Divorce is never easy. Even when you agree that divorce is best – for you and your partner – you feel a profound loss. When you were first married, you shared dreams and hopes for the future, and, assumed that the rest of your life would be spent with your partner by your side. And now, all of that is in shambles. You need to find new dreams, new hopes and manage to carry on by yourself.

Too often, when faced with the emotional stress that goes along with separation and divorce we neglect our needs – emotionally and physically. Sometimes we can’t seem to get past the relationship and continue to dwell on it and the loss. Sometimes we simply don’t know or remember how to be single. Sometimes we feel like a failure. No matter how you may be feeling, once the decision to divorce is final, it is time to take time to care for yourself. It is time to rediscover you.

The following are ways you can refocus your life:

Make time each day to nurture yourself. You can take a long bath, go for a walk, listen to music, have a massage or take a class. Think about what types of things make you feel relaxed. Go ahead and do them. At first, you may not feel like venturing out or even taking care of yourself. In the beginning you might go days without a shower, eat sporadically and ignore your own physical and emotional needs. But ignoring your own needs can add to your depression or cause you to get sick. Taking care of yourself starts with the little things, like making sure you eat right, get enough sleep and practice good hygiene.

Make a change. Everything in your life probably reminds you of your relationship. You may have picked out the furniture and décor in your home together. You probably remember what clothes you have that your partner liked and didn’t like. Your hairstyle may reflect your partner’s preference. Although you may not be ready to make major changes (and probably shouldn’t) or can’t afford to start over, make a few small changes – change your hairstyle, add some of your own touches to your home décor, move the furniture around, paint your home or buy new curtains. Little changes can make you feel more at home in your surroundings and help you feel as if it is “yours” and not “ours.”

Rediscover past interests. If you are like many people, when you got married you had some interests you gave up, or put on the back burner, to make time for shared interests. It’s time to get back and rediscover what interested you. If you have a hobby you haven’t worked on in awhile, start again. If you enjoyed going to plays and your partner didn’t, buy tickets and attend one. Doing something you enjoy helps you feel satisfied with your life.

Learn something new. As you start your new life, think about what you have always wanted to know more about or know how to do. Adult classes, online classes and other community resources offer a large variety of topics you can learn about. Learning about something new gives you the opportunity to create memories without your partner.