Sexual Health Connection Question of the Week!

             No, my first time was not even close to what i expected. My first time I was realy young ,and so was the guy. Yes, I wished that i had waited. Now I know that sex can be wounderful with the right person.

My first sexual encounter was when I was in college, at 18.5. I knew I needed to wait not only till I felt ready physically, but till the time when I felt I could understand and deal with the emotional and physical ups and downs of having sex.

Having sex for the first time is a profound thing, or at least I think it should be.

Growing up with an ob/gyn father made me very aware of what sex could lead to (joy, conectedness, love, babies, but also STDs and unwanted pregnancies*). And also how often women were coerced into it. I wanted to make sure I was not just acting on random hormones, but that it was the bsolute right decision for me.

The other factor for having sex when I did was that I didn't want to have to go behind my parents back for birth-control. At 18, after I took charge of my own health care, I felt more comfortable getting birth-control.

So back to the actual event. Because I waitied to be in a special relationship with a man I loved, who loved me, the moment was incredibly tender and beautiful. He did everything he could to make sure it was as awesome as possible for me. He made it romantic, and special, and I couldn't have asked for more.

* I LOVE kids, I just knew I didn't want them at 18.

I was too young to know any better (I was eleven).  I was way too young.  I do not think kids that age should be having sex.  On the other hand... for me it was still a good expereince.  In fact, I loved it and I have been active ever since.

If you are going to do it, wrap it, every time.  Only do it if you really want to, not because you feel pressured.   Save it for people who are worthwhile.  Don't waste your time on just anyone.  Get tested regularly.  Respect yourself...

My first time was all about rationalisations not feelings.

Because I was still a virgin at 23 I got sick of waiting around. I got sick of being afraid of people entering my personal space. So when a guy was interested in me and he came to know about my situation and offered to be my first (he was only interested in having sex with me - not a relationship) I thought that would be a good idea. I didn't feel I could do a relationship - I'm not good at connecting with people. And I had an opportunity to face a fear. I mean, I pulled out several times. But eventually I had had enough and so found it in myself to go through with it.

It ended up being nothing. I felt nothing. I was so depressed it was like watching someone else go through it. Except I didn't care. I was watching and had no idea why I was watching and felt nothing upon watching (no embarrassment, no being turned on, no interest - nothing).

It did help me get over the fear of people entering my personal space - I now know it's no big deal really and I've gone further than someone can go with clothes on so in general interactions in life I don't freak. I used to try to rationalise the freaking out away but it didn't work - now I know on a deeper/experienced level that it is no big deal so the anxiety isn't so bad. I still don't like socialising - I just don't freak if someone enters my personal space in the way I used to. Not sure if that makes sense.

So my first time wasn't romantic. It had nothing to do with love. But I don't feel that I'm good at any of that - that I'm capable of any of that - so I just wanted the experience. I don't regret it but it's not something I'm rushing to repeat either. It was a pretty nothing type of thing. I get some people love sex but if that is what sex is going to be like for me then... I can wait and can even live with the idea that it may never happen again. It's no big deal.

I was a boy of 14 in the late 1950s. There was this girl staying near my aunt and uncle's summer place in Washington State. She and I were good friends, both the same age, both going through puberty. She was getting her titties and I was enchanted. We used to go berry picking together and prior to this it had been quite innocent. Now it was different. We put our berry containers aside and began exploring each other. One thing led to another and with no forethought we had intercourse, of course with no protection, either. I don't recall it being anything much other than a bit icky. I was less than enchanted. Needless to say within a few years my views on the matter changed profoundly and positively. But, there wasn't really any guilt between us. We just never mentioned it again. We were, of course, much too young. While I am not ashamed of what we did, I would have preferred my introduction to have been a little more monumental.