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Hello and welcome!
This is an interesting problem indeed. The first thing I want to ask is...have you asked your doctor about this? I know it may seem embarrassing but they might know what is going on due to your situation.
What sort of meds are you taking?
I was just about to give up finding any information about this too but I just found something which totally validates your experience.
Here is a research abstract about male sexuality and MS and here is what they say (had to put my reading glasses on the read the little bitty print!):
"Male MS patients often complain of inability to obtain or maintain an erection during sexual intercourse,although they frequently have morning erections or spontaneous, short lasting rigid erections during the day."
The bold print is mine...I just wanted you to see that part. So in fact, this seems to be a thing with MS.
Would you say that it is entirely neurological in origin when this happens? You aren't particularly thinking sexy thoughts? Are you taking any pills like Viagra? Just trying to rule out other causes. It probably is just some neurological quirk.
I have heard too that MS can cause some people to become sexually compulsive but this is a whole other type of issue.
MSN Health reports that : "Certain diseases or conditions may cause damage to parts of the brain that affect sexual behaviors. Multiple sclerosis, epilepsy and dementia all have been associated with compulsive sexual behavior. In addition, treatment of Parkinson's disease with dopamine agonist medications may induce compulsive sexual behavior."
Anyways...sounds like a neurological quirk to me. I am not sure what there is you can do about it. Think about baseball?
Thank you for coming to this site and contributing to this discussion!
Thanks for the help.
I'm taking propranolol (not sure about the spelling) for shaking hands and arms. From what I've read this drug can cause problems getting an erection.
I haven't mentioned this to the doctors yet but I guess I will. It is very embarrassing to talk about. If there's something I thought they could do about it (or thought they could tie it to a new lesion or something) I wouldn't hesitate to bring it up but I'm afraid it's just one of those weird things that no one can do anything about that (may) be related to neurological problems.
I have my share of sexual thoughts for sure, but this is different. This has happened when I was talking with my psychologist (male) once, when watching the news on TV, you name it, there's no obvious pattern to it. I have taken CIalis a few times to see if it would help with the ejaculation problem (it doesn't), but I haven't taken it in over six months.
What you found about "spontaneous ... erections" is helpful. At least it kind of ties in with the numerous other neurological things going on. The other comment about compulsive sexual behavior bothers me though because, in the past, I have had problems binging on pornography. It takes a conscious effort at times to stay away from that stuff. I don't want to read too much into that though since a lot of guys have problems with an attraction to pornography.
My partner had found sex more dificult with her MS affected her confidence. We started to build up our sexual activity after a period of just holding each other. I knew she wanted to take it to another degree and we started having sex. It caused her severe spasms and great pain. We both knew it was over. The MS had robbed us of one more pleasure. Life goes on.
My sex life changed forever in 1995. That year I began Prozac.
Right away, it became extremely hard to achieve orgasm. Even when I did, ejaculation no longer felt as easy or pleasurable. My genitals seemed almost numb. That problem lasted until very recently. Now that my SSRI (actually an SSRI/SNRI) is Cymbalta, I find that if I stop it for 48-72 hours before sex, everything actually feels like it did in my youth. That has been a wonderful discovery that came shortly after my 50th birthday, but it does not make up for 15 years of impaired response. Also, the nice feelings come at the price of 2-3 days of depression and irritability, until the drug levels get reestablished.
I have many reasons for not liking psychiatric drugs, but the effect on my sex life is one of the biggies. I am trying to come off antidepressants, but now that my body is used to them (I wrote about this in my <a href="http://willspirit.com">blog</a> today), it seems almost impossible for me to quit. Reducing the dose too much makes me so suicidal that it feels unsafe and unwise not to go back to my regular amount.
I think the way SSRIs damage the sex life is brushed off too easily by mental health professionals. Many times I heard the supposedly rhetorical question, "wouldn't you give up sex in order to cure your depression?" These days, I think it would have been better to learn how to tolerate low moods, after improving them as much as possible with thought techniques and meditation. Preserving normal genital responses would have been worth accepting some depression.
Especially because the SSRIs became much less effective over time. Eventually they no longer prevented depression (though my mood got even worse if I stopped them), but they never stopped blunting the pleasure of sex, and making orgasm nearly impossible.
Sex is one of the healthiest pleasures of human life. It is wired into our minds at a basic level, and brings both physical satisfaction and emotional connection. It helps build bonds between intimate partners, and relieves anxiety and tension both within and outside the relationship. To dismiss its loss as an acceptable price to pay for (temporary) relief from depression strikes me as misguided. Especially since other antidepressants have recently been shown to have equal efficacy, but fewer damaging effects on sexuality than SSRIs. Pharmaceutical companies made massive fortunes by selling people on the lie that SSRIs had superior effectiveness, and encouraging millions of us to impair our sex lives in order to take them.
I have been married for close to 7 years and this is my second marriage, his third. I was misdiagnosed for 25 years with a doctor telling me I had Major depressive disorder and he prescribed anti-depressants to me this whole time which in turn through me into manic episodes. I didn't learn until 6 years ago I was actually Bipolar 1 which so far I have been med resistant. I was diagnosed with fibro in 2004 along with hypermobility, some scoliosis and as we go down the road, arthiritis, torn rotator cuff, torn tendon and other things along the way. So as you can see, I did not know about the BP until after me and my current husband had gotten married. The fibro was not bad until after we had gotten married also. So you ask how sex is with me and my husband. It use to be wonderful. As the fibro has gotten worse, he is terrified that he will hurt me. I have explained to him that I would rather have 30 minutes of pleasure and 2 hours of pain then not to have any pleasure at all. I know its not that he doesn't want me, he genuinely does, but he cares so much and is so afraid that he will hurt me due to the fact that the fibro has gotten worse not to mention that the BP is med resistant and I never know how I will react. I normally will initiate the sex however, he cannot maintain an erection because he becomes so scared about any pain he may cause at his hands. He is such a kind and gentle man. We do what we have to to make each other happy but I worry sometimes that I don't make him happy and I know that it is just in my mind and the BP talking however, I don't know what to do about it. I didn't ask for any of these diseases but I am not feeling sorry for myself. He loves me dearly and I know this for sure but sometimes, my brain takes over and I start thinking other thoughts. I know it is the BP talking but I don't know how to get past this. It's hard enough with a chronic illness but when you add a mental illness in there boy did he get a double whammy handed to him. We live apart during the week due to his job and see each other for about 30 hours on the weekends and that is it. I trust him with my whole heart as does he me. Does anyone else have this type of problem? Can anyone else give me advise to help us through this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much
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Good morning I was invited to this site -I also belong to Depression and MS sites. This is one question I can answer-I have no desire or wants for sex. My husband trys to understand but I know it bothers him-heck it bothers me. I have no idea why---I love him, we have 3 great kids, and our sex life has always been great but lately nothing. I have to say its been going on for awhile and in the mean time been forcing myself to do this for his sake and for mine also, with fear he'll leave me.
Its scarey! I even when to the library to find info on different positions and worked for awhile--49 yrs old and in a bad spot cause I have a very sexual husband. So any help in the problem would be appreciated.
Take care
ladygraycloud/Suzanne
Hi Suzanne!
I am very happy to see you! Thank you so much for coming on over.
Yep...it is hard when you have so much on your plate. You have neurological stuff going on, depression, you have three kids to take care of, and you are in those pre-menopause years. These all can make it very difficult to muster up any libido.
We have to find a way for you to get your mojo back!
I am just going to toss out all sorts of ideas...and see if anything sounds interesting.
First of all...there are tons of books on this subject so know that you are not alone in this. Here is one I found on the topic.
And here is an article by a doctor about the female libido and factors which can affect it.
There are also reports that a testosterone patch can help. I need to investigate this further to see if it is all that it is cracked up to be and about safety issues. But here is a news report on the testosterone patch for you to read.
Would you say that the issues you are having are more of a desire issue or are there some physical problems as well (such as decreased lubrication or numbness down there)
If it is just the desire part...I have some ideas which I will list below:
* Most women need to feel relaxed before they can fully enjoy sex. If it is possible to take a warm bath or get a massage from your husband...these things can help relax you and set the mood.
* Feeling energized and good about yourself can help...and exercise is one way to do this. Is exercise something you have time for or are able to do at this point in your life? It will help with the depression too.
* I believe that sexuality begins between the ears. Your brain provides the most powerful aphrodisiac and that is fantasy. What has turned you on in the past? Can you share some of your fantasies with your husband.
* Sometimes sexual toys can enhance the experience and ensure that you will orgasm. A vibrator can definitely make things more enjoyable for you.
* Romance can re-kindle the fires. It is especially hard when you have kids though. Is there any way that you can get a babysitter? Can you get a date night where you can dress up and look sexy and flirt with your husband?
These are just some ideas...I know from reading you about some of your situation but I don't know all. Basically though...you want to get to a point where you look forward to and enjoy sex again. It is a great stress reliever and it will bring you closer to your husband.
I hope this helps some! Thank you so much for stopping by here. I hope you stay.