boyfriend answering internet sex ads "for fun"

YOU women that are complaining about his act by MANY or ALL men or that ONLY some men do this are FULL of crap to the tilt. YOU WOMEN are way behind the REAL TIMES and traditionally and emotionally dysfunctional to the MAX. AND THIS GOES for men to who can not even attempt to deal with your women on this issue and or who do not want TO, BECAUSE of your own emotional problems.

1--YOUR NUMBER one priority should be is he possibly taking on diseases and making unwanted babies AND THEN your third priority should be the trust and or jealousy issue that his involves.

2...ALL MEN (AND) WOMEN has this urge and some express it outwardly and some miracously manage not to.

3...AFTER a trillion years of professional research IT HAS been determined that BOTH MEN AND WOMEN have this NATURAL and sometimes NATURAL TO UNNATURAL urge.

4...ITS EVEN STATED IN PART in the bible how this is a NATURAL urge,,,but stopping the follow through in certain times of human history IS A DAMN hard thing to do with DNA urges going on ,,,self esteem issues and media and society stresses as well.

5..THE WORST thing you women and men can do IS TO IMMEDIATELY throw the MAN or WOMEN out of your life.

6..its time to sit down and talk about this issue maturely as possible and reach some kind of EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL compromise BEFORE its too late for all of humanity and we FIND OURSELVES not talking to each other for GOOD(all sexes and all ages).

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You are SO wrong, the best thing to do is get RID of the lying sleaze!!!!

Your comment is very similar to mine, only I was with him 8 months! Some men are vile creatures! As you say, the sex was very active, it disgusts you to think they can do this to you, someone who you think is loyal!

O my GOODNESS this EXACT same thing happend to me, only I kept every email i found and forwarded them to myself for proof. He said he was doing it JUST for fun, only when he wrote his emails he responded to 20 craigslist ads. He responded to some like this, come on baby give me you number I wanna help you" to some girl.... err i hate the thought of him doing that. I swear he sounds just as charming as your boyfriend, but for some reason I just cant get over it and move on. I actually moved half way across the country to be with him for good, but little did i know that 27 days before my arrival date he was using craigslist, match, true, and singlesnet to find girls. Part of me wants to leave him and part stay but I cant move on from finding out :(

O and get this he said he signed up for true.com and singlesnet.com only to win a free dell laptop. but only when i saw the days he signed up for them one was on jun 8 and the other june 15. He said after registering for true they automaticlly signed him up for singlesnet.com....how DUMB does he actually think i am!?

Roxy, I know exactly how you feel! I'm not sure what this craigslist is, but my sorry excuse for a boyfriend was messaging women on facebooks 'social me' site! I had been with him 8 months and I knew he had a flirty nature, but in the back of my mind I always had suspicions that he was upto no good! I was staying at his and whilst he was at work I found his diary and there were passwords..anyway I got into his facebook profile with one of them, I was absolutely disgusted and sickened to see that he had been messaging women over months that we were together!! I dont mean your usual flirting, but some real sleazy stuff and which crossed the limits! I confronted him, and he denied it at first, then come clean but he had to as I'm not stupid, I saw them with my own eyes!!

Anyway, he said it was just a game to pass the time because he was lonely..I live in Liverpool and he lives in Hereford, UK. I was lonley too, but didnt feel the need to do this! If a man really loves you Roxy, then he wouldnt do this to you!

My ex was like the loving boyfriend one minute, and the sleazy pervert the next! This only happened about a month ago now, and it's still very fresh in my mind, still hurts like hell because your feelings dont just go away like that! My advice would be to let him go, I have and it is hard for us, but we both deserve someone who treats us with respect, who is loyal and wouldnt do something like this! Trust me, time will heal and although I'm still hurting very much and will never understand why he did it, we HAVE to move on!! Surround yourself with your friends, family, people who really care for you, make 'Loyalty' the first thing on your list when you next date someone! ;-)) Keep smiling!!...

The internet has a lot to answer for when it comes to problems in realtionships, as do these so called 'women' who are no good, have no self-respect for themselves by lowering their standards to satisfy these men...that about sums it up! We however do have self-respect and do no degrade ourselves by posting slutty pictures of ourselves on social sites for sorry excuses of men who look and comment on them!!! Yuck!

Oh and the same with me, I was prepared to find a job, leave my family behind and move to Hereford for this arsehole next year, his talk of us having a baby and everything, I just can't believe any of whats happened!!! Its over as I could never trust him again!!

My advice to you is leave him, you would never be able to trust him again, it will shatter your confidence and self-esteem the way it has with mine! It must be some kind of problem where they will never be able to fully let go of doing it! Move on, you're worth a million of him...don't waste your time on this vile man.

I am in no position to tell anyone what to do in their relationships, but I wanted to play devil's advocate to the other posts on here. Have you ever read the Craigslist wanted ads? They are pretty entertaining. Maybe it was just 'for fun.' I would say if there isn't any other evidence of him cheating, then it's probably okay to let it go, especially if you love him. If he's been emailing girls, or the condom stash is dwindling... like some of the other ladies mentioned, then it's time to move on! You're in the prime of your life! You should be happy that you only "wasted" 11 months of your life with him. Although, I don't think it's a waste if you learned something from it. Good luck girl!

Hi. Same exact problem as the rest of you.  5 years.  I finally put him out of my life, and it's the best thing I've ever done for myself.  However, I do have a few comments to add.

First, the reason therapists/psychs/whatever tell you to leave is because these guys never change.  I repeat: They never change. This is incurable.  They like it too much to stop. If they really wanted to stop, they would.  They are the sickest kind of crazy.

The docs are just trying to save your life.  You've been going through this for 8 years now.  If you stay with him you will be dealing with his "problem" every second of every day for the rest of your married life.  If you want to live your life like that, to sacrifice your LIFE for this guy, knock yourself out.  No one will respect you for your decision, and he will grind your heart into dust.  On your deathbed you will regret staying by his side, and your body won't even be cold when he starts back up on the computer, probably the first night your're dead, because he misses you so much and he's so lonely, and after all, he has a "problem". 

Get out of there.  Get a book on codependency and read it.  Then go get your hair done, get a new outfit, and go see who's out there.  There are zillions of decent guys out there who would never DREAM of that kind of behaviour.  You deserve a happy life. 

Hi, thanks for your comment! Recently I have had doubts for trusting my boyfriend of 8 months, as he's on Facebook's 'social me' website. Anyway whilst staying at his, I found his password and went on his profile! I was sickened to find that he'd sent lots of messages to women, not even nice looking, things like 'fancy a date?' 'want me to show you my c*ck on msn tonight' 'i dont live far' etc etc etc!!! The man I thought he was, abviously wasn't! Telling me he loved me and treating me like a princess! I feel physicall sick to my stomach, and that's it, it's over! I deserve so much better than this, I've always been loyal, but somehow I just didn't trust him, and what do you know I was right!

I just caught my husband of 8 years doing this as well. He assured me that he would never actually go through with it, however I still have doubts. I have no reason to believe that he DID go through with meeting someone and no evidence to prove it. He has suggested he go to a therapist to deal with some problems. I have also found his profile on several "hook-up" type websites, which he deleted at my request. We have two chidren together and I'm not sure how to deal with this sort of betrayal. I'd appreciate any advice you might have that would help me deal with this. :) Lana

You're right Dave, I mean how can you stay with someone who craves attention of other women and responds in a smutty way, especially when the sex life you have together is amazing! Which mine was, doesnt make sense! And if I'm not enough for him, I'm going to try and find someone who respects me for the loyal person I am, I'm just not sure that there are any men like that left!!!!............

I too have gone through the exact same thing.  Found out the boyfriend I was (and still am) living with was responding to ads on Craigslists when I wasn't home.  He had also joined a slew of dating sites and had set up a fake e-mail account to do so.  He got sloppy one day and spoke to a girl he met off a porn site through his regular msn and the conversation was saved and he had given her his other e-mail address.  Needless to say I was absolutely heartbroken.  Although I had seen in the history in the past that he had viewed these ads, I never would have thought he was actually responding to them.  His responses I think were what humiliated and shocked me.  They were very specific with dates he was "free" and they also in many cases said he had a girlfriend but that he was about to leave her or was bored with her.  Because of that, it became especially personal. 

He went to a bit of counselling (not as much as I would hope he would) and we attempted to see a counsellor who eventually said my hurt was far too much and that I needed to calm down a bit before we continued which we never did.

Because we are living together and have only one computer he agreed I could put parental controls on his account.  Now I know this an awful thing to have to do but he genuinely seemed to want to change and he seemed remorseful and ready to move past this.  Although he had come across this way in the past I felt that for once it was all on the table and we were ready to move on. 

He has slipped up once in the past year, he looked at porn on his blackberry but then later did admit it.  Other than that, to my knowledge things have been okay.  I want to believe that this won't happen again and part of me, after a year, is finally starting to believe it will.  It's been a very long year though with a lot of fights and a lot of questioning. 

The counsellor we saw said that my boyfriend needed to be open to my non-stop questioning and for the most part he had been.  If you really want to stay in a relationship with someone who has abused your trust you both need to be very ready for a less than perfect relationship.  It's obviously very hard to gain back that trust and if your boyfriend had no intention of trying really really hard, there is no point.  If you are not ready to move past it, there is no point either.  What is the point in staying with someone just to hold their mistakes against them?

It's a long journey to gain back the trust, but i think it's possible.

Thanks for responding to my post ;-) I must admit that my boyfriend has been getting in tocuh with me a lot, phoning and texting, saying how much he realises what he did was wrong and how it's affected him. He said he no longer feels like a man, and really wants to prove to me how he can change!! I do believe what he says, but still find it hard to trust!! In the back of my mind I have this dread that he will do it again, although I know he may not! I do genuinely believe that people can change, but although he never met any of these women (thats what he tells me) it's hard as we live 120 miles apart!

I think you are very brave for trying hard with your relationship, especially after he said to that person that he was bored of your relationship?!

I am a very stubborn person I admit, and maybe my pride is what is stopping me from taking him back! Having said that I feel like what we had before has been ruined! And can we ever get it back? I do love him, but he's hurt me in the worst possible way! Even if he hasnt met any of these women, the messages he sent them were very sexual, intimate even! I still have them in my mind and remember all what he put, so he might aswell have slept with them! I really don't know what to do?

Once again, thanks for your advice ;-)