'Tis The Season: Single During The Holidays - Part II

Miss A Health Guide
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    Miss A got it right - there's nothing wrong with being single. But something about this time of year makes us feel like there is. Society makes it seem like we're all supposed to be paired up for the holidays - and by society, I mean my parent's friends! Miss A - you told us all the reasons why we shouldn't feel down about it. But for those of us who don't feel down about it, maybe you can tell us how we're supposed to respond to all the nosy pestering that we're sure to face when we go home for the holidays? Old friends from high school, friends of our parents - why is that the single most popular question for someone to ask when you haven't seen them in 12 months? Help us Miss A!

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    -Anonymous


    Miss A,

    I'm so glad you wrote about this subject. I'm single and don't see that changing any time soon. What am I to do at about my company's Christmas party? Everyone will be there with their signif others. Do I just show up solo (and be the only person there alone?) or do I find a date?

    -Kristen

     

    Ladies,

    Thank you so much for the questions you left in the "Add a Comment" section! I think it helps us all to have a real dialogue on the subject of dating and relationships.

     

    As for the nosy questions, I think you have to just be polite and suffer through it. This doesn't just happen to us single gals, it also happens to couples, and newlyweds. Couples are often asked, "So when are you two going to get married?" And newlyweds who may want to wait to have a baby, or may be experiencing trouble conceiving have to deal with prying questions about starting a family.

     

    These questions typically come from our friend from high school, neighbors we grew up around, people we knew from church, and friends of our parents.  These questions are asked for a number of reasons. First of all, many of these people haven't spent much time with you lately and don't know what else to ask about. They are just trying their best to reconnect to you. To them it's like talking about the weather. It's "small talk". They don't realize that they've struck a nerve with you. You may be a policy analyst in Washington, DC, but they have no clue how to talk with you about that. Or you may work on Wall Street, and aside from asking you if the nation's economy is going to hell in a hand basket, they don't know how to talk shop with you. Marriage and family is what they know, so that's what they are comfortable discussing.

     

    Secondly, they genuinely care about your happiness. They most likely followed the traditional path of marriage, babies and kids. To these people, settling down brings happiness, and they want you to be happy, too. They don't realize that perhaps you get satisfaction by completing a triathlon, or by putting on a successful fundraiser. They don't realize that you get a ton of support from your male and female friends, and that your dog always makes you smile by greeting you at the door after a long day at the office.

     

    I'm going to be real with you. Lastly, I'm sure some of the questions come from those who are a bit jealous of you. They are tied down changing diapers, getting up in the middle of the night, and working to rid themselves of baby weight, and hearing about your fabulous single life full of cocktail dresses, martinis, international travel and hot younger men might make them a tad envious. So bringing up a subject where they have success and you don't makes them feel better.

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    Kristen, as for the office party, if everyone is really bringing a date, you should bring a date. This is not the time to ask that guy you have a crush on. You want to bring someone with whom you feel at ease, and someone who will make a positive impression on your boss and co-workers. I suggest that you bring either a gay friend, or one of your guy friends who really understands that you're serious about being platonic friends. Tell them that you need a favor, and you'll make it up to them, as attending your office party isn't going to be anything they'll be super psyched about.

     

    I hope this helps!

     

    - Miss A

     

     

Published On: November 15, 2008