DTR - Defining the Relationship

Miss A Health Guide
  • Dear Miss A,

    I've been seeing a girl for about a month or so. Neither of us are seeing other people, and without getting into too much detail, we're definitely enjoying our time together, but not looking to rush anything either even though i like where this seems to be going.

    That said, it kinda sounds weird when i introduce her to people as "my friend". We're more than friends, and though i don't want to rush into calling her a girlfriend or anything--still not at that point yet--but also don't want her to think she isn't special.

    So put plainly, what's the best way to introduce a girl you've been dating, who you like, but not yet ready to call a girlfriend?

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    Not Quite The Boyfriend


    Dear "Not Quite The Boyfriend",

    I assume that since you don't want to introduce her as you "girlfriend" that "lover", "inamorata", and "beloved" are off the table, as well. Some would say that she is in fact already your girlfriend because neither of you are dating other people, and don't have any desire to. You say that you wouldn't want "to rush into calling her a girlfriend". The DTR (Defining the Relationship) talk typically happens within the first two months of a relationship, if it's going to happen at all. I for one wouldn't go past that time point without the relationship being defined. So, if you've been seeing eachother for over a month, I think you're at the point that you need to make a decision, or risk losing her.


    I think I speak for most women when I say that we like to have a relationship defined. It removes a lot of questions and anxiety for us, and allows us to relax and enjoy the relationship. Women are funny this way. It goes back to the time when we were in elementary school and wanted to be someone's "Best Friend". You may recall the silly friendship bracelets, matching outfits, and other BFF stuff. We ladies like things defined. We like to feel special.


    You may want to take a look at why you are afraid to use the "girlfriend" label, since you are clearly happy with what that label entails.


    Let me know how things go!


    - Miss A

Published On: September 28, 2008