Does “The First Time” Shape Your Satisfaction with Your Sex Life - Even Years Later?

Eileen Bailey Health Guide
  • “The first time.” It is one of those times in life you remember...where you were, who you were with… Hopefully, it is a pleasant memory and with a person you loved, or at least you felt you loved him or her at the time. Because, as it turns out, how you feel about that first time can predict how satisfied you are with your sex life, even years later.


    A research study conducted the Universities of Tennessee and Mississippi, and published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, looked at “whether the circumstances of losing one’s virginity have lasting consequences.” [1]  Researchers asked 331 participants (206 women and 113 men) to complete a questionnaire on when and how they lost their virginity and how that sexual experience was - such as were they content or did they regret it/ They were also asked about their current sex life - how satisfied they were, did they feel a sense of control? Finally, they were asked to keep a “sex diary” for two weeks describing all sexual encounters and rating each sexual interaction.

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    According to the researchers, those who had “positive first-time experiences” reported later physical and emotional satisfaction with their sex lives. “Those who felt loved and respected by their partner found later encounters more emotionally satisfying…Those who reported higher levels of anxiety and negativity with their first time reported lower overall sexual functioning.” [2] The lead researcher, Matthew Shaffer, suggests that the first-time may create a pattern of thought and behavior that guides later sexual experiences.


    The Chicken or the Egg?


    Most of us get to choose who we share “the first time” with. What if you chose to share it with someone you loved and someone who loved and respected you? Wouldn’t you then be choosing to feel loved and respected? Is it then your view of yourself, your respect for yourself, your view of your sexual partners and your view of sex which dictated your satisfaction with the first time?


    We are, whether we like to admit or not, a product of our upbringing. We take on the views of our parents and carry them with us, even long after we know some of those views are wrong or outdated. For example, imagine you were brought up in a house where ladies didn’t ever talk about sex, didn’t want sex and certainly didn’t do any of those other sexual acts. No matter how loved you are during your first encounter, you are going to carry some of those feelings with you and have some anxiety. Is it the anxiety about the first time that carries through to your future sex life and makes it less than satisfying - or is it the inability to shake off all of those things you were taught all your life?


    More than the outcome of the first time, it is more probable that a healthy self-image and a healthy view of sex will guide how you feel about sex, and your level of satisfaction,  for the rest of your life.




    [1] [2] “University of Tennessee Researcher Finds “First Time” Could Predict Sexual Satisfaction,” 2013, Whitney Heins, University of Tennessee at Knoxville


Published On: October 02, 2013