Which Christmas Character Are You?

David Wygant Health Guide
  • Which Christmas television character would be most successful at meeting the opposite sex? Here’s something you probably never think about when you’re out there Christmas shopping: Instead of shopping for presents, think about filling your bag with people.

    I mean, we dress up for Halloween. So why not dress up for Christmas? People will walk around wearing mistletoe on their head, but it dries up and will get pretty gross. I think we can come up with some better options for Christmas dress up choices this year.

    How about dressing up as Frosty The Snowman with a carrot dick? Or how about Frosty The Snowwoman? Nothing would be sexier than touching those icy snow boobs or cuddling up with a slushy thing in your bed. Can you imagine going on a date with Frosty to a coffeehouse? Well at least with the constant melting, you know you would always have something to drink.

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    How about being Rudolph with his red nose? Hey Rudolph, won’t you drive MY sleigh tonight? I think if you would choose to be Rudolph, then you are a very passive person because he got yelled at by almost everyone. Can you imagine that red nose glowing in a restaurant? There could also be lots of benefits to that glowing nose though. You just never know when you need a red light in the dark.

    What about being The Grinch? Whoops … a lot of you already are if your angry emails are any indication. So all you’ll need is a bit of green face paint and some antlers to put on your dog’s head.

    How about good old Charlie Brown? You could walk around with a sad little Christmas tree asking people to help you decorate it. You would always have a dirty kid with you to help, along with a kid following you around constantly playing the piano.

    What about being Bumble the snow-beast from Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer? He seemed grumpy like a lot of you until his sore tooth came out. Then he was a honey.

    You could always be that little dentist kid, Hermey, who didn’t want to make toys and just wanted to be a dentist. You could walk around with a wooden toy all day long extracting teeth from grumpy people (or snow-beasts). You could walk around asking people who seem grumpy if they need a tooth extracted.

    Then instead of being a snowman who sings about silver and gold, you could be the guy who sings about women and booze. That way you could walk around being a happy drunk the entire holiday season.

    Now there are some Christmas television characters we will not mention, like those from A Very Brady Christmas. I don’t think there’s any reason to be ANY of those characters.

    So who do you want to be this Christmas? I’m sure there’s some characters I’ve forgot here, but really this is the time of year to cheer up. This is the best time of the year to meet people. You can find a lot of parties … or you can be one of these characters and start your own.

Published On: December 17, 2008