the institution regularly and on his meds, we'd become close. Though on meds, he'd be in a zombie like state. They'd release him to live at home with my mom but he would stop taking his meds. My mom would have to sneak his meds in his food but then he'd figure that out and threathen her. She'd have him committed again and we'd go through the same process. Back on meds, good to go but once at home, fallout. I remember recieving a call from my brother in one of his "states" and he'd tell me the government was watching him. They were tapping the phone lines and so he'd rip them from the walls. I just agreed to whatever he said and tried to comfort him. In early March we had a birthday party for my mom. A few days before the party my brother had become physically aggressive with my mother. At the party I pulled my brother aside and told him he should stick to his meds and to stop being a jerk to mom. He agreed, said he was sorry, didn't mean it and that he loves us all. I thought all was good. He shot himself 3 days later. I feel that I may have been the cause of his death. It doesn't matter now. It's been 15 years and I'm still not over it. Since then I've met people whom knows someone with the disease. I try to convey the importance to those folks that taking meds is an important part of the regimen though I cannot speak personally about my knowledge of the subject. Too hard. I'm very sensitive and still depressed.
JC, thank you for sharing your story with me. So much of what you wrote resonated with me. As others have said to me I would say to you that you were not to blame but I too feel as you do that it doesn't matter now. We go on and I've tried to limit re-running the tapes in my head but of course they are still there. I find it hard to speak personally about my knowledge on this subject as well. I have done so recently when I heard of someone dealing with a child who said he wanted to die, even then it is hard to talk about. Life will never be the same or what we thought it would be. Last night my younger son and I hung prayer flags in rememberance of his brother. This is our yearly memorial. I hope he knows that he was/is loved and missed. He is not here though and that is where I wish he was. We've all said things to family in anger or in just trying to help, and usually we get the chance to see them again, talk again. Not always though and that is tough. I can read your story and believe that nothing you said caused what happened, your brother had a hard life and it sounds like it must have been exhausting for him. I have a hard time not blaming myself though but you would say the same to me. I'm so sorry for your loss and thank you again for reaching out to me.
Ultimately, it was your son's choice. I'm sure he found it very difficult to express the depth of his feelings. Sometimes people "try" suicide as way of reaching out, to say how much they are hurting. But without words, the rest of us are at a loss to understand exactly what's being said. It was not in any way your fault. No way. Although it is common to go back and re-live all the details and insert something you could have said or done to save him. A very sad and regretful situation. Schizophrenia is definitely a life-altering illness. And since it affects the brain, it naturally affects much of what we do, say, perceive and think about ourselves and others. Rational decisions can be hard to come by. I know how hard it is to take medication as prescribed, too. I'm so sorry he didn't choose a better way of expressing his pain or find a way to get help when he needed it so much.
My son committed suicide 11-18-11. I had tried to help him for years, and that very morning on the way to work I was planning on going to find him after work to get him back in to see a counselor. I found out afterwards that he had been talking about it all week. He was schizophrenic/bipolar, doctors weren't sure exactly, but I think a lot of it had to do with drugs. He overdosed, on what I do not know yet. My heart is broken. He left behind his 4 children and his girlfriend of 12 years. She had told him to get off drugs or he could not be around her and the kids. He was a fun, loving, kind, smart, gifted man. The funeral home was packed to overflowing when we held his service.
You are right in what you said to another poster. It was her sons choice to commit suicide. Sometimes we can do everything right, yet still not be able to be there to save the one we love. I did everything I knew to do over the years and thought things were better. I was wrong. I continually grieve for my boy. I love him so very much and there is no longer anything I can do to help him.
It is not your fault.i went through a relationship 11yrs of hell i was stabbed with a pencil.bitten, kicked the whole nine! i stayed because of the kids.it is too much for anyone to handle,so therefore u did NOT fail as a parent!!
my brother committed suicide almost 2 week ago. He diagose with schizophrenia. Althought the local mental health did ejected medication on him but that not stopped him from suicide.
This is what bother me the most; When he release from mental health to out patient, I requested switch from haldo to risperal and the doctor told me risperdal is too expensive therefore they ejected him haldol.
who should i talk to about this? does the madication make any differrence? i still looking for the answer every day :(
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Hi my 21yr old son has schizophrenia, he is on Olanzapine but doesn't take it every night. He self medicates through drinking and taking drugs and it's breaking my heart. When he was first diagnosed and put on medication there was a great improvement in him, but over the past few months he has deteriorated greatly. I am so worried that he will take his life due to these symptoms. They change so much due to this illness. I miss my son. He lives at home with me but he is so different. My son can also be very manipulative. Good Luck