Dating And The Opinions Of Friends And Family

Miss A Health Guide


    Dear Miss A,

    I don't think you get many guys writing in but here goes.   How much weight should I put on the reviews my girlfriend gets from family and friends? I think I need to end the relationship, but when confiding in friends and family over the holidays, they were all horrified. They say how perfect we are for each other, that i'll never find someone as great, etc. It makes me doubt myself. She's great - there's nothing wrong with her and I do really care alot about her. Something just doesn't feel right. Something is missing. But now I'm afraid maybe it's all in my head and i'm just scared (such a cliche).  

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    Dear Undecided,

    In my experience, what friends and family think of the person you're dating is less important than how you feel. That said, it makes it a whole lot easier if they are happy with your choice in mate, but that doesn't always happen. I've been in situations where the guy's mother was pushing for us to get married and have kids, and I've been in situations where the mother and I didn't get along. You have to go by what you feel. You are the one who will have to live with her, and you know her and your relationship better than your friends and family. At the end of the day, they can't live your life for you. It has to be your call.


    You mentioned that you felt something was missing. Honey, something will ALWAYS be missing. Nobody is perfect, and no relationship is perfect. We are no longer in the Garden of Eden, and we aren't yet in Heaven. This is the real world with all its imperfections. I'd hate for you to toss this relationship away because it's not perfect, because you can search for a lifetime and you won't find "the perfect woman". You have to love her enough, and believe in the institution of marriage enough to wake up everyday doing all it takes to make it work. This entails sacrifice, including sacrificing your preconceived notion of "the perfect", or "the ideal". You can spend your life alone, or you can accept the fact that you will have to live with less than perfect. You have to compromise. She will do the same for you. God knows, you're not perfect, either.


    I hope that this helps you.  Please let me know how it goes and what you decide to do.


    Happy New Year,


    Miss A

Published On: December 31, 2008