But many parents simply want to believe their teens are not having sex, and some even demand a pledge of abstinence -- a method that may backfire. Nancy Maloney, Ph.D., president of the Long Beach-South Bay Chapter of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, argues that such a focus on abstinence may only divert teens' attention elsewhere.
"What I've been seeing is an increasing amount of adolescents thinking that oral sex is a safe substitute for intercourse, and that oral sex is not sex. But oral sex with many different partners increases your risk of catching an STD, and kids apparently don't understand this," she says.
Sasaki agrees. "They don't consider things like oral sex or anal sex to be as risky because they're reducing their risk of pregnancy."
For many teens, a number of their questions about sex simply go unanswered, whether it is because of embarrassment, fear or simply because there is no one to ask. Maloney sympathizes with their predicament.
"As far as I'm concerned," she says, "America's political culture wants to punish them by withholding information, medical services, and attempting to brainwash kids with 'Just Say No,' instead of actually teaching them about sexual decision making. And by also lying about what sex is like, saying that it's dangerous, exploitative, or dirty. Unless you're in love, and then if you're in love, of course, it becomes wholesome."
At a crucial time when sexual exploration can be confusing and intimidating, many teens are cheated of information, Maloney adds. "So most kids really aren't sure what to believe. They're left on their own in what we have today, what I call an erotically-charged world. But it's also a punitive world, as far as teens are concerned," she concludes.
She elaborates by relating a story from her own childhood, explaining that punishment in her own home was not always fair. "If I forgot my homework and told my parents the truth, they punished me by depriving me of dinner. So the next time I forgot my homework, I learned not to tell the truth. So we have to be really careful as parents as to what kind of environment we're providing."
