Dear Miss A,
My girlfriend of 5 years has come out as bisexual and says she wants an "open relationship" and wants to start dating women.
I'm supportive of this (I think), but am a little uncertain on how to proceed.
Is there any legit reference you could suggest to find out more about situations like this? I love her and want her to be happy. She says there are no other men she's interested in; she just wants to explore this "new" side of her that she's decided to face up to.
You seem to be ok with your girlfriend of five years seeing someone else, as long as it's a woman and not a man. I'm curious as to why that is. It sounds like you assume that her lesbian relationship would be secondary to your relationship. This may not turn out to be the case. Pehaps you are objectifying and dehumanizing this other woman, and not thinking about the fact that this other woman will be a real person, with a personality. You need to realize that feelings and issues will develop.
You should probably consider how you would feel if she wanted an "open relationship" to date other men. If you honestly would be ok with her seeing men and having an "open relationship" with you, then maybe you really are prepared for what lies ahead. Somehow, I doubt this will be easy for you after dating your girlfriend for five years.
I know that her proposition might sound like a fun, sexy idea, that is said to be every man's dream, and you may feel like it would be unmanly to deny yourself this fantasy. But in my opinion it is better to leave it as a fantasy, rather than deal with the harsh real life consequences, such as losing your girlfriend to a woman or a man who would fight for her and the relationship or walk away, rather than accept being one of many.
- Miss A
Published On: September 13, 2008