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As a 59 year old male who suffers from this terrible "illness"...I can tell you that the EASY answer is to get out of the relationship.... Would this be the same answer if the wife were the ill person?.....My wife and I have a loving relationship...but it exists without sex.  It does so because of me.  This has troubled me for my entire life...when I was young and  pursued women, my sexual appetite was fine....once married, the ability to have sex with my wife ended...almost magically, the day before marriage, I loved it and the day after....the desire was gone....My parents were alcohol abusers and my father physically abusive...My mother angry and dependent.....I am now who I am...relatively "normal" in all other respects......the most curious thing about this is it is just now at this stage of my life that I am willing to even admit this to myself and the world.....Intense therapy...drugs...who knows what the answer is.....it is painful for my wife who I have yet to even discuss with her...it's like a silent reality we both endure because in all other facets of our relationship we are close.....My advice for those of you in such marriages is to get counseling...who knows maybe I will before it's too late.....