Our son of 26 years has schizophrenia. We've been told he is to have no contact with us because he

Hello Jenelle Berry,

Recovery is often a slow process and sometimes a person has to come at his goals in a different way, maybe by taking one course a semester or if he isn't going back to college, doing things like reading one book a month.

The first doctor was possibly well-intentioned. 

When I first got sick, the local NAMI family support group members told my mother that I needed to live on my own and become independent instead of living with her.  And so I moved into a halfway house.

You alone know if your son is overly dependent on you.  Of course he needs your love and support, which I'm sure you give him and that's probably why he's reaching out to you for help.

If your son was recently diagnosed, he could benefit from attending a day program where he can meet daily with other ex-patients in a supportive, therapeutic environment.  Call the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) at (800) 950-6264 and they may be able to refer you to a day program in your town or city.

A day program is often the first step towards getting back on one's feet, and from there, with the support of the case manager, your son could form goals and begin to reach for them.  I'm a big fan of day programs on a limited-term basis with the goal of the patient's finding volunteer work, paid employment or returning to school after his time in the day program.

An IPRT or Intensive Psychiatric Rehabilitation Center, is the advanced step for patients who are ready, willing and able to pursue specific goals like work or school.

At any rate, volunteer work or a day program could be a good way for your son to boost his self-esteem.  Trust me, when I was given a diagnosis of schizophrenia, I thought my world had ended and I slept ten hours a night and all I could do was drive to the day program each day and come home and barely lift a pen to do my writing.  I did sign up for a college class one year after I was diagnosed, and I bombed out.  It took me ten year to find the schooling and the job that I was successful at and happy in.

I want you to know that recovery from schizophrenia is possible.

Read my blog entries, and read Robin Cunningham's, for suggestions on things a person can do to take steps towards his goals.  On this note, I will devote my second expert's blog entry of this week, to what happened to me after I got sick, and how I coped with not having motivation.

The main thing is to not set unrealistic deadlines or pie-in-the-sky goals that are unrealistic.  Goals need to be "SMART": specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and tangible, hence S.M.A.R.T.  Your son could set a goal of doing one thing each day to move closer to going to school, if his desire is indeed to go back to college.

It could take two or three years for your son to get back on his feet.  That's how long it took me.  It could take sooner, it could take longer.

Lastly, as your parents, just remember to tell him often that you love him and will support him.  Even though I was a lot sicker and resented my parents because of my childhood, over time, and after a relapse, I came to see that they did indeed love me and did the best they could under difficult circumstances.

Your son will know you love him if you show him your love, even if he doesn't express his appreciation or seem to acknowledge that love.

As parents, I'd suggest you join a NAMI family support group to tak about what's going on in your life as related to living with a son who has schizophrenia.  Call (800) 950-NAMI (6264) to find a support group in your city or town.  This is the National Alliance on Mental Illness in the U.S.

Personally, I believe if a Mom and Dad are loving and supportive, and give their son or daughter a healthy sense of independence, there's a role for the parents in the treatment of their child.

You love your son.  Show him you love him.  The bes thing you can do is to support him, and encourage him to develop a routine for his days so that he's not staying home all the time.  Again, a day program could be beneficial for your son.  I attended a day program from the time I was 22 until I was 24.  It took me three years to find my first full-time job.

Rest assured, recovery is possible.  It isn't quick.  It's hard work, but it's the best work a person will ever do in his life.

Your son, too, could benefit from a NAMI Connection Peer Support Group, where other people diagnosed with mental illnesses will provide feedback and encouragement.  Call the number I gave you to find out about a Connection group in your son's area.  Often, the peers have experienced the same things your son is going through.  If he wants to go to school or work, he'll find people to support him and give advice.

Wishing you all the best.

Regards,

Chri