Dear Miss A,
I've been seeing a great guy for over a month and things are starting to get serious. Thing is, I met this other guy through mutual friends and we ended up having a good time hanging out, so we've gotten together a couple of times. Usually our friends show up, so I don't know if I should consider these actual "dates". I don't know how to break things off with him. We haven't hooked up, and I'd like to remain friends with him. How do I tell this other guy that we're not headed down relationship road? Do I mention the other guy I'm getting serious with?
Not a Bridge Burner
Dear Not a Bridge Burner,
Congratulations on finding a great guy and choosing to go down the road to a more serious relationship with him! It's not easy to find someone worthy of this, so I'm very happy for you. As for the other guy, you're probably overthinking it. Sounds to me like you just met a friend who you have fun with, especially in a group setting. Just because this person happens to be a guy, you shouldn't feel like these were dates, especially since you never hooked up.
I also want to commend you for not hooking up with this other guy. Doing so would have led to much more confusion for all those involved. I think it's great that you gave your primary relationship space, and kept it special while still being open to spending time with other guys. In Dating, as in most other things I think it's key to focus on one relationship at a time, rather than "multi-task" in your dating. If it doesn't work out with one person, there is always time to try dating someone else. But if you don't focus on that one person, you won't be giving him your full and best attention, which can then be a reason for failure of the relationship, in and of itself.
I think it's very healthy for men and women to have friends of the opposite sex. I think we limit ourselves if we feel like these relationships always have to become romantic. This other guy may be quite content with your friendship, so I wouldn't make a big deal about how you are getting serious in your relationship. I would suggest that you start including the guy you're serious with to join your group of friends when you go out, and I think the other guy will get the picture, and you'll still be able to remain friends.
Best of luck!
- Miss A
Published On: October 17, 2008