It was probably one of the most difficult times in my life.  I had experienced a miscarriage.  And people gave me the usual platitudes that it was probably for the best and that if the baby survived that there most likely would have been something wrong.  I took this in stride.  But the one reaction which I couldn't quite deal with was when someone muttered, "Oh well you can just have another one" as though babies were interchangeable or that they were as easily gotten as picking up milk and bread from the store.  This platitude was especially hurtful as time went on as my husband and I found that we were having trouble conceiving again.  After a year of trying I wondered if I would ever become pregnant again. 

I think it is one of those things that if you have not gone through this experience, it is difficult to imagine the pain of it.  There is a grieving which remains invisible for the most part. Friends and family don't always understand the emotional rollercoaster you are riding during this entire process yet you are expected to go on as usual with your normal everyday routines. I am writing this article for the people who are going through this to let you know that you are not alone.  I am also writing this for the people who are friends and family of those who suffer from infertility so that you can have a greater empathy for what your friend or family member may be going through.

Here are some of the things that a woman who suffers from infertility may feel at any given time:

A feeling as though you are less of a woman:  It was found during our testing that the issue of infertility was mine.  I felt as though my body had betrayed me and that I was broken.  I wondered why I could not do what so many women seemed to do so effortlessly.  My self esteem took a nose dive.

Anger and resentment:  I have a distinct memory of walking through the city during my work lunch hour and seeing pregnant women everywhere.  I began to loathe the sight of them and found myself staring at my feet so I wouldn't have to see them anymore.  When you are experiencing infertility it seems everyone is pregnant or has babies.  I grew enraged at news stories of mothers who had children they didn't want and who abandoned babies.  I felt the world was a very unfair place.

You feel isolated:  During the years of my infertility my best friend became pregnant with her first child.  Of course I was invited to the baby shower.  I had to cry before I got there so she wouldn't know.  I put on a happy face for her but when we were alone I confided that this shower was hard for me because of my struggle with infertility.  Surprisingly my friend was less than compassionate. She told me that if the situation were reversed that she would put aside her personal issues and be there for me on this special day. I wished that I had not said anything.  I felt selfish and alone in my pain.