Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Friday, December 11, 2009 Anuolf, Community Member, asks

Q: One-sided Sex...?



I'm asking this question today because my husband seems to be fairly one-sided during sex. He doesn't bother tending to my intimacy needs. When I try to bring up the topic, he's always saying "I'll figure it out on my own!" But he doesn't want me to tell him what feels good, like some director.


I'm at the end of my rope here because today is our 3rd Anniversary and instead of trying other methods of turning me on, he decided it was just easier to go on the computer and masturbate than try to help me out.


I do admit that my libido is really low, but I don't think it's necessarily because I don't want sex, but the only time I get it is when I'm not asking foreplay of my husband. Which makes for a bad time for me. Also, there's a lot of stress in my life, and he's frequently depressed and is currently medicated.


How can I help my sexlife? Is there anything I can do to get him to pay more attention to my needs?

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Answers (1)
Paul, Community Member
12/11/09 3:28pm

I'm sorry you are going through this. No, I'm afraid there isn't much more to do other than seek counseling with a therapist practicing in marriage counseling, or even sexual affairs.


If your husband will go.

But even if he doesn't, you should go and talk about these matters with a therapist who may be able to help you understand and decide where you want to go from here. Many men would be glad to hear what pleases their partner, it kind of makes things easier, I think, and more pleasant.


Depression can really cause so many problems within a marriage. I would urge you to visit Health Central's thriving Depression site. There are so many nice people there who will gladly give you and insight they have.  I'll give you the link to the community leader there, and from that page you can ask questions or create a sharepost, talking about the problems you face. Either way, you will get a response.


You sound so very concerned and caring about your husband. You also need to remember that, you are entitled to a life and that is why a therapist can help sort matters out and perhaps, make your future path clearer.

I wish you a lot of luck and good fortune.

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By Anuolf, Community Member— Last Modified: 11/17/10, First Published: 12/11/09