A lot of people say, “I don’t understand. I seem to meet women (or men) and they just always seem to flake out on me.” Here’s the thing: in general, people tend to be pretty flaky. Assume that people are always going to be flaky to a certain extent.
Why are most people flaky? They have their own stuff going on – they are busy with work, with friends, with their dog or their cat – maybe they are busy chasing the FedEx guy around. Who knows why they flake?
But it gets more and more difficult to meet people as people in general become more disillusioned with dating. This is when they tend to flake out.
There are countless times that I’ve met women who I’ve been on the fence about – I wasn’t quite sure she was worth giving up a night for – and so we made plans, but the day before we were supposed to meet, I decided that she wasn’t really worth it. So I flaked. We’ve all done it. We’ve all been there.
In dating, people try to play it very safe. Very few people let out their full personality when they are dating. I’m not talking about verbally vomiting everything you’ve got on the table on your first date, but I think that we don’t give people enough of a peek into who we really are in order to intrigue them.
The key here is this intrigue. If you intrigue someone enough – even if it is just five minutes in person or ten minutes on the phone – people won't flake out on you as often.
As you get older, you begin to learn about what you really like and you just want to be excited about somebody – I’m not talking about doing back flips or anything like that – but you want to be somewhat excited to get together with this person again. You want to look forward to giving up one of your evenings to spend it getting to know him or her.
You might just be giving up a night of television, but it doesn’t really matter - you are still giving up your own time. The older we get, the pickier we become, the more precious our time is, the more interest we have and the more satisfied we are in our own lives. This is why we tend not to give up our nights as freely as we did when we were young. We only want to give up our time to people who really intrigue us.
If you’re on the fence about somebody, my suggestion is to get him or her on the phone again. If you’re a woman and you’re on the fence about a man, call him one last time. The same goes with a man for a woman. Lob one last phone call at her, and see if there is any interest or any sparks.
You could also possibly throw them an email and try to get a flirtatious banter going. If you’re not fully intrigued by somebody it’s really not worth giving up a night.
There are plenty of people out there – you have to have an abundance mentality in life. There are plenty of people to meet and date. Personally, I’m not a huge dater at all. I really kind of just go with the flow. If somebody interests me, I’ll go out with her. If not, I’m not going to go out on a date just for the sake of going out on a date.
Last night, I went to the beach, took the dog for a long walk, had dinner with a friend – and that was a great night. If I meet somebody, I’m much more in the mindset of just hanging out and getting to know each other. I know it right from the start if someone interests me.
So these days, I tend to not flake. I’ll make a phone call and get to know a woman over the phone, and if she doesn’t interest me, I’m done. I don’t need to pursue it. I don’t feel like I need to give somebody a second chance.
But some of us do. So if you are ever on the fence about somebody, give him a second chance. Lob an email at them. Lob a phone call. Maybe they were nervous the first time you spoke to them. Maybe their real personality will shine on this second chance. But give them that second chance before you totally write them off.
As for flaking, I’ve always said that I don’t believe that flaking exists. I believe that you’re just not interested in somebody or that they didn’t intrigue you enough. Flaking is not really the issue here. It’s really about letting go and letting yourself out.
Published On: September 03, 2008