boyfriend answering internet sex ads "for fun"

Feathara

11/12/08 1:57pm

My advice is to let him go. I have been with my partner for over 8 years and thought he was the "love of my life". We even had a child together that is 3.5 yrs old. I caught him on craigslist as well with other women. I started noticing his stash of condoms that he bought, dwindle as he looked me in the eyes and told me he'd be "working late yet again" and those surely weren't used on me. I also caught in his email him lying to and about me with other women and what befuddled me is that he did it with such ease and I could not tell in his eyes he was lying like I usually could with other people. Everyone that knows us that I told my story too absolutely can't believe he did this. That is how out of character they thought it was. But when it comes down to it, it is what it is and I had to accept that.

Before I started dating again, I made a list of qualities I want in a man and I put them in order. That was really helpful in me seeing how many top ones my ex didn't fit the bill for, loyalty being my top one. Honey, there are other fish in the sea and now that I've started dating again, I realize that I don't have to settle for someone that feels the need to look elsewhere. Not all men do.

Write down your standards and don't compromise. We women have a lot to offer a good man and if we give up our dating slot to a man that is substandard, we pass up good men and waste time. Something to think about. Women typically sell themselves short, don't do that in this area or you will end up like me that not only is hurting, but now my child is hurting too.

frankiev

1/26/09 1:36am

YOU women that are complaining about his act by MANY or ALL men or that ONLY some men do this are FULL of crap to the tilt. YOU WOMEN are way behind the REAL TIMES and traditionally and emotionally dysfunctional to the MAX. AND THIS GOES for men to who can not even attempt to deal with your women on this issue and or who do not want TO, BECAUSE of your own emotional problems.

1--YOUR NUMBER one priority should be is he possibly taking on diseases and making unwanted babies AND THEN your third priority should be the trust and or jealousy issue that his involves.

2...ALL MEN (AND) WOMEN has this urge and some express it outwardly and some miracously manage not to.

3...AFTER a trillion years of professional research IT HAS been determined that BOTH MEN AND WOMEN have this NATURAL and sometimes NATURAL TO UNNATURAL urge.

4...ITS EVEN STATED IN PART in the bible how this is a NATURAL urge,,,but stopping the follow through in certain times of human history IS A DAMN hard thing to do with DNA urges going on ,,,self esteem issues and media and society stresses as well.

5..THE WORST thing you women and men can do IS TO IMMEDIATELY throw the MAN or WOMEN out of your life.

6..its time to sit down and talk about this issue maturely as possible and reach some kind of EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL compromise BEFORE its too late for all of humanity and we FIND OURSELVES not talking to each other for GOOD(all sexes and all ages).

COMMENTS are welcomed at:

the frankie V. radio and tv show

1-718-390-6635

and or email me US at :anchorman20082008@yahoo.com

Blondie

9/12/09 11:43am

You are SO wrong, the best thing to do is get RID of the lying sleaze!!!!

lula08

11/13/08 1:30pm

Wow...I went through the same exact thing. Except, 4 months into our relationship (even thought we were VERY sexually active) I found that he had a secret email account he used to chat with random woman (exchange photos, talk dirty and even have some kind of bond where he would call them "baby") It was really really horrifying! I confronted him and he said, yes it's a problem and he has no porblem getting help. He said he woudl never do it again, shame on me for not acting on getting him help! Well I was out of town visiting my parents and when I came back I wanted to see if he went back to doing it, even though he promised he wouldn't. To my shock...this time he had responded and even POSTED a craigslist ad wanting to "get to know you and see where it goes" YUCK! I didn't know what to think. His explanation was "I just wanted to see who would resond to it and what other people did this kind of stuff" But again he really felt aweful and said he felt stupid and doesnt know why he did it. We never did go to counsleing and now we are approaching our year mark. Talks of marriage are very strong. He's a GREAT guy (caring, loving, considerate.) We have great sex...but yes you are right...is it only a matter of time till he follows though with this stuff???

Blondie

9/12/09 11:42am

Your comment is very similar to mine, only I was with him 8 months! Some men are vile creatures! As you say, the sex was very active, it disgusts you to think they can do this to you, someone who you think is loyal!

Roxy

9/23/09 4:20pm

O my GOODNESS this EXACT same thing happend to me, only I kept every email i found and forwarded them to myself for proof. He said he was doing it JUST for fun, only when he wrote his emails he responded to 20 craigslist ads. He responded to some like this, come on baby give me you number I wanna help you" to some girl.... err i hate the thought of him doing that. I swear he sounds just as charming as your boyfriend, but for some reason I just cant get over it and move on. I actually moved half way across the country to be with him for good, but little did i know that 27 days before my arrival date he was using craigslist, match, true, and singlesnet to find girls. Part of me wants to leave him and part stay but I cant move on from finding out :(

O and get this he said he signed up for true.com and singlesnet.com only to win a free dell laptop. but only when i saw the days he signed up for them one was on jun 8 and the other june 15. He said after registering for true they automaticlly signed him up for singlesnet.com....how DUMB does he actually think i am!?

Lisa.

10/ 1/09 8:33am

Roxy, I know exactly how you feel! I'm not sure what this craigslist is, but my sorry excuse for a boyfriend was messaging women on facebooks 'social me' site! I had been with him 8 months and I knew he had a flirty nature, but in the back of my mind I always had suspicions that he was upto no good! I was staying at his and whilst he was at work I found his diary and there were passwords..anyway I got into his facebook profile with one of them, I was absolutely disgusted and sickened to see that he had been messaging women over months that we were together!! I dont mean your usual flirting, but some real sleazy stuff and which crossed the limits! I confronted him, and he denied it at first, then come clean but he had to as I'm not stupid, I saw them with my own eyes!!

Anyway, he said it was just a game to pass the time because he was lonely..I live in Liverpool and he lives in Hereford, UK. I was lonley too, but didnt feel the need to do this! If a man really loves you Roxy, then he wouldnt do this to you!

My ex was like the loving boyfriend one minute, and the sleazy pervert the next! This only happened about a month ago now, and it's still very fresh in my mind, still hurts like hell because your feelings dont just go away like that! My advice would be to let him go, I have and it is hard for us, but we both deserve someone who treats us with respect, who is loyal and wouldnt do something like this! Trust me, time will heal and although I'm still hurting very much and will never understand why he did it, we HAVE to move on!! Surround yourself with your friends, family, people who really care for you, make 'Loyalty' the first thing on your list when you next date someone! ;-)) Keep smiling!!...

Lisa.

10/ 1/09 8:37am

The internet has a lot to answer for when it comes to problems in realtionships, as do these so called 'women' who are no good, have no self-respect for themselves by lowering their standards to satisfy these men...that about sums it up! We however do have self-respect and do no degrade ourselves by posting slutty pictures of ourselves on social sites for sorry excuses of men who look and comment on them!!! Yuck!

Lisa

10/ 1/09 12:45pm

Oh and the same with me, I was prepared to find a job, leave my family behind and move to Hereford for this arsehole next year, his talk of us having a baby and everything, I just can't believe any of whats happened!!! Its over as I could never trust him again!!

ms

11/19/08 4:07pm

i dont know wut to do, stay or leave. it s very hard to see the person that u love and trust, do this to you.

Blondie

9/13/09 5:19am

My advice to you is leave him, you would never be able to trust him again, it will shatter your confidence and self-esteem the way it has with mine! It must be some kind of problem where they will never be able to fully let go of doing it! Move on, you're worth a million of him...don't waste your time on this vile man.

NavyPYNKKK

6/ 3/11 7:21am

Wow, so i thought i was the only one having this problem and now that im actually looking it up on the internet i see that this is a really common issue...

my boyfriend since even before we met and started dating has been doing the same thing on craigslist. i got a call phone a random girl one night telling me to check up on my boyfriend and keep a better eye on him and she told me to look at his email..well we live together, so that wasnt a problem. i was disgusted, the dirty talk, the pictures he was sending them and recieving from them. he even went as far as to give out his cell phone number, i found out because after reading all the emails i went through his text messages and found out he had earlier that day tried to meet up with one of them...he said he never actually intended on meeting anyone and that he would just do it when he was bored on watch (hes a marine). being bored is the lamest excuse ever. that was about 3 weeks ago. im still having a hard time with it, and although things seem okay between us now (we are still together), ALWAYS in the back of my mind i wonder and i cant get those disgusting emails out of my head! when i confronted him about it, he didnt lie, he told me they were all really from him, but he swore up and down he had no intention on acting on them..

and the scary thing is, that if i hadnt of gotten that phone call, i never would have known. he is the most amazing man, and i cant picture my life without him.

but at the same time, whenever we arent together, even if its him going to the gas station, i will probably always wonder what hes really doing.

i regularly check his email and his text messages, but i also know how easy it is to delete something out of a phone, and the internet, so i guess what im trying to say is that if you want to make the relationship work, try. but even for me, it is hard and i dont think the relationship will ever be the same...

hope this helped a little bit. take care.

ntp

3/17/12 9:34pm

This just happened to me last week! I'm so confused and dont know what to do. Since its been a year has your relationship gone back to normal? My boyfriend says its all a game and he never will or intendend to take it any further but I dont know if I actually believe him.

Anonymous

11/19/08 5:40pm

I discovered my partner posting ads for sex on craiglist also. I couldn't believe it! He has insisted to me that it didn't mean anything other than something close to porn; but I have a very hard time believing it, after all of the details that were sent back and forth in emails about how and when and where to meet. I saw responses as well that he didin't go through with those meetings, and that has let me give him a second chance. We are going to start counseling soon; and I have told him, if it happenes again, it's over. I cannot go through that much doubt again...

Karen

12/ 8/08 2:13pm

I am in no position to tell anyone what to do in their relationships, but I wanted to play devil's advocate to the other posts on here. Have you ever read the Craigslist wanted ads? They are pretty entertaining. Maybe it was just 'for fun.' I would say if there isn't any other evidence of him cheating, then it's probably okay to let it go, especially if you love him. If he's been emailing girls, or the condom stash is dwindling... like some of the other ladies mentioned, then it's time to move on! You're in the prime of your life! You should be happy that you only "wasted" 11 months of your life with him. Although, I don't think it's a waste if you learned something from it. Good luck girl!

hurting

1/ 7/10 11:21pm

i'm going throu this now, i caught my boyfriend posting adds and receiving email to aol and FB. All of them were sexual and he was willing to please. But the most disturbing that he not only listed women but he was looking for tranny's as well!!!!! i'm sick to think of all that could have been done behind my back. it was truly disgusting all i saw in his sent file on the computer. I left him and is truly disgusted but the part of me wonders is he gay??? we had just bought a car on the same day i found out, we were trying for a baby, to start a family. he say's that his friends make fun and they get on to joke with ppl. But his penis was posted all over and he got the most disgusting pics back....i'm stil horrified. He beggs me back, i'm sure that he is a liar, i just get sick to think is he gay????

awill

3/ 4/10 9:33pm

So what has happened since you posted this? I am having the same exact problem.

hurting

3/ 5/10 12:27pm

Since this happened.. i went and got tested! Thank God nothing came back but i found out i was PREGNANT!!! I cried and cried because I just wanted to put this behind me. But now i have to this pervert for the rest of my life! For this baby i tried to be with him, he went to therapy and changed his numbers and email accounts. But still hasn't come completely clean about his ads (which i saw all of the recent confirmation emails when an ad is placed). I couldn't be intimate with him because everytime I looked at him I see what he was hiding and all the disgusting pics he was lusting over. He told me that its not the serious and that it was a joje "just for fun" as he put it. But I tried for my baby, he even asked me to marry him and I had to say NO. Now because I have he has, he denies my baby and went back to his old ways. In his words, "you didnt alllow me to change, so why change?" To me change is done from with in, and I've always told him don't change for me but for himself, because what he was doing is wrong! And don't change just becasue you got caught but becasue you want to be a better man and father. What I'm going through is something I never thought I'd be going through. Now that i'm pregnant his isn't around and all he does is play like he's a victim. As i do more research these men don't CHANGE! They will blame everyone else inc you if you stay around long enough. If you dont have kids RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!! HE WILL CHEAT, HE WILL LIE. I refuse to spend the rest of my life married to a man that i have to check on, spy on and always wonder. My heart is so broken, that at times I don't how to press forward. But I will, even now as a single mom.

I know how you feel about not being able to talk to anyone, because of the disgusting way we carry the shame. But It's not you. I need support as well. And this site has helped me remember I made the right choice by not marrying him. I hope we can help each other throu this horrible situation

.... still hurting

minniemo

1/26/09 8:33pm

My husband of eight years does the same thing. We have had a serious issue about this for the length of our relationship. Without going into detail, we have gone to many therapists for advice and help and most of them have told me to leave him! Very unprofessional!

My husband is a loving, caring and highly intelligent individual. We have tons of things in common and a wonderful sex life. I have refused to follow the advice of these biased individuals who would not or could not lead us into a compromise or a way that we could handle this issue.

We have finally found someone in the profession who understands and we are hopeful that we can work things out. We both love and respect each other but have had this highly emotional issue eating away at both of us. I guess what I am saying is that if the two of you really love each other and are willing to get to the bottom of the problem, then by all means try this first before just throwing up your hands and leaving.

Wanda

5/ 5/09 7:12pm

Hi. Same exact problem as the rest of you. 5 years. I finally put him out of my life, and it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. However, I do have a few comments to add.

First, the reason therapists/psychs/whatever tell you to leave is because these guys never change. I repeat: They never change. This is incurable. They like it too much to stop. If they really wanted to stop, they would. They are the sickest kind of crazy.

The docs are just trying to save your life. You've been going through this for 8 years now. If you stay with him you will be dealing with his "problem" every second of every day for the rest of your married life. If you want to live your life like that, to sacrifice your LIFE for this guy, knock yourself out. No one will respect you for your decision, and he will grind your heart into dust. On your deathbed you will regret staying by his side, and your body won't even be cold when he starts back up on the computer, probably the first night your're dead, because he misses you so much and he's so lonely, and after all, he has a "problem".

Get out of there. Get a book on codependency and read it. Then go get your hair done, get a new outfit, and go see who's out there. There are zillions of decent guys out there who would never DREAM of that kind of behaviour. You deserve a happy life.

Lana

8/15/09 7:28pm

I just caught my husband of 8 years doing this as well. He assured me that he would never actually go through with it, however I still have doubts. I have no reason to believe that he DID go through with meeting someone and no evidence to prove it. He has suggested he go to a therapist to deal with some problems. I have also found his profile on several "hook-up" type websites, which he deleted at my request. We have two chidren together and I'm not sure how to deal with this sort of betrayal. I'd appreciate any advice you might have that would help me deal with this. :) Lana

Blondie

9/12/09 6:53am

Hi, thanks for your comment! Recently I have had doubts for trusting my boyfriend of 8 months, as he's on Facebook's 'social me' website. Anyway whilst staying at his, I found his password and went on his profile! I was sickened to find that he'd sent lots of messages to women, not even nice looking, things like 'fancy a date?' 'want me to show you my c*ck on msn tonight' 'i dont live far' etc etc etc!!! The man I thought he was, abviously wasn't! Telling me he loved me and treating me like a princess! I feel physicall sick to my stomach, and that's it, it's over! I deserve so much better than this, I've always been loyal, but somehow I just didn't trust him, and what do you know I was right!

Dave

2/ 3/09 2:20pm

As much as you will hate to hesr and admit tis ti yourself, you are with the wrong guy. You can't be with a guy of low moral standard and not expect it to eventually bite you in the ass and that is just what happened. There are other women who wouldn't mind at all but if you're not one of them you need leave that relationship before you end up with one of those dormant viruses that that causes cancer down the road. Ask your gyn and PLEASE if your morals in life, love, sex, and honesty are not equal, LEAVE HIM as this was a warning given to you.

Blondie

9/12/09 6:59am

You're right Dave, I mean how can you stay with someone who craves attention of other women and responds in a smutty way, especially when the sex life you have together is amazing! Which mine was, doesnt make sense! And if I'm not enough for him, I'm going to try and find someone who respects me for the loyal person I am, I'm just not sure that there are any men like that left!!!!............

Blondie

10/ 1/09 8:22am

Hi, I have had the same experience as you, my boyfriend of 8 months who was so loving, caring and who I thought was the love of my life too had also been sending sleazy messages to women on facebook's 'social me' website!! He told me he only did it when he was lonely (when I wasnt there) as I live in Liverpool and he lives in Hereford! This was just an excuse, as I too was lonely when I wasnt with him but didn't do what he did!

One minute he was acting like the loving boyfriend, the next like some sleazy pervert!! These women he was messaging were ugly slappers with their tits out (as classy women wouldnt do this type of thing) and these men know it! He apologised and said it was just a game, I very foolishly nearly took him back but after seeing sense, decided that I could NEVER trust him again and I deserved so much better! He now knows he's lost the best thing to happen to him, and as hard as it is for me to get over what has happened, it will take time and I will come to realise that what I did was for the best!

Ladies, if you ever find out that your boyfriend is doing this type of thing, then my advice would be to leave them as although they say theyre only messaging, the intent is clearly there! I just feel sorry for the next poor girl who he ends up with in Hereford, I really do! It just wont be me, as I was too smart for him!!

moving on

11/ 3/09 2:10pm

I too have gone through the exact same thing. Found out the boyfriend I was (and still am) living with was responding to ads on Craigslists when I wasn't home. He had also joined a slew of dating sites and had set up a fake e-mail account to do so. He got sloppy one day and spoke to a girl he met off a porn site through his regular msn and the conversation was saved and he had given her his other e-mail address. Needless to say I was absolutely heartbroken. Although I had seen in the history in the past that he had viewed these ads, I never would have thought he was actually responding to them. His responses I think were what humiliated and shocked me. They were very specific with dates he was "free" and they also in many cases said he had a girlfriend but that he was about to leave her or was bored with her. Because of that, it became especially personal.

He went to a bit of counselling (not as much as I would hope he would) and we attempted to see a counsellor who eventually said my hurt was far too much and that I needed to calm down a bit before we continued which we never did.

Because we are living together and have only one computer he agreed I could put parental controls on his account. Now I know this an awful thing to have to do but he genuinely seemed to want to change and he seemed remorseful and ready to move past this. Although he had come across this way in the past I felt that for once it was all on the table and we were ready to move on.

He has slipped up once in the past year, he looked at porn on his blackberry but then later did admit it. Other than that, to my knowledge things have been okay. I want to believe that this won't happen again and part of me, after a year, is finally starting to believe it will. It's been a very long year though with a lot of fights and a lot of questioning.

The counsellor we saw said that my boyfriend needed to be open to my non-stop questioning and for the most part he had been. If you really want to stay in a relationship with someone who has abused your trust you both need to be very ready for a less than perfect relationship. It's obviously very hard to gain back that trust and if your boyfriend had no intention of trying really really hard, there is no point. If you are not ready to move past it, there is no point either. What is the point in staying with someone just to hold their mistakes against them?

It's a long journey to gain back the trust, but i think it's possible.

Lisa

11/ 5/09 4:28pm

Thanks for responding to my post ;-) I must admit that my boyfriend has been getting in tocuh with me a lot, phoning and texting, saying how much he realises what he did was wrong and how it's affected him. He said he no longer feels like a man, and really wants to prove to me how he can change!! I do believe what he says, but still find it hard to trust!! In the back of my mind I have this dread that he will do it again, although I know he may not! I do genuinely believe that people can change, but although he never met any of these women (thats what he tells me) it's hard as we live 120 miles apart!

I think you are very brave for trying hard with your relationship, especially after he said to that person that he was bored of your relationship?!

I am a very stubborn person I admit, and maybe my pride is what is stopping me from taking him back! Having said that I feel like what we had before has been ruined! And can we ever get it back? I do love him, but he's hurt me in the worst possible way! Even if he hasnt met any of these women, the messages he sent them were very sexual, intimate even! I still have them in my mind and remember all what he put, so he might aswell have slept with them! I really don't know what to do?

Blondie (Lisa)

11/ 5/09 4:30pm

Once again, thanks for your advice ;-)

So Lost

11/18/09 2:16am

I realize this is sort of an old thread but it seems your comments were the most recent. I have been going through a number of unhealthy things with my Children's father. We were friends for 4 years then started dating and had our first baby rather fast. We now have young children. In the five years I have been with him he has cheated on me for certain once and I am sure at least one other time as well with women from bars. He started looking and posting craigslist ads shortly after he cheated on me the first time, which was when I was 5 months pregnant with our 2nd baby. We were not together when I discovered he was doing this but it still bothered me because it seems so perverse. Anyway, a few months later we got back together and went to counseling, which helped me but not us. We parted for a couple more months and then reconciled again. He did then began posting and answering ads again last year about this time and I left him again! Needless to say my will power stinks because we got back together again, he explained the ads as harmless and said he never actually made plans to meet or ever intended to actually act one them, that it was just the thought of talking to someone in that manner. He realized how much it bothered me and promised not to do it again. We were together for 8 months no problems until I was 6 months pregnant with our 3rd baby. Then he started drinking out late and so I kicked him out again because when he drinks he is not the same person anymore. Well here we are a few months later and were considering trying one last time to work things out and he is now touring with the Ten Tenors and this time he is answering and posting very explicit ads on craigslist. I responded to one and he even sent this girl I was pretending to be a picture of his penis! I set up a fake date and of course he is out of state so I wasn't really showing up, he got all mad and emailed the girl I was pretending to be about being stood up and said "I sure miss out on a good f***"! He continues to post his own and respond to a new ad in each town he is staying in. Of course I am in no way considering taking him back because the extreme obviousness of what he is doing. My issue is should I take action to keep him away from our kids? I mean if he is sick enough to do things like this what is he really capable of? I feel like I do not even know this person. I feel disgusted and very disappointed in myself for ever loving this person and it really pains me to think he is the father of my children, this is who they have to look up to, who they love and depend on to be there for them. I feel so lost, it was helpful to come across this discussion and see I am not alone, but no one ever mentions how this effects the family dynamic. If anyone out there was in my position would they keep the kids away from someone doing the things he is doing? I know if I met a stranger who did this I would not want them in my life or my kids lives for that matter. I hate to think they will find out about this as they get older, he really needs to get help and I am thinking not letting him see the kids could inspire him. Any thoughts?

Lisa (Blondie)

11/18/09 2:59pm

Thankyou for replying, and your situation is a much harder one than mine as you have children together. i cannot help you with giving you advice on whether he should not be allowed to see his children, but I know one thing and that is that you should never consider taking this man back!! I do believe however, that men who do this kind of thing are not real men. There is something seriously wrong in having to do what they do, and you must remember that it is nothing to do with yourself. My ex boyfriend also had shown his penis to some woman, as I saw the message and although he denied it, I do believe that he did and there is something very wrong in doing so! I believe these men do this kind of thing as they like the connection and intimacy they have through being online with these women at a certain time! I have a good friend who is in the armed forces, and he's away 6 months at a time, but would never dream of doing that to his girlfriend!!

To me, what my ex boyfriend did was very sleazy, disrespectful to myself and I do believe he needs help!! A lot of men may not think that what our men did to us was wrong, but thats men for you I suppose! I'm not sure what craigslist is, but it sounds very much like facebook's 'social me' site! A site where you can post explicit pictures of themselves and think they wont get caught! I for one would never fully be able to trust my ex boyfriend again, and as much as he's pleaded with me to take him back, I just can't!

You have to decide for yourself what to do about your children seeing their father, but the main thing for you to do is to look after yourself, regain your self-esteem and think to yourself that you deserve so much better than this man can give you!! I hope this helps?

awill

3/ 4/10 9:19pm

I just moved across the country with my boyfriend of a year. Today I was on our computer and looked at the history and saw some activity on Casual encounters m4m on Craigslist. I started looking at these ads and then looked at his email to discover that he is talking to these people and setting up times to meet for whatever. I confronted him about it and he said that he experimented with guys several years ago before we were together. He said that he lust looks at these ads and talks to guys but he has never actually gone through with anything or met them. He claims to just go through the act of talking to them because he says it's exciting and that he loves me etc etc and would never do that to me.

I can't really talk to anyone about it. I am freaking out. I sat down and got on my computer and googled this....

unbelievable

1/15/11 2:00pm

I realize this is an old thread but I am going to reply anyway even though it is now 2011..I am sure some girls are still facing themseleves with this issue.

I have been with my boyfriend almost three years. We are five hours apart but I am ALWAYS available to talk, skype, text.

Well, I got a weird gut feeling to log into his email, so I did. (wrong to break that trust..but what I found goes far beyond this). He had been making ads soliciting sex from women and men. He was emailing with them and exchanging face pictures and naked photos. I did see that no phone numbers were ever set up and he would delete the messsges. He says he never met up with anyone. I am getting an STD test regardless. He says he just loves the thrill of it and it's excitng for him to do..when he's lonely. WELL HELLO, your loving girlfriend is sitting at home, talk to her?

So I made a fake email and emailed one of his ads, he replied to me, said he had no girlfriend...sent me a naughty photo :( so I sent one back of me and him and said this is me and my ex boyfriend.

I haven't yet broken up with him,we're on a break. He knows he was the person I needed the most in the entire world. And to do this to me..it's absolutely pathetic and disgusting.

awill

1/15/11 9:28pm

Ugh. I am so sorry. It's an awful thing to go through. So here is what is going on since my post... He swears that, like your boyfriend says, it is just an equivalent to looking at porn. That he gets a thrill out of it and it's just easily accessible. He says he has NEVER hooked up with anyone or followed through with anything. What I don't understand is, and what I tell him is, why invite it into our lives? If he wants to look at porn, that's one thing, but what he is doing is interactive. He is interacting with real people. I consider myself a pretty open and understanding person, but I just cannot handle that. Porn is one thing, but this is different. I told him that he had to see a therapist and figure this out, otherwise we are finished. He has been seeing a therapist regularly since the incidents (I have been to see the therapist with him and we are also in couples counseling.) The therapist does not think he is gay or bi and neither do I. I just cannot understand why he does this. I know he is a good person and would never follow through with it, but I do not want a boyfriend who does things like that. What if we have kids? I just don't know.

As far as your gut feelings, in my experiences, they are usually right. I first came upon his activity on accident while on his laptop. Since then I check up on him now and then. Ironically, last night I looked at his phone and it appears that he has recently visited a male hookup site online (he smartened up and now surfs the web on his phone apparently.) We had a giant discussion about it and he has the same story. He gets bored and just looks at this stuff, says he isn't doing anything. He says he doesn't know why he still does it, it's like a compulsion.

I now feel like this is all turned back on me because since this all started, our sex life has dried up completely because of my trust issues with him. I just don't know what to do. It;s hard because he's not exactly doing anything wrong, he's not cheating, but it is still violating my trust. But at the same time I feel slimy because I just looked at his phone, email etc.

So, I am now in a situation where I need to make a choice.

suzi

5/21/12 6:09pm

I too recently found that my husband was replying to m4m ads he has writte that he can host at our house on a day I was away. When I confronted him about it he laughed and said he was embarrassed - that he couldn't explain what the turn on was - but that he didn't actually meet anyone and he never would. I do believe him but I feel kind of weird and awkward about it. First for snooping and second - because I really hope he's telling he truth. He's a good man. And I think that many men like kinky things - even if they love their wife. I don't know. It's pretty bold of him. And I am open minded. It's just annoying and disturbing. All I can do is believe him and get over it - or feel freaked out and full of distrust. So I choose to believe but it's not that easy. Anyways - I sympathize for all the women that have similar experiences. It's creepy and hard to swallow.

boyfriend answering internet sex ads "for fun"

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