Sex Talk

Jerry Kennard Health Pro
  • When a sexual relationship begins the people involved are often caught up in the moment. They are still getting to know each other and so sex is really just a part of the process. But what happens later when it becomes clear that your sex life isn't really working out? If one or both people find their sexual needs aren't being satisfied it can be the start of a slippery slope. However, it doesn't need to get to this point if just a few basic points are understood and acted upon.

     

    A fulfilling sex life doesn't just happen. It has to be thought about, nurtured and developed as a life skill. I don't mean that it's a serious academic venture, but it does take a level of sensitivity. Because everyone has different sexual needs, and these may adapt and change over time, the key to sexual happiness is talking, listening, observing and being open to change and experimentation.

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    Why don't people talk about what they want from sex? Well, it usually boils down to personal embarrassment, fear of rejection or humiliation. Most people actually like some variety in their sex life but it may take a little negotiation to establish what is acceptable to the other person at a particular point in their relationship. As the relationship develops and matures so couples often find it easier to discuss their fantasies and things they'd like to try.

     

    Some people aren't so good with talk but they can communicate in different ways. This is where observation comes in. When you're making love you can let your partner know what you like by making little extra noises or maybe holding them a little tighter when they are doing what you like. You could also help things along by guiding their hand. Observe things like their breathing rate go up. When do you feel their body move or see their facial expression change? The same ‘rules' work for the other person of course. Body language like this can be effective, but perhaps not as effective as talking. Body language can sometimes be misunderstood. A moan, for example could mean pleasure, but it could also mean discomfort or displeasure. A physical movement might be interpreted as displeasure, when it is actually a sign of pleasure.

     

    The golden rule about these different forms of sex communication is they need to be honest but supportive. Most people lack confidence when it comes to sex so telling someone they are terrible between the sheets will only lead to them feeling worse about themselves and could lead to open hostility. Faking orgasms or pretending something is pleasant when it really isn't, is just storing up problems for later. Sex lives are affected by all sorts of things and lets face it, nobody is born an expert in sex.

     

    Like the rest of a relationship an effective sex life is built on compromise. You may not get absolutely everything you want when you want, but that doesn't mean you have a failing sex life. Neither will you learn about sexual relations from books or from websites. Some of these resources provide a good set of principles, and one principle all good resources will highlight, is the importance of communication.

Published On: December 15, 2008