Dear Miss A,
My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. We'd been dating for almost three years. I'm trying to get over him, but it's just so hard with the holidays coming up. We spent our holidays together for the past couple of years, and I was really close with his family. It's just not going to be the same. He's already dating someone new, so I know it's really over. Is it me, or do the holidays make you feel even lonlier? Do you have any advice on how to survive the holidays as a single person?
Not So Merry Mary
Dear Not So Merry Mary,
I'm sorry to hear about your break-up, and that you don't have a man in your life during the holidays. It's difficult to be alone this time of year. I think it's most difficult when you've experienced a good relationship, and know what you're missing.
Thanksgiving is more fun when we can watch football games and eat leftover turkey cuddled up on a couch with a boyfriend. And who wants to attend a company office party alone when everyone else has their husband or wife with them? Whether it's Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, receiving a gift from a lover is just more special than receiving a gift from a friend, or sibling. The loneliest minute of all happens at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve when you don't have someone who means something to you to kiss! Oh, and it all culminates into the most difficult day of all, Valentine's Day! Being "that girl" at the office who didn't get roses kind of makes you feel like the girl who didn't get asked to Prom.
The media sends us so many images of how our life ought to be. Everything should be merry and bright! In the media, families are happy, couples are in love, and everything is perfect and beautiful. So when you don't have a family, or a happy family, and don't have a special love in your life, the contrast with the images the media gives us can make you feel like you don't belong, or that you aren't living up to society's expectation of how your life should be. It's tough. As an adult, it's not easy to go back to your hometown and see all your former high school classmates living a seemingly happy life with a spouse and kids. It makes you wonder what you could have done differently in your life, or why you don't fit into the "norm".
I suggest that you spend time reconnecting with friends and family, and take this opportunity to give back to your local community. There are many people in a much worse situation than you. Visit the elderly, mentor kids, serve food to the poor and the hungry on Thanksgiving day. Giving to others is such a rewarding experience, and will help you to realize that life goes on, and that you'll be ok. You'll also have an opportunity to meet some really great people who are also giving of their time to help others.
And just remember, it may be the Holiday Season now, but on February 15th, that all changes! It's what I like to call "Single Season", which begins February 15th and ends October 31st. The holidays during this time period don't make you long for a relationship at all! In fact, some would argue that St. Patrick's Day and the 4th of July are even better single!
Best of luck!
- Miss A
Published On: November 01, 2008