Marie and Bryan had been married for five years. Marie was happy, and always had been with "Saturday night sex." She enjoyed her sex life with Bryan and looked forward to Saturday night but didn't see any need to have sex more often, once a week was plenty. Bryan on the other hand would have been happy with more. In the beginning of their relationship, they made love several times per week. He knew Marie wasn't a "sex fiend" and was okay with that. Or at least he thought he was okay with it, but as time went on Marie's desire for sex became less and less. Each time he made advances, he ended up feeling let down and lately, had stopped asking for sex but that wasn't working for him either as it made him more and more dissatisfied with his marriage.

Marie felt she just didn't need sex that much and didn't see this as a reflection of her love for Bryan, he had known from the beginning that sex wasn't that important to her and he loved her anyway. In many ways they were opposites, but that is what drew them to each other. She was quiet and shy, he was outgoing; at parties she relied on him to break the ice, meet new people and once he got the conversation going, she was fine and joined in. She was organized and neat, he was not but that also worked well for them; she paid the bills and made sure they had extra money to do the things they enjoyed, he came up with the ideas. She wasn't sure why Bryan was making such a big deal about how many times they had sex each week, wasn't it about how much they enjoyed it when it did happen?

While this story sounds like an example of a woman's low sex drive, it isn't. (If you want info on that, see: Can Testosterone Help Low Sexual Desire in Women? ). There is no right or wrong answer to how many times you want to make love to your partner on a weekly basis. This story is really about how different sex drives can cause an otherwise great relationship to sour. Sex is important in a marriage; it helps couples connect to one other, both physically and emotionally. When you have sex on a regular basis, you feel closer to your partner and have a sense of togetherness. But sexual desire is different in each person and although we would like to believe that sex should be a spontaneous act of love and that our desire is the driving force behind marital bliss, we often have to make compromises in the bedroom as in other parts of our relationship.

The following are five ways to help you and your partner find common ground and improve your love life:

Talking about sex, though, is tough, even for married couples. Your may believe that talking about sex takes away from the enjoyment, makes it too ordinary and makes it less passionate. Or you may simply be uncomfortable talking about sex, the subject could have been taboo in your home growing up and now you can't get the words out without feeling embarrassed.  But by choosing to not talk about such an important part of your relationship, you are choosing to ignore yours and your partner's needs. If you want your relationship to last, you will need to find a way to open up and discuss things, even when they are uncomfortable.